Holding grudges?

Post Reply New Topic

It depends on the person/situation, but I can hold grudges for years. I've barely been able to speak to my dad or look him in the face for the past year or so, I hated him so much. It was as though every single incidence of rage, control freakery, hypocrisy, etc. over the years was seared into my mind and could not be unseared. Meanwhile, in his mind, he has done no wrong. I literally can't stand him and think I will always hold a grudge against him until the day I die.

It doesn't make me glad. To the contrary, I'd far, far rather have a dad I could look up to and love. But I don't. I also have a brother who I'll probably feel a lifelong grudge against as well, the ghastly ****.

I seem to be largely incapable of holding grudges, even when I want to be mad at somebody I can't keep it up for long.

It depends what the person does.

If they insult me and rage at me or anything trivial like that, any anger/frustration usually dies off pretty fast, but I will avoid and ignore that person until they do anything to make up for what they have done, or I can no longer be bothered holding the grudge - there are times where I have a volatile change of emotion and suddenly drop any care for holding grudges like this.

Though, depending on your definition of grudge, I may have a permanence of 'light grudges' for those that just don't get on with me. I won't avoid or ignore these people but I would just feel I like them less than others. I do have emotions, I'm not going to get along with everybody, and I'm not going to hide that, though I won't show it either, unless interacting with them and I'm frustrated.

I almost never hold grudges on Internet forums for longer than a few days, and I only ever have a grudge if I feel somebody is grossly condescending or aggressive towards me, because I have been stood on too much in the past to allow any of it to happen anymore.

If given the opportunity there are very, very few grudges that I would not be open to resolving.

_________________
Unapologetically, Norny.
-chronically drunk

When I was younger I would hold a grudge for decades, or until I got revenge or a serious apology, which ever came first. Now though, I find it to be a waste of time and energy so seldom do it.

If it involves someone who intentionally hurt me and never expressed any remorse for it - I find it very hard to ever forgive and forget.

Before reading this thread, I would've said that I do NOT hold grudges; however, after reading some of the posts, here, it seems that I have been holding grudges against my sisters, and my best friend from Junior High School. (I have dismissed them from my life for what I consider their negative actions against me.) If they were the least bit genuinely sympathetic / apologetic, we would no longer be estranged, maybe. I don't know if I'll EVER understand it. If I do something that hurts someone (and they tell me), I fall all over myself to apologize / make it up to them----but, when it happens in reverse, people don't apologize to ME!!

Absolutely. Yes, it does depend on the situation, but on the whole if someone does something I do not like, that is it. I do not forgive or forget, I will "write the person off". If I have to interact with this person (work, for example), I will be civil if necessary, but probably do not do very well to hide my contempt for them.

As opposed to it being a waste of energy, or effort, I see it as the opposite. If that person if effectively "written off", it's one less person I no longer have to worry about being in my life, one less person to make the effort to pretend to give a sh!t about, one less person to not have to pretend to acknowledge, or pretend to be interested in their feelings or interests.

This is all sounding incredibly harsh. I am of course talking about if someone does something I view as unforgiveable, in context and I'm not of course talking about family, my other half, or children; more a colleague or someone that never really mattered in the first place...

I realy don't see the point of grudges - all that energy wasted and to what end...

I used to.

My twin brother still does.

I've reduced my symptoms big time, including my propensity to hold grudges. I've also read quite a few self-help books that have included some great passages about the power of forgiveness. Once you realize that holding a grudge and not forgiving someone ONLY harms you and not them because they have no idea what you're thinking or feeling, you realize just how ridiculous it is to expend your time & mental energy on such a thing and can decide to forgive for YOU, not them. It makes the whole process so much easier.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I'd say I'm probably a grudge holder, I don't consider myself thin skinned or anything but if for whatever reasons I've been angered or whatever I'll probably hold on to it for a long time.

I don't hold grudges for the most part. Most people aren't trying to hurt you that badly. I really only stay angry at someone for an extended period of time if they continue to repeat hurtful words or actions during that period. If they ever stop and/or apologize, I generally have no problem letting it go.