Don't expect others to bend their backs for you

Post Reply New Topic

- 30 is the new '20' ... does that make '20' the new '10' ...? The way many of today's 20-year-olds act, I'm beginning to wonder.....

People where I live have to 'bend over backwards' for me. I live in a care home. I don't blame my AS for anything, but I am quite severely impaired by it. Sometimes I do tell people that I have AS and that's why I behave in a certain way. How dare you come on here, a site where all of us feel safe to be ourselves and tell us to 'grow up'. I think you need to learn more about AS before you make sweeping judgements of us.

It is terribly immature to blame problems on a disability isn't it? Almost as immature as posting hostility anonymously for kicks.

+1

So who are your comments directed at? Some of us, or all of us? Which is it?

If one were to take the post literally, it seems that only men have AS, and are also able to bend over backwards. Interesting.

well I did agree with the originial point that you can't expect others to bend their backs, in unessisary situations. like I don't want my mom trying to find work for me because I think its stressful for instance. But disabilities do cause problems...my inability to make eye contact for instance is related to having Aspergers. So how would it be immature to blame that on the disability when that is the direct cause?

Ugh. First of all I don't know about others so I will adress only me. The no Job no friends notion doesn't originate from hating NTs. That is actually the syndrome's fault. The hating NTs part is a direct result of expressing that exact frustration (from having no job, etc.). I often think about frustration but I NEVER generalize and hate all NTs, I hate only those who harmed me constantly. and if an AS would do me the same I would hate him too. We are all people and I do not tag them, whenever I can.

Exactly. I don't expect NTs to pay for any medication, counseling, etc, I may need in order to cope with the difficulties I face. I don't expect them to have be the shoulder I turn to to lean on, and I don't expect them to listen to me b***h and moan about my lot in life (Hell, I don't even complain a lot to my family. Sometimes, I do vent and let them know that I do sometimes struggle, but if anybody finds that objectionable, I'd ask them to point me to one person who doesn't do the same.). That said, though, I do expect to be treated with some decency, respect and understanding, much as people would expect the same for their difficulties in life. That's not expecting a "Handout", because I can tell you first hand that if everybody was perfectly accommodating, I'd struggle with aspects of my life, in the same way people who are respected by their communities and who have an extensive support network suffer with some aspects of theirs. What it is is expecting people who would claim to be decent, caring and respectful to, God forbid, act that way. Yup, that's asking for a hell of a lot, ain't it? I really hope you don't get a backache doing all that horrible "bending", OP.

Last edited by Jordan87 on 30 May 2011, 12:09 pm, edited 3 times in total.

THIS.

I am quite impaired as well. I can't cook, clean or do laundry; let alone hold a job or go to school/college without having some severe emotional meltdown. I function somewhat like a child mentally because its the only way I feel safe and secure. A lot of people fail to understand how hard that is and always tell me to grow up.

I may look or act normal but if you knew me like my parents did; then you would know that I am quite impaired. I have a hard time getting over words such as 'get a job' or 'go to college' because people don't realize that I can't. I may LOOK and ACT capable but like I said, if you grew up with me or even had to spend a week or more with me, you would know how odd and impaired I actually function.

Why do NT's always want aspie's to bend over backwards... I get tired of hearing them complain about how they hate their relationships, jobs, school... choice of aftershave....

My feeling precisely, although I will add that I wish that people would simply BEHAVE as human beings as well as treating me as a human being. I find that so many people these days are way too cold, heartless, judgmental and selfish. It seems to be a downwardly spiraling progression of the 1980s generation that someone once coined as "The Me Generation". During my college days in 1968, there was a student movement going on for the betterment of mankind, which had as its motto the words "Give a Damn". These days it really does seem that nobody gives a damn about anything except themselves.

My next stop is a related post titled, "Modern society is autistic?". I often feel this is so obviously true and will probably be saying the same things in that thread. Unfortunately that post seems to miss the bigger side of the picture. Link below:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt163159.html

I often wonder if the human species the world over has been Autistic all along, and is only now are evolving out of it.

I like NTs a lot. All of my family and friends are NTs, and I went to mainstream school, so all I've ever known are NTs. So I like NTs. I admire NTs. I fancy some NTs. My own boyfriend is NT. My own best friend is NT. I get along fine with them. I don't expect them to bend over backwards to get along with me. In fact, I find that I bend over backwards in order to adapt comfortably with them (which I don't mind, but it can be a little tricky at times). In fact, I do this a little much, which is why I end up being took advantage of a lot of the times.

I bend over backwards for other people. Other people do not bend over backwards for me. Other people are the ones with the social and emotional needs which I am supposed to bend over backwards to fulfill even though I do not have these needs.

Well said!

I often wonder why most people here have hard so many struggles with NTs, when I haven't. In fact, the person I have had the biggest struggles with is a "Non-NT". This person doesn't have autism as far as I know, but I do know she has another mental disability. Now, I am not saying that EVERYONE with disabilities is like this, EXCEPT me. Most people with disabilities I have met are just fine. It's just been a couple of people. This is not to say that I have never met an NT that I didn't like very much, I just have never had any SERIOUS struggles with NTs. There was one I was having a lot of problems with; this leader of autism group, I got myself out of the situation by leaving the group. If I dislike a person, it's usually just a personality clash. NTs can have personality clashes with other NTs and aspies can have personality clashes with other aspies. NTs and aspies can have personality clashes together too.