Do your parents understand you and your AS?

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CockneyRebel
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07 Jun 2011, 2:44 pm

My parents never did understand my AS. They were always trying to raise the AS out of me by silencing me every time I'd mention one of my special interests. They tried to force me to give them eye contact. They made it clear that they hated the fact that I was the only kid in my area who spoke with an unusual accent. They also acted nasty towards me, the time that I was a Beatles Fan between the ages 12 and 15.


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PoseidonSeaGod
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06 Jan 2013, 6:34 pm

I don't know how old this Thread is since I didn't check, but with all complete honestly, the First post hit the nail straight on the head with me.

Like, I'm severely attached to my Computer, I spend as much time as I can on there, I can't even explain why, the amount I get bored while on there is unreal. But regardless I HAVE to be on my Computer, when I'm not I get these feelings that make me just want to dash home back to it at 500 MPH. If I get banned or the Internet taken away from me I get extremely angry and I just want to sleep the time away.

My mum loves to use the Internet against me as a trigger, It's like a constant argument of me Vs her.

For example, if I don't wake up before 11am, she will turn the internet off and say "You are not living life properly" - She is constantly trying to change me and says I am stubborn and not willing to change.
But she doesn't understand that it's not really me? I' can't even put it into words.

Quotes "We need to get you to the Doctors and get sorted out" - "You cant keep living like this". It's as if she thinks there is a "Guide Book" on how to live life and I have to follow it - Everything has to be done her way.

I know how to take care of myself, I'm a very clean and organized person. I just have to be on my PC. (Part of Aspergers is being attached to something? Also likes to be alone?) She doesn't understand this, and blames me for choosing to be this way and constantly slags me down and rages at me. I'm getting sick of it. What can I do?

Thanks in advance, Tommy (:



Murderface
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06 Jan 2013, 6:38 pm

They have no problem with my childrens ASD. Mine they are in denial and have no understanding in me.


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PoseidonSeaGod
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06 Jan 2013, 7:07 pm

If only my mother viewed it like that, and actually realized I had AS.

She's Epileptic also.



emimeni
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06 Jan 2013, 7:16 pm

My parents acknowledge that my disability exists, but won't acknowledge I'm in a gray area where I'm too high-functioning to qualify for home-based services but too low-functioning to have reasonable expectations of living on my own to be easy.


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jk1
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06 Jan 2013, 7:17 pm

My parents don't even know about AS. They may not know why I am weird and friendless, but they are very understanding. They accept me as I am. Although they don't explicitly say it, I know they are badly worried about me. I don't know if I should tell them about AS/autism (though I'm not diagnosed yet) because I don't know if they would be relieved to know that like I did, or they would worry even more about my future.



PoseidonSeaGod
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06 Jan 2013, 7:29 pm

If you did, maybe they would feed you support and you would feel less like you have it.

or it could turn and you will get criticized about it everyday, like me.



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06 Jan 2013, 7:39 pm

Callista wrote:
I wouldn't wish my mom on any Aspie. She swings wildly from "You poor thing; you can't be expected to go to college; come home and live with me," to "Don't be a hypochondriac; you're not really disabled, you're just lazy and dramatic." It's like she can't get the concept that it's ever possible for someone to be disabled and competent at the same time. It really gets on my nerves because whichever way she goes, she's either insisting that something which is a huge part of me doesn't exist, or else putting me down for it and assuming it must necessarily make my life horrible and me incapable of anything useful.

One of my greatest fears is that I'll one day have to go home and live with her again.


In some countries in Europe (where I life, but I do not know for all countries), there is a sort of "supported living" possible for people with a disability.
When you qualify for it, you also do qualify for financial support to be able to pay it.
I will go to a day care center, but in the evening I will go home, it is just that I cannot give structure myself and they help giving structure and learning or improving skills.
But in "supported living" as far as I know you share a house with others, but I cannot tell you about the way they support you further (I guess, it depends on the needs of the individual).
But I do not know about the US in how far these sort of "housing" (I hope it is the right term) is existing.
Then you could probably avoid living with your mother again, even though you would need additional support.


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DanDaMan
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07 Jan 2013, 6:31 am

Not at all.

I thought now i have been officially diagnosed things will get better and they would be easier on me but they aren't. Still get shouted at put down told off 24/7.



PoseidonSeaGod
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07 Jan 2013, 6:56 am

I've recently came back from a Doctors Appointment.

He managed to get it into my mum's head that instead of her trying to change me, it should be her changing herself towards me.

