I kind of feel like everyone has a pretty stereotypical view of what a frat party would be like. This will probably sound insane considering that I'm here and I think I have AS, but I'm actually in a fraternity. It's a co-ed, honors fraternity but a fraternity nonetheless. And to be honest, I think that joining a fraternity (one like mine, not one like you see on tv) is the best thing that a college Aspie could do.
From my limited understanding of the subject, one of the major problems Aspies face when it comes to socialization is that they like for it to have structure. They can’t just walk up to a random person in the hall and have a conversation about nothing for two hours, but they can have a debate with someone on a topic of interest without issue. (Granted, I understand that some Aspies suffer from social anxiety, but it is also my understanding that social anxiety is an unfortunate result of having AS, not a symptom of it.) I can’t speak for all fraternities, but my fraternity does a whole lot of community service-geared events like Habitat for Humanity, fundraising events, and scholarship events (where the purpose of the event is to learn something, like how to white water raft or how to fold origami). All of these events are things that are really easy for me to do socially because I’m not just “hanging out” with people (which, for me, leads to a lot of awkward silences and not being sure where I’m supposed to stand or what I’m supposed to say), I’m performing a designated task with people. I can just focus on performing the activity at hand when I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing, or I can just stand on the sidelines for a bit if I need to regenerate.
For me, my fraternity is a way for me to have friends without having to make them, in a manner of speaking. My fraternity has bigs and littles, meaning that through the process of getting initiated I had a mentor helping me every step of the way. (Thankfully, she’s an education major and incredibly nice and accepting.) And your big picks you, meaning that (theoretically) you aren’t going to get stuck with someone who is going to get sick of you. It’s like someone giving you a friend for free. The biggest thing is, though, that once you’re a Brother, you’re in. I think that most Aspies go through life feeling like they’re on the outside in social situations. I know that I did. Once you become a Brother, everyone in your fraternity treats you like you belong without you having to prove yourself. The hard first step is already made for you. People will approach you easily. You’re automatically connected to others without having to try so hard.
That’s a little bit off topic, though. The question is about a frat party, right? My fraternity does have a couple of parties throughout the semester. They’re nothing at all like what you see on tv. Mostly, they’re in rooms on campus or in a Brother’s house, and 90% of the time there’s games to play. I find parties can be incredibly enjoyable when I play Apples to Apples with a small group of people in a quiet corner. But sure, this may not be an accurate description of all fraternity life. To answer the question (finally!), I think it would depend a lot on what kind of fraternity it was. Frankly, this sort of party sounds like something my fraternity would do as a learning-based event. I think if they understood anything about people on the spectrum at all, they wouldn’t make it a purely social event, they’d make it a game night or something else with a focus. I don’t think that would be a total failure, so long as they made sure not to crank up the music too loud for people with sound sensitivities or put on flashing lights.
10 May 2011, 3:45 pm
