"You look really thrilled to be here"

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I've worked numerous retail jobs in my life, so I've heard comments like that on countless occasions. Just last week a regular customer told me "You never look happy!" I usually tell people like this that I'm just concentrating on my work. Or I tell them I'm "deep in thought" which many of them seem to find amusing. (Perhaps cashiers and stockpeople are not supposed to be capable of deep thought?)

I've learned to take this as a fact of life in my work environment. But I get irritated with total strangers who make comments to me while I'm walking down the sidewalk. "Smile! It's not so bad!" is one I've heard many times.

Ha, this happened to me also recently. I had never tried, so I actually opened up totally and explained in detail why the comment was unfounded. After me explanation, there was an "oh, ok, I'm...sorry" ... I only seemed to scare them... last time I'll bother with that approach I guess

This has happened to me as well at work. I have people tell me "You could at least LOOK like you want to be here. Smile or something."

I have a hard time at work. I got the job through the capabilities program, and although some know about it, not all of them do. I don't want special treatment, I just wish they'd understand sometimes

I guess I don't know what I want.

When i was little people always assumed i was thinking something funny, because i was constantly smiling. Even if i had nothing to think.

An episode about 'why so serious?' is when our science teacher had to tell us result of science test. One of my classmate has asked to me 'how can you stay so calm when teacher is going to say our test results?' and i was worried.

I had something similar happen, but on the opposite end of the spectrum. I shared some good news with a co-worker, and she was disappointed I didn't look excited. I asked her how long she had known me (a few years by this time) and said that I've always been this way. Her response was, "Well, I thought we would've changed you by now." WTF?!?!

If people think you look serious, or angry, or not smiley while you're working in a retail job, that doesn't exactly make you look out of place alongside some of the others doing similar jobs.

I here stuff like that all the time... things like "Gee, you look thrilled to be here" and "Don't get too excited now" and "who died?". it drives me crazy and is pretty much guaranteed to put me in a bad mood, even if I was having a good day up to that point.
Why do people insist on telling me to smile? maybe I don't want to smile, leave me alone about it... I think it's really creepy when people walk around smiling all the time, there's no way they are always that happy. how I'm I supposed to tell if they are actually happy vs when they are faking?

If I do try and act happy (regardless if I am or not) people tell me to calm down, that I'm acting creepy.... which is it? do they want me to be my normal self (seemingly depressed), or "happy" (which people think is creepy)? it's a lose-lose situation for me.

I've never understood why not smiling = pissed off.

I even get crap like that from my mom sometimes, she'll say things like "perk up and stop acting like your last friend died" which really hit's home twice, once because it's depressing to be told you're depressing, and secondly is because I don't even have any friends.

Yeah, that's definitely what I mean. It's frustrating. It almost seems like the rest of the world is working against me, like they're just trying to bring me down. Just leave me alone! Don't comment on my mood.

Thanks for all the replies, everyone. My day just got better, because now I know I'm not the only one who has to put up with stuff like this.

Yep. Such sarcasm or teasing is often considered humorous/entertaining by other NTs, so they mostly do it thinking it'll brighten your mood. Little do they know, however, you're not NT...

I don't know, I think if you work in retail, coming across as pleasant should be in the job description.

I think if you're polite and helpful, it's ok not to smile as much (though it helps) but a lot of surly clerks come across as borderline rude- it's body language and tone as well as the facial expression. It may not be deliberate on their part, or maybe they just constantly have a bad day, but it does provoke a hostile gut-reaction back from the customer.

As the customer, I don't care- it's their problem - but in the past I used to think it was something I'd done, and I know a lot of people who take it really personally when a store clerk is surly; some of those are probably the kind to make those comments (unhelpful as they are).

It's different if you're just minding your own business and not actually serving people/on duty at the time.

I had an idea this morning about why NT-ish people feel they need to change our facial expressions. I read that some researchers believe Aspies have fewer "mirror neurons" than NTs.

So, the NT-ish feel the way we look to them when they see our facial expressions, and can't help it.

It's nobody's business telling anyone what their face says they feel like. I can't speak for all Aspies and auties, but my facial expressions RARELY reflect what my feelings are, unless I do it on purpose. Case in point, If I'm sitting and listening attentively and closely to someone explaining something to me, I need to look off into space, and I guess I have a blank face at that time too. This causes people to THINK I'm bored or not listening, which is absolutely the opposite! If I look the person in the face, I cannot hear what they're saying, and they're astonished when I apologize and explain, if they notice the blank face and the space staring, and they accuse me of not listening. They just don't get it unless they've been educated on autism. What really comes to mind is my 10th grade English class... I was CONSTANTLY getting yelled at for not paying attention, and thus I felt disliked and dishonored, and I skipped class a LOT. But the "shocking" truth is; I was the ONLY STUDENT in the entire class, to make 100% and an A+ on the final. I only got a C in the class though, because it is a collective grade which includes attendance, classroom habits, etc. But that proves my point about how I listen and learn. And just for the record, that was before I was diagnosed with anything, and it was in a regular public high school class.

Charles

Looking at scowling cranky people is painful and annoying. They are not just saying something just to bug you. Not that it's your fault, life is hard, but still, take responsibility for your actions. I think its a safe guess that you do feel pretty cranky and stressed and don't want to be there, you are just so used to it you don't see it anymore. Its like that thing about depressed people not realizing they are depressed. Aspies tend to be so out of touch with their own feelings.

I act the same way but also I get bothered by seeing other people acting that way.

I'm just saying, understand where other people are coming from. You have power over other people. If you act cheerful it will pressure other poeple to act cheerful, and if you look cranky it is pressure on other people to feel bad.

I heard it's a common symptom in autism for the facial expression to be incongruent with ones' true feelings, so to tell them to "cheer up" doesn't actually help, as they could be pretty cheery but still have their facial expression being interpreted incorrectly. The only way I could imagine correcting the problem would be to practice facial expressions, and to get their facial expressions confirmed by another NT. (Just to make sure that the facial expression really isn't 'creepy'.)

Among NTs, though, I do wonder if that "You lose an emotional frame a reference as you get used to it" concept actually happens and it's somewhat common. Like, for example, I don't feel depressed at all but I do wonder if I might be depressed but don't know it with all these uppity, cheery people that seem to exist everywhere in the real world. I assume it's just my relatively melancholic personality type and not "depression", per se.

Usually I look angry and serious because that is exactly what my personality is. I just think it's rather odd that NT's think they need to say something about it. Especially multiple times. I think they might do it for their own amusement. How many times does Adam crack jokes about Jamie's seriousness on Mythbusters? Can't he see that no matter what he says Jamie never finds it amusing? And to think we're the ones that suck at empathizing.

me too. extremely annoying.