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nikoa
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24 May 2011, 3:49 am

Whole life happened me like you, when i was little girl neighbors tell me rude words, or attacked me, one girl beat me in stomach, girls didn't like be friend with me, i tough reason becuase them parents are richer, because i have few girls friends neighbor of my grand ma. In high school first two years was good, i had friends, than 4 years one girl was head and she ignored me totally, servants around her make joke about me, that was becuase she was good in sport, i was totally out, than come 4 years high school when i show self like better than others in mathematics, language, history, beside girls was envy me, boys respected me, those 4 years were good, than come 4 years middle school, here i was bulled not by girls, few boys try make my school days bad, also becuase I'm totally out of sport, professor for sport totally ignored me. When i studied i closed self and was out of society, but met my husband and married, happened me i worked in one factory, some people behaved with respect, some made jokes with me, one girl who is worker, i was manager, when she meet me behave with joke with me, i ignore her behavior and stay on distance, so people around think bad for her, not for me, but she don't see it.
I'm 39 years old, i have learned in life avoid nasty people, if i must contact them i make distance, look them direct in eyes, or beck them same, i think nt people just accept that behavior normally, simple that is survive, accept conversation like fight with words, better win, we instinctively in start put self down or in start show self like losers, look in eyes open and fight that man agree with you in the end of conversation, but in same time also show culture, don't be rude.



OJani
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24 May 2011, 4:31 am

user1001 wrote:
I am male and 17 on the ASD and I always wonder why are people so rude and mean to me when I did nothing wrong? Many people would say that "I am to easy to pick on" or that "I am easy to get away with" and I think that is true becasue a lot of people like to pick on me and I don't even know that it is happening to me. I get made fun of and I would just act like I didn't know it. A lot of people hate me at school for some reason and I did nothing to deserve it. People would be nice to me for a time and then they would be mean and I don't even know why they are like that.

Don't worry, I'm 38 and I'm being made fun of occasionally too. Never mind, do what Surfman's signature says. At least, I do. ;)

As for mean people, I don't think we can do much about them. Sometimes time resolves things, sometimes it worth to explain things about yourself. I know people tend to regard me as a source of rudeness, even when I absolutely don't want to be, I merely try to help or give an advice. I've got used to swallow up what I get in turn (or, supposedly get, to be exact). Fighting is useless, I've learned it the hard way. Fortunately, I have the opportunity to explain myself at times. I don't go in details then. That usually releases some tension and bitterness on my behalf, and helps others to understand me better.



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24 May 2011, 5:11 am

Because we speak the truth, and that makes people uncomfortable.
Because we're vulnerable.
Because we're childlike.
Because we're not what people are used to.
Because some people just enjoy being mean, the same way some people enjoy being kind.

(((((((hug for the OP))))))))))



starryeyedvoyager
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24 May 2011, 5:51 am

People will always try to pick on those they consider weaker. We are considered weaker because we are a minority and we are different. We don't adapt to trends, styles and social habits that are deemed normal, so no matter how hard we try, Aspies will always have a certain air about them that just tells everyone we are different. That's just the way it is. The trick is to develope a counter. It can be a physical one, or a mental one.



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24 May 2011, 11:54 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Sometimes we can see ourselves as the victim when really we are not. We may be doing something wrong and not even know it but they don't know we are innocent about it. They just assume we are doing it intentionally.

From what I have gathered online at Babycenter, from the attitudes I have seen from women and how they process information and interpret things, I discovered I maybe come off as rude to people or judgmental because they misinterpret me. So that could explain the unfriendliness I get or the rudeness because I am being ignored. But all it did was it got me more paranoid so I am even more quiet and too even afraid to socialize fearing I might say something wrong. So this could be the case with you. Maybe you are saying something wrong and the people are interpreting it differently. I have also noticed online that people love to pick on others when they think that person was rude or judgmental. But to me they come off as bullies even NTs get the same crap there. I even think they love to take things out of context because they just want to argue. In real life I don't know what they are like. Part of me thinks this and the other part of me thinks they do it because they felt they have been judged and felt the person had been rude to time to make fun of them and be all hostile to them and rude. But to me the OP always looks innocent and I always think "Can they even correct the OP in a nice way than being all rude and nasty, I'd just shut them out if they did that to me." These women are not rational at all. Sure these things may happen to NTs too but it sure happens to us also. But these women are still jerks, end of story. Post a thread there, be prepared for the attacks. Then they get mad when you hair flip, a term they use for when you leave your thread and not come back, same as when you don't keep arguing with them or backing up your thoughts. I even found out they will try and egg you to hair flip by doing things like be rude or just wanting to argue or posting images to spam your thread. You can't win.


