Eye contact-Why did/do you dislike it?

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Yes, exactly. I understand that there is something happening with the eyes, silent messages that are being transmitted, but I can't decipher it properly.

THIS.

I'm either 'on' or 'off' with eye contact; either I get worn out and look away, or I'm staring blankly ahead. It's like looking into two lightbulbs, I swear. WAY too much energy, all beaming straight at me.

I've been practicing for most of my life, though, so occasionally I have natural eye contact. If I'm saying something important or need reassurance, I look someone in the eye. But those moments are rare.

Does therapy train you for eye contact? Because I'd like to learn how not to seem creepy.

I'm not sure when I started avoiding eye contact, or if I always did, but I remember thinking it was fairly normal due to many of the shows I watched.

I don't think anyone heard of occular speak, because I made it up on the spot.

eye contact varies with who im speaking to. with some people i can make ok eye contact, with some i end up staring and studying them like a bug under a microscope instead of making proper eye contact which gets a little intense for them. most of the time i dont do it though because peoples eyes are so intense it feels like theyre looking inside me or me into them. its downright unnerving. sometimes the feeling is so strong i cant even fake it or look at their face of body. it makes my heart beat faster and i can feel myself flush and i start to sweat. the weird thing is some people are a combination of me wanting to stare and me feeling naked under their intense scrutiny.

It makes me feel naked, exposed. Weak if you will. It's very uncomfortable.

People that I've know for a bit and I like I have less issues with. Very few people I can tolerate looking in the eyes.


Btw how do you decide which eye to look in oO? I always wonder considering you look at one point not two

This is going to sound odd, but I didn't realise I didn't make eye contact until about a year ago. I have usually looked at people's mouths when they were talking and I assumed that was "eye contact" because I was looking at their faces. If not looking at their mouths, I wasn't looking at then at all - my actual preference for conversation is "side by side" and looking out.

But suddenly I had the realisation that actually most people look at other people's eyes - and that is what everyone refers to as eye contact. What a revelation!

So I tried to consciously make REAL eye contact and came across two problems:
1. It felt really threatening and uncomfortable for me - I don't understand why.
2. I missed a lot more of what was being said because I wasn't able to focus on the words and the eyes at the same time.

Now I work with looking at the mouth with an occasional very brief flick up to the eyes when I remember and to see if the person is paying attention (though of course I don't know if this is the case - I assume if they are looking in my direction they are paying attention but then again I know that for me looking in someone's direction doesn't necessarily mean this! And I can only do this flick up to the eyes when I'm the one talking, I don't seem to be able to do it when they're talking.


Eyecontact is so complicated and confusing. I wish I'd never realised I had a problem with it and was still oblivious!

I don't remember whether I ever made eye contact naturally in the past - I suspect not.

There's a way to focus on the eyes as a whole and not individual eyes but sometimes I bounce between the two eyes.

Reasons for my difficulty with eye contact.

1. I forget to do it.

2. It hurts; it's not unlike looking into the sun.

3. It's awkward: I can see that people are using it to communicate something to me, but I can't tell what they're saying.

4. Single-channel attention: it's hard to hear what people say and look at them at the same time.

5. My brain interprets it as incredibly intimate, more so than sex even: it feels creepy that people would try to force that kind of connection before we know anything about each other.

I don't have problems with all kinds of eye contact, though.

i've paid quite a lot of attention lately to my eye contact, or lack thereof. long ago i realized that i naturally look at people's mouths. i discovered this long before i discovered i had AS but did not think much of it at the time other than noting that i was reading their lips to help process what they're saying. it's so habitual, i generally do the same when speaking to someone, if i look at them at all. (sometimes i get distracted or startled; sometimes i simply forget - because it has no importance to me - and realize later i have not looked at someone at all.)

i do actually try to make eye contact because i know it reads badly to other people if you do not. but i have to choose one eye, i can't maintain it for long (i'll go back to watching their mouths), and when i observe other people speaking to each other and the amount of eye contact they make, i notice it is far far more than i am capable of. i misread it also; when i see other people talking and making eye contact i assume (incorrectly?) that they are flirting or have some sort of intimate relationship with each other.

it does not feel like something that is ok to do casually, to summarize. but to me, quite often, neither does conversation.

yes, i guess that's what happened to me too.

i was previously confused by watching people in movies because it seemed so feigned that they made so much direct eye-to-eye contact, and then i noticed people in real life actually do it as well.

No, that's it. Exactly. The eyes are open doors. Liek houses with wide open doors pressed up against each other. It's like I see right into their private life, their hopes and fears, their most personal moments. I connect. Looking into eyes, kissing, sex, a lifetime together, staring for hours, one wants to lead to the other. Looking into eyes is like staring at someone naked and seeing them from childhood to old age in that state, and promising your whole life to them. I do want to do it (well with a few particular people!) but it feels so wrong.

Ever since childhood I have got used to unfocusing my eyes and looking just between their eyes. It's like wearing clothes and not staring into windows. It works for me.

I've found whenever eye contact is made I'm intensely aware of it, and it's not a pleasant sensation. The closest analogy I've found, and it is rather weird, is in Lord of the Rings when Frodo puts on the ring and the eye of Sauron stares back at him. It's like the world fades away and my mind is just going 'omgeyecontactomgeyecontactomgeyecontact...'. It can be rather disruptive to your train of thought.

Interestingly I've noticed that this doesn't happen in situations I'll loosely term 'formal'. For example in interviews, presentations or working with other people I can look at their faces (broadly in the eye region) with no difficultly. It's possible I'm not doing the right kind of eye contact, but it's something. I get no feedback (emotional or otherwise) from doing so though, in fact I process nothing but the words the person is saying. It's possible that in social situations it's my brain trying to decipher the stream of information coming from eye contact that makes it so difficult, perhaps in more rigid/structured situations (less variables) it doesn't try. That is pure speculation but I'd like to know why the discrepancy occurs.

My little Autie looks at my eyes lots, I will catch him looking at me when I'm not looking at him, and he will look for a long time, more than my NT daughter for example.

It's because he loves you, and he feels connected that way. I used to want to gaze at my ex for ages, and she didn't like it at all.

- I fell physical pain in my eyes. Is the same pain and the same effect when you watch the sun in the clear sky directly. And it remain for at least 10 minutes
- I can't focus my attention on what the person in front of me say
- I fell scared