claudia wrote:
I don't feel the need to have friends. I make friends only if I'm highly interested in them but often I don't know how to behave with them. I'm interested in knowledge. I read many books and I enjoy science and computers. I was happy with my books and my computer science studies before my son was born. He changed my life because I feel unfit to raise him. I try hard everyday to understand how he feels and to do my best.
I was always interested in knowledge, too, and reading was my favorite activity for many years (since very young - now I do not read that much - just don't have the time), but I was never really into science. I was more into mythology, history, literature.
I do not think there is such a thing as a mother who feels "fit" to raise her child. When I had my little girl I was terrified. I was so terrified that when the nurse left her near my bed in the hospital so I fed my child and walked away, I left the child there and walked after the nurse. I just had no idea how to feed her, how to hold her, what to do. I read a lot about motherhood. I practically raised her following "What to expect when you are expecting" and "What to expect during the first year", after that I felt a little (just a little) more confident. And even so I made a lot of mistakes (and continue doing so).
If you have to try so hard everyday to understand how your son feels, then probably you are not Autistic. My husband and daughter are Autistic, and he is my universal translator. He always knows how she feels, why she is feeling that way, why she behaves a certain way... he always UNDERSTANDS. I am the one struggling. Thank God I have him.