NTs (the good guys) and Aspies (the problem)

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The thing that really bothers me about this pamphlet is the way that AS spouses are presented as malicious, and that social impairments aren't acknowledged as impairments. More like it's a set of personal/character flaws that the AS partner chooses to inflict on others.

Unfortunately, what I see when I read accounts by people complaining about their disabled partners is itself fairly emotionally abusive, and a strong sense that their partners need to change to entirely accommodate them, without any acknowledgment of their own lack of accommodation as well as their responsibility for how poorly the relationship may have fared.

I mean, I'm not saying it's impossible to be abusive and have ADHD or AS or bipolar disorder or any other condition, but it seems like the accounts that get talked about and promoted favor the neurotypical partners as victims while the disabled partners are portrayed as monsters.

And of course, no one cares about what it's like to live with something like AS and not even realize that a behavior or attitude is causing strife because no one says so until they finally explode and lay all their baggage at your feet because they couldn't be arsed to bring it up before it became a serious problem.

Another element of how "abusive" these partners are is that people who have some of these conditions tend to be much less likely to instigate violence and much more likely to be targets of violence, which makes me question this "symptomatic = abusive" narrative.

I only figured out two years ago that i fit the profile of aspie . Thats a good thing because I was never hampered by a label .

Just like any man I have had my highs and lows in all kinds of relationships . But I have never allowed any weak minded passive aggresive people to mess me around . so if it did not work i just moved on.

I have always been an old fashioned incurable romantic and the truth has always been very important to me. however , the fact reamins that most people lie, cheat , manipulate and destroy other peoples lives to 'get ahead in the world' . which probably explains the perilous crossroads we find ourselves at now.

Its also a painfull lesson realising that for the average normal person ,the best way to deal with your own s**t is to project it on to an honest socialy marginalised aspie who is simply being punished for being true to his/herself .

I have suffered this silly nonsense all my life BUT because i come from a long line of high achieving street smart aspies I was very well mentored as a kid which included the ommision of any label that would hamper my self esteem .

Normal people are by and large professional self pitying victims and emotional parasites who cant stand to see anyone not playing their game by their sick rules .

I have had wonderfull experiences with all my female partners . Its only when the rest of the damn family butts in that things have gone sour . So to survive you have to cultivate and maintain your integrity so that they cant get traction .

Historically ,free thinking individuals have been marginalised ,ridiculed and persecuted . Whatever.

I just refuse to be initmidated by mediocre minds .

I like this thread by the way and look forward to getting back to it later if its still buzzing.

cheers.

You know that hate group FAAAS? Do they still exist? I've always wanted to infiltrate that group pretending to be a normal woman with an imaginary but horrendous Asperger husband who has caused me the unbearable sufferings of Cassandra Affective Disorder. I don't know how well I'd be able to pull off the role of normal woman with imaginary Asperger husband, but I bet I could do it since I'd be very motivated. I could apply my Asperger intensity to infiltrating an Asperger hate group. I'm not sure what I'd do there. I'd probably go to a meeting to scope them out and decide on a plan of action to screw with their minds until they wished that all they had was a fake Cassandra Affective Disorder to fake. When sufficiently motivated, I have a very psychopathic/sociopathic side, and what better place to use it than FAAAS?

Edit: Any slip-ups I might exhibit, such as my eyebrows not being plucked perfectly that week or if I happen to say my favorite word "toaster" several times in succession, could be blamed on my executive dysfunction due to Cassandra Affective Disorder. If I don't read non-verbal cues well or laugh or smile inappropriately, I could blame it on a particular variant of Cassandra Affective Disorder that causes problems in social interaction. You know, the variant that is developed by interacting on a daily basis with a horrendous Asperger husband? Any stimming is blamed on my mirror neurons imitating the disgusting movements of my horrendous Asperger husband.

I need to do a little bit of homework on cassandra syndrome and stuff before i can make any further comment . But if cassandra syndrome is simply victims crying wolf to indulge their victim status and milk a bit of sympathy from their latest target am I on the right path ?

Since I have to be totally fair, I could see how someone could develop affective problems by being around someone with severe social/emotional symptoms of AS

BUT before, anyone flames me, I think that the most "damage" that could be done by a relationship with an aspie would be the psychological equivalent of a head cold. Suck it up, grow up. Your aspie partner deals with real problems.

I think thats a fair and balanced comment Chris. Some people deal with it ,some people insist on making a big deal out of it . Its a compatability issue too. Being a small minority aspies are going to be the elephant in the room quite a lot.

To tell the truth this annoyed the hell out of me. For some reason especially the parenting part. (Even though I'm only a teenager)

If a parent with Asperger’s Syndrome chooses to take an
interest in their child they can be very attentive and go to
great lengths to assist them in practical ways.
• On the other hand, they may have trouble reading their
child’s needs or emotional state and may either respond
inappropriately or not at all, leading to the possibility of
neglect or mishandling or abuse.

Chooses to take an interest in their child? That's absolutely horrible. And also the part about mishandling and abuse- because those with Asperger's always abuse their children, while NTs never get drunk and abuse children.

It's a load of rubbish, basically. The entire thing makes those with Asperger's sound like heartless monsters incapable of kindness and fullfilling responsibilities.

Okay ,I checked out the pamphlet in question and the first thing that leaped out was that its australian.
now im going to be frank and tell you that down here people tend to be as a culture very insular . Its a monoculture .Xenophobia and intolerance is rampant and anyone who is a minority will be treated with suspicion. A lot of aussies have an extreme inferiority complex so they cling to a very narrow band of acceptable behaviour . The convict past has cast a long shadow .
its okay to be a larrikin alcoholic who sits in front of the tv with a remote all evening and work your way through a six pack but if you stray to far from NT here you have to do it on the qt.

I do say this half in jest but just like anywhere else people who are clever and different make NT's nervous.

I have a good friend who's aspie along with his son and its painfull to see how they are subtly excluded.

Oh and by the way , he is an excellent father who busts his chops for his kids .

NT's in my experience are the ones who are abusive manipulators.

I know that this is an old thread from 2011 but if anyone comes across this again, I'd like to remind people that Carol Grigg was more than willing to work with ASAN during their campaign against FAAAS and ASPIA in 2009. They dropped ASPIA as a target of their campaign as soon as soon as they issued an apology and Carol Grigg withdrew most of her offending articles from the internet, not only on the ASPIA site, when she realised how they were viewed by the AS community and this was 2 years before this thread was created:

http://asansouthwestohio.blogspot.com/2009/05/carol-grigg-of-aspia-responds-to-asan.html

http://www.aspia.org.au/home/apology.html

Although that brochure doesn't really give much balance due it not providing a perspective of AS people in relationships, it's much better than some other articles that were previously on the site. Also, even now, she's still sensitive about the kind the kind of language she uses in their publications. I don't think that they want to blame the AS partner so much as trying to solve relationship issues. ASPIA has shown that they're willing to work with us.

In case you're wondering which ASAN campaign I was referring to, I was referring to the one discussed in this thread:

https://www.wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?f=33&t=103089