But often we don't understand what we did wrong to set someone off. To our point of view, we are always the victims. So I am sure to other peoples point of views, we are playing the victim. Even if we did know what set someone off, we still think we didn't do anything wrong and the other person is just mean and that it's their problem, not ours.


And sometimes others are the ones who are doing something wrong......I mean I got sick of always trying to look for what I was doing 'wrong' when a lot of times it was more others then me doing things wrong. I mean I think its kind of common sense the one person who has no friends probably does not really want to get picked on. There is really no excuse for that sort of thing even if someone with a mental condition does come off as a bit 'off'. I mean I realise that sometimes others might misunderstand and possibly get offended if they take what they misunderstand personally....but that is no excuse to treat someone like crap if they have not actually done anything to you.



I used to think I did something wrong but now I have grown to think it's them with the problem, not me. Something I have noticed with aspies. They either think they did something wrong or think they didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes it's just obvious the aspie didn't do anything and it was the other person with the problem but the aspie is just assuming they did something aspie that ticked the person off. But hard to tell as an aspie. At Babycenter I think it's those women with the problems, not me or the OPs no matter how they feel or think. I still think it's no excuse for them to be bullies or rude.



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24 May 2011, 12:05 pm

For the most part, people can't stand anything/anyone that's different than they're used to. It makes the majority uncomfortable. They like conformity, since people who are on the spectrum don't conform (along with anyone else who would be considered to be weaker or a minority), we are often the ones set up for bullying. I also think people that do the tormenting, do it to feel better about themselves (self-esteem issues). So they purposefully find someone/something they consider weaker to attack.

I have been bullying for most of my life, & it doesn't solve anything. Ok maybe the bully feels better, but at what expense? I know they never feel guilty....must be nice. I'll never understand their reasoning.


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draelynn
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24 May 2011, 12:32 pm

It's how small, petty people make themselves feel superior. My strategy in high school was to take every insult I received, or heard and come up with responses that I then practiced mentally over and over. Whenever someone I was not direct friends with approached me I remained suspicious of anything they had to say to me. When someone who had bullied me in earlier grades approached me with a smile, I trained myself to assume that they were up to no good. I learned alot about peoples motivations in high school. The only thing that really stuck is that people, in general, are extremely self serving.

It's a bleak view of the world but this is the world we live in. The older you get, the more other people grow up and learn to look outside themselves. It does get better. Hang in there!



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24 May 2011, 12:53 pm

And they say ASD people are the ones who lack understanding for others! :?


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kittie
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24 May 2011, 1:17 pm

Fnord wrote:
You consider yourself a victim. This affects your attitude and behavior. People pick up on your sense of "victimhood" and exploit it to feed their own egos.

When I stopped thinking of myself as a victim, people soon stopped treating me like one.


Completely agree. :)



user1001
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24 May 2011, 8:07 pm

I also get people think that they are better than I am and think that they can get away with me all the time. People will say "Im smarter than you" or "You're not good at this" or "You suck at this" and I would get really offended by other peoples comment. I guess I am just really sensitive to what other people tell me. Other people also think that they can do things better than I can and will always try to correct me for making the simpleist mistakes (Sorry for spelling and grammar issues) but I just hate it when people think that they are better than me or smarter than me and think that they can help me when I don't need it.



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24 May 2011, 9:34 pm

People don't understand us, because we're different. They're afraid of people who are different, so they are mean to us.


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25 May 2011, 1:24 am

ScientistOfSound wrote:
Because people dislike anything that challenges the norm. Simple really. Yes its incredibly stupid and pointless, but then again we ARE just angry monkeys flying through space on a rock. Don't expect much from humanity dude, we're all scumbags.