She's going to attend therapy classes to know how to handle me and the way I think. - I'll keep you guys updated with how it progresses, if it works out for the better maybe its something you could persuade your parents into doing also.


I'm glad things have even started to take this turn, because before this, as many other(s) I was constantly put down, moaned at etc. As if I chose to be like this, and act like this.



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07 Jan 2013, 8:39 am

A bit. She reads books about AS, and then just assumes that my AS is exactly like the cases she reads about in the books. Like she keeps trying to twist every weird thing I do to make it look like some sort of routine I can't help, when I don't really have routines, at-least not in the way she thinks.

She doesn't want to know when I have an AS trait she hasn't read about/heard about from someone she considers reputable. Talking to me is apparently not a good way to find things out about me. She just puts all of the blame on me for traits which I can't help that.



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07 Jan 2013, 9:14 am

My Dad tends to not understand but is getting better, he seems to beleave I can turn it off when conveanint, we get along best with some distance, he also is from a large family that puts a lot of importance on having perfect kids/lives and showing face so I don't really it the bill well at all, until now since I have not screwed up my life like some of my cousins have, mostly becouse AS keeps me out of trouble lol, I think he is starting to relize this and is starting to see my strenghs over my weekness. He always said my kid dos not party,drink, date, vandalize, lose jobs etc. Accpence is hard to do I think and has taken alot of time. My Mom had expirence with other issues though work.



Joe90
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07 Jan 2013, 1:13 pm

My family do understand some or even most of my Aspie symptoms.

My brother doesn't, though. He says ''you're just being stupid!'', and that's his answer for everything I do.

My uncle often says stupid things to me, like thinking that just because I am ''an adult'' it means I am ''old enough to go on vacations on my own''. He also thinks that I won't be lonely if I go on a vacation on my own because I will make friends when I get there. He is so close to my mum that he's always known I had AS ever since the day I was diagnosed....but obviously he has a hard time understanding what AS means, plus I know plenty of NTs who wouldn't want to go on vacations alone and wouldn't make friends just like that.

My grandmother has Alzheimer's but is very understanding, even though she has kind of forgotten that I have any disability at all.

My mum and her two sisters are very understanding too, although my mum doesn't always understand how bad my misophonia affects me, although she does a little.

My cousins are all into drinking and partying and so don't think of anything beyond that, so I get criticised because of not socialising.


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07 Jan 2013, 1:29 pm

Do they understand me? I don't know about my father, we don't really talk about stuff like that. (I understand him better than I do my mother, though.) But my mother sure doesn't and often if I manage to explain something about myself to her she comments how 'I think so strangely' and 'am so different from her'. But she does try to understand, so I'll give her credit for that :) It's not like I understand her either. But I try as well.

iheartmegahitt wrote:
It's like when I have something to say, my mind goes in lockdown and I'm standing their like an idiot trying to figure what I want to tell them.


I also have that problem, when I start speaking I'm no longer able to reach my earlier plans of what I was going to say I just forget everything and even forget words, I can't think properly once I start speaking.
I don't have trouble with simple things like saying 'hi' or 'thank you', but this is a big problem when trying to explain myself to my therapist. She always misunderstands me, too.

PoseidonSeaGod wrote:
If I get banned or the Internet taken away from me I get extremely angry and I just want to sleep the time away.


Ah, I can relate in that if I can't do what I'd like to be doing most right at that moment, or if I don't feel like doing anything (i. e. boredom), I'd rather just sleep until I can.



chlov
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07 Jan 2013, 4:40 pm

Yes, they do. Expecially my mother.



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07 Jan 2013, 4:57 pm

I notice my mother tries to and actually sees herself in my behaviour, I'm a bit more extreme than her though. I gave her a book about AS written by Nicole Schuster (an aspie) explaining all the quirks and weird behaviours based on science and personal experience. She also makes clear what the differences to classic autism are. Recently my mother even admitted she could be an aspie herself. She definitely has quite a few traits.
My father has limited interest in that I think and sometimes seems annoyed by it, eventually it could be he thinks that it's just a phase I'm going through, I told them about my suspicion and the confirmation of my suspicion by psychologist, that it makes perfectly sense and explains my abnormal behaviour.

My father seems to have more troubles understanding certain things than my mother, like my hate concerning a loud TV in the living room or sudden loud noises and stinky smells, my sensitive senses at all.
They also stopped trying to get me out of my room and socialize me but also before the suspicion because they noticed it didn't do me all too good and just accepted that I'm a more withdrawn person. :lol:


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