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How toughen up?

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zer0netgain
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20 May 2011, 7:29 am

As a rule, experience painful things until you develop "perspective" of things that really do hurt versus things that really don't hurt.

This works for all kinds of pain.

Example. A paper cut does hurt and is annoying. If you've never had worse than a paper cut, it feels horrible. Now, deal with the post-op pain of having a tooth pulled (before the meds kick in). Once you experience a pain like that, the paper cut still hurts, but it's not that big a deal compared to other pain you've experienced.

The problem with a lot of NT people (it's not just us), is that their parents shield them from painful experiences and they grow up to be p*****s who can't handle anything tough because they think every hardship is insurmountable.

Even Navy BUDs training is focused on getting the candidates to recognize that what they think are their limitations really are not the limits of what they can handle.

The human body's (and mind's) ability to overcome pain and suffering is rather incredible, but you never learn what your real limits are if you don't challenge them.



ToughDiamond
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20 May 2011, 8:27 am

Don't know....I don't even always realise when I'm getting hurt, at the time.

I think I was always pretty resilient......my family had a general contempt for practically anybody they didn't actively like, and I took that cynicism with me into the world, so to me people were mostly potential bastards - if they try anything then I'm usually ready for them. I've mellowed a little, but I still half expect people to let me down, so it's rarely much of a shock when they do. I think it's important to be fairly unshockable.......you can do that by getting hurt, or to some extent you can do it by watching it happening to other people. Just look around for a few abusive websites and you'll soon see what jerks people can be to each other.



jrjones9933
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20 May 2011, 8:37 am

Jacs wrote:
jrjones9933 wrote:
I have had to spend a lot of time arguing with the critical voices in my head to make any progress, so it's taken a lot of persistent attention.
...
The key for me was to catch myself and remember to think reasonably about it.


I try to do that. However, I am always so much harder on myself than I am with other people.


Me, too. Practice makes better. I've also written "I, JRJ, forgive myself for everything I've ever done. You, JRJ... He, JRJ..." enough times to fill several pages. Remember to breathe, too. :) Keep up the Great Work!


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"I find that the best way [to increase self-confidence] is to lie to yourself about who you are, what you've done, and where you're going." - Richard Ayoade