Stop Looking For Insults
02 Jun 2011, 1:49 pm
wefunction wrote:
My mother had true paranoia. She really thought everything that people said was about her in a negative way. I had a discussion with someone about their workday right in front of her. She heard every word. She stormed out of the room. I said to my friend, "I bet she thinks we were talking about her." My friend was boggled. How?! But, sure enough, she stormed back into the room five minutes later to confront us on how rude it is to make fun of people when they're sitting right there in the room and she did not appreciate being treated that way at all! Now, that is looking for insults! Y'all are amateurs by comparison!
I have the opposite problem. It takes a while for me to catch on. Usually I realize someone is bizarre when they do something totally out of the blue - like troll a post or rudely barge in front of me knowing that I'm there. I've made a decision not to allow the internet stuff to bother me but missing things that are happening against you that aren't overt is unfortunate. When I was 19 or so, I was at a Renn Faire where there were women in character outside the place. We were buying tickets so I was concentrating on that. I hadn't realized that they had been asking me questions the entire time and then started hurling insults at me when they thought I was ignoring them. Oops! My friends filled me in as they walked to the office to report the women for verbally attacking a fair goer. (I guess it was important for me to know since I was the one they verbally attacked.)
Mind you, this obliviousness made me a target of ridicule for my mother and her other children. Instead of making fun of me for being too sensitive or looking for insults, I was made fun of for being dense, not having good timing, and not being smart enough to "get it". There are some things that annoy me about other people, but I wouldn't call it insults... it's just people being thoughtless or inconsiderate. Like, when someone starts putting their groceries onto the check-out belt before you're done putting your groceries on the belt. One time I didn't get upset because the lady who did it had a teenage daughter with her and the kid was absolutely mortified at her mother. It was just too funny. Sometimes people just don't know... like cutting in a line, and will queue properly if you politely correct them. But the uncaring, inconsiderate people are a justifiable annoyance and sometimes even worth getting angry about if the offense was great enough.
I have the opposite problem. It takes a while for me to catch on. Usually I realize someone is bizarre when they do something totally out of the blue - like troll a post or rudely barge in front of me knowing that I'm there. I've made a decision not to allow the internet stuff to bother me but missing things that are happening against you that aren't overt is unfortunate. When I was 19 or so, I was at a Renn Faire where there were women in character outside the place. We were buying tickets so I was concentrating on that. I hadn't realized that they had been asking me questions the entire time and then started hurling insults at me when they thought I was ignoring them. Oops! My friends filled me in as they walked to the office to report the women for verbally attacking a fair goer. (I guess it was important for me to know since I was the one they verbally attacked.)
Mind you, this obliviousness made me a target of ridicule for my mother and her other children. Instead of making fun of me for being too sensitive or looking for insults, I was made fun of for being dense, not having good timing, and not being smart enough to "get it". There are some things that annoy me about other people, but I wouldn't call it insults... it's just people being thoughtless or inconsiderate. Like, when someone starts putting their groceries onto the check-out belt before you're done putting your groceries on the belt. One time I didn't get upset because the lady who did it had a teenage daughter with her and the kid was absolutely mortified at her mother. It was just too funny. Sometimes people just don't know... like cutting in a line, and will queue properly if you politely correct them. But the uncaring, inconsiderate people are a justifiable annoyance and sometimes even worth getting angry about if the offense was great enough.
I remember I got in line somewhere and a lady says to me "Excuse me, did you just realize you cut in front of all these people?" and I looked and saw there was a another line of people. I apologize and say I thought this was the end of the line so why a huge gap and she goes "it's so people can get through" and I go to the back. I was blind. Now I wonder if it was her way of telling me I cut in line but she was just being nice about it. I took it literal then thinking it was a question she was asking. Now I realize if it was her nice way of saying "You cut in front of all these people." But she could have literally meant it thinking I may not have realized I cut in front of all these people so she asked me if I realized it. I've been at Babycenter too much and now I wonder if anything means Y now. If she would have been rude to me about it, I would have thought she was a b***h even though I did something wrong and think she could have at least been nice about it.
Also people who leave their shopping carts in the way, I think they don't always realize they are blocking the path or that people are trying to get through. My husband has pointed out to me where to put my cart and how people are trying to get through and I wouldn't realize it. So I assume it with others too about that is the case with them. So I cut them some slack than assuming they are being rude on purpose.
Same as people who bump into me, maybe they don't even realize it because I don't always realize it myself. If you are walking and you squeeze by, you may not realize you bumped them. Same as if you push your shopping cart around you may not realize you bumped other carts as you passed by. Some people are too far into their world to even notice their surroundings. While others are quick to assume those people are just rude people, I always think they may not be aware of it and they could have something on their mind they need to get done so they have blocked everything else out. So therefore they may be oblivious to their own actions so their behavior is unintentional. But they could be rude people but I don't even know that.
Vivienne
Toucan
Joined: 22 Dec 2009
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 276
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
02 Jun 2011, 1:57 pm
Hm. Okay so, I think you are definitely missing a piece here.
By 'looking for insults' they aren't trying to imply that your logic is unsound, or that your basic premise is somehow 'wrong'.
What they are saying, is that by getting riled up and rigid about 'facts' and 'logic', you are making yourself the butt of jokes.
NT's don't take anything seriously. It's ALL fun and games. Make a mistake? Opportunity for laughs and teasing - normally taken in good humour.
The more you fight to prove your point, the more they see you as 'sport', because it's so easy to get you emotionally riled up.
That's why they say "you must like it, because you keep giving us more motivation to make fun of you".
Meanwhile you are thinking: the more logically I can prove my point, the more likely they will realize I am correct and will then stop teasing me.".
Stop trying to prove you are right. Laugh at yourself for being too intense over something that isn't... 'important' to life as we know it. They will get off your back.
_________________
Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.
~Thomas à Kempis
"Be plain, good son, and homely in thy drift;
Riddling confession finds but riddling shrift"
~Shakespeare
