"I have Asperger's" is no excuse.

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Not everyone is as lucky to be nonobvious. People have a tendency to make their own judgments about things they don't know. I've heard everything from being arrogant for simply sitting by myself to accusations of sexual harassment. I've even had the experience of having the "demon of muteness" cast out of me. This was all before my diagnosis. I didn't know nor understand any of this and neither did anyone else. Today I have no problem explaining to people I'm trying to develop a friendship with the fact that I'm going to be a little odd and the reasons for it. I think it's unrealistic to assume people will automatically understand things. This doesn't mean I have a license to be rude to people simply because of my diagnosis.



Which is why I decided to play the devil's advocate.

Oh yeah. I've been prayed over like that.

WTF? I'm "oppressed" by evil because I don't conform to what ever you're own particular concept of truth happens to be? Jesus must really be impressed with your ability to pass judgment on the innocent.

@wavefreak58: I think ignorance was the bigger factor there, yet harm is still done either way.

I just ignore various exhortations to "never use your disability as an excuse." The idea of it is pretty vague and abstract to me, and the practical examples always seem to come down to something like "never use your disability to explain something, and you probably shouldn't ever mention your disability at all. Just to be on the safe side."

While this thread did not explicitly go there, I think a couple of responses have approached it or at least gone into orbit.

Anyway, I wouldn't give the advice in the OP to say anything that suggests that disabled people should be responsible for shielding others from the unintended consequences of their disabilities. It is sometimes (even often) true that sometimes one can't achieve something or one forgets to do something or whatever due to their disabilities.

What I would point out is that most people are a**holes and will assume an honest explanation is an excuse because most people don't really understand that "disability" means a limitation on one's capabilities in some way, or they think it just means "You have to try a little harder." Or they think that mentioning actual difficulties and challenges you face is emotionally manipulative. I would suggest finding other ways to explain the situation that does not directly reference autism, ADHD, etc. Not because these are never valid reasons, but as a matter of self-protection from other people's ableist prejudices.

And sometimes it's downright appropriate to bring up.

Well yes I would certainly agree that aspergers is not an excuse to be rude.....though I do have to mention a lot of times if I don't say what people think I should say they might take it as rude,there are some parts of social interaction I really just don't understand and have difficulties with. But yeah if I am legitimetly rude to someone it can't be blamed on aspergers it can only be blamed on me.

If I am being deliberately rude, I don't want anyone to have the misapprehension that it was an accident brought on by my inability to read social cues or know the appropriate thing to say.

Why be deliberately rude and then pretend it was an accident?

One should not base one's experiences with insecure assh0les and religious zealots for an opinion on how the normal population responds to someone who sits alone or is quiet.

It's about how you're raised, not any type of anomalous neurological condition. There are people that use their AS as an excuse, but don't bother learn social skills. They forget that having AS also means you have a penchant for learning and discovering. There's no reason you can't take time out of your day to learn how to choke out a few niceties and attempt to codify a few social rules, even if it is nauseating.

I'm not naturally good at small talk and I find that systemizing social rules is arduous, but if it's the price I have to pay to function in school and work, then I'll figure out how to do it.

It might not be an excuse but it is a fact. It could also be a fact and an excuse.

Yer but sometimes Aspies be rude without realising it, because some find it difficult to tell between what's rude and what's not, and I think saying, ''sorry, I've got AS, please excuse me'', is a way of owning up and admitting that you were in the wrong. But intentionally being rude and using AS as a way to think you can get away with being rude is not appropriate. So it depends.

Well actually there is more to behavior then how one is raised.....aspergers is still not an excuse to be rude or an excuse to refuse to even learn any social skills. However a lot of people with aspergers may not be able to behave completely normal so others are still going to know there is something different about them.

That's right too. I've never done this. If I've been rude without realising it at the time, I usually come to realise it a few moments after, then think, ''oops, I done it again,'' and I think some people can tell that you did not do it intentionally by the guilty look on your face after. But I have never thought, ''oh good, I have AS so I can be rude whenever I want.'' That is inappropriate.

I wonder, in my case, if I can really ever learn them and be a effective as an NT. I can learn rudimentary ones but I miss out on the all important subtleties.

Well I can communicate fairly effectively....but I don't get all the little details and then there are some things I understand but can't do. Like eye contact I understand it but I can't do it unless I know the person I am talking to. I can force myself but then I feel really uncomfortable and cannot follow what they are talking about. But yeah I am not intentionally rude to people and if I slip up and they ask me about it I might mention the AS, but I'm not going to bring it up.

Well, of course. I know from feedback over the years that I have often been unintentionally rude. I also know that I have on some occasions deliberately as rude as possible. I didn't use the former to explain the latter, because being rude was part of the intended message.

I don't always realize a few moments after. Sometimes it's days or longer.

I've never used it as an excuse. I don't see any point in doing so.