Exactly. We're different. NT's are always afraid of what's different, and what they can't understand. They let their ignorance blind them to an entire class of people that they don't even take the time to get to know.



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25 May 2011, 5:40 am

Because they lack certain social skills. It's funny to think that Aspies are the ones supposed to be lacking in social skills and needing to be taught them. But, many NTs also lack social skills, just different skills to the ones we might not have. For some reason I can't fathom out, it's acceptable for those skills to be lacking. It's been a long time since I was at school, but I still remember being made fun of and being left behind when someone 'better' came along. At least I had the social skills to know not treat other people with such disrespect.



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25 May 2011, 6:16 am

I think there's a human instinct to take out the losers so that they don't waste resources or mess up the gene pool. They see us as losers because they don't look very carefully.

Dad used to keep chickens......if one was sick, the others would take a swipe at it whenever they happened by, presumably to hasten its death. I guess humans carry the same "heartless bastard" gene.

It's interesting that human society these days tends to have rules against such behaviour. The middle class seems to temper the worst behaviour of the rich and powerful, who would kill off the sick on an industrial scale if not for that counterbalance.



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25 May 2011, 6:56 am

ToughDiamond wrote:
I think there's a human instinct to take out the losers so that they don't waste resources or mess up the gene pool. They see us as losers because they don't look very carefully.

Dad used to keep chickens......if one was sick, the others would take a swipe at it whenever they happened by, presumably to hasten its death. I guess humans carry the same "heartless bastard" gene.

It's interesting that human society these days tends to have rules against such behaviour. The middle class seems to temper the worst behaviour of the rich and powerful, who would kill off the sick on an industrial scale if not for that counterbalance.


When I worked one summer while I was a student at a free range farm, I saw exactly this sort of thing with chickens. One chicken was almost bald of feathers, so clearly not as healthy as the others. Other chickens would viciously, violently peck every time they passed. It was a saddening thing to see every day.

The more assertive Aspies, and those who have been more able to work on their social skills are those who are going to get picked on less. In school I was exactly like the OP but gradually changed this as an adult by addressing where I was going wrong and addressing anything that annoyed people that caused them to react badly. It helped me just to be a good citizen and be as polite with people as possible (subject to occasional inadvertent Aspie faux pas).

However, that's absolutely not to trivialise there is a human (or animal) instinct to take out the losers, and Todesking is bang on about the genetic explanation, which also explains why it's difficult to find a partner. There's an external as well as an internal thing, so responsibility lies on both sides.



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25 May 2011, 12:00 pm

Keeno wrote:
ToughDiamond wrote:
I think there's a human instinct to take out the losers so that they don't waste resources or mess up the gene pool. They see us as losers because they don't look very carefully.

Dad used to keep chickens......if one was sick, the others would take a swipe at it whenever they happened by, presumably to hasten its death. I guess humans carry the same "heartless bastard" gene.

It's interesting that human society these days tends to have rules against such behaviour. The middle class seems to temper the worst behaviour of the rich and powerful, who would kill off the sick on an industrial scale if not for that counterbalance.


When I worked one summer while I was a student at a free range farm, I saw exactly this sort of thing with chickens. One chicken was almost bald of feathers, so clearly not as healthy as the others. Other chickens would viciously, violently peck every time they passed. It was a saddening thing to see every day.

The more assertive Aspies, and those who have been more able to work on their social skills are those who are going to get picked on less. In school I was exactly like the OP but gradually changed this as an adult by addressing where I was going wrong and addressing anything that annoyed people that caused them to react badly. It helped me just to be a good citizen and be as polite with people as possible (subject to occasional inadvertent Aspie faux pas).

However, that's absolutely not to trivialise there is a human (or animal) instinct to take out the losers, and Todesking is bang on about the genetic explanation, which also explains why it's difficult to find a partner. There's an external as well as an internal thing, so responsibility lies on both sides.


Then there are people like me who don't really want to be polite to people that would otherwise pick on me....if someone has a problem with how I am I will not make an extra effort to be polite and nice to them to avoid 'doing something wrong so they don't react badly'. But then again I have gotten to the point where I do not feel like I need other peoples approval....so if someone does not like me because I come off differently then your typical NT then I don't like them either.