To come Out or not to come Out as AS?

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Absolutely nothing. No comments, nothing. It's like I fed the information into tar .

A friend of P's (I) was there and kept making underhand, bitchy remarks at whatever I did. So I clammed up and observed the situation to see if there'd be an opening. Except for 5 hours, there was no personal conversation at all. I asked my BF about this and he suggested trying it at the end of the evening, but by the time that came, I was so tense and confused about what was the correct social convention that I couldn't do it.

I could have tried to say something, but I didn't feel safe to try and talk about it considering I's comments all evening. Plus, they didn't seem to relate to each other in a personal fashion, so I started wondering if I've misinterpreted our relationship for the past 20 years! Are they just roleplayers who meet once a month and have no wish to be involved more closely? I couldn't read any closer connection .

It's certainly a thought. I need to come up with an accurate list of what I actually am in relation to AS, I think.

Arian have you ever got help from the NAS ?

Sorry, I'm a noob - what's the NAS? And can I pretend that they're like the SAS, for the cool factor?

thay kick ass and can help you with this

http://www.autism.org.uk/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Autistic_Society

Oh cool! Thanks, that's really helpful, especially their explanation of AS.

In that case I do wonder if there would be any point in saying anything more. The more you tell them with no reaction from them, the more frustrating it will get.

I admit, I do wonder. The ways NT's think really confuses me.

The way people think confuses me. It certainly isn't limited to neurotypical people.

Hell, I confuse me. >_>

Ain't it the truth!

I was going to start a new thread, but I think this might be relevant here.

Last night, my BF called me and basically made me talk about Sunday night, even though I patently didn't want to. This is quite common, since my reaction to bad stuff tends to be to withdraw and take it out on myself rather than hurt the other person involved. I figure that if I'm going to hurt anyone, better it be me, who can take it, than someone else for the sake of being cruel. This is why I never fought back at school - I had always been told that as a kid I had the most incredible rages, and that, plus my frustration and anger at being bullied created a spectacularly dangerous emotion, as far as I was concerned. Okay, so far?

Except he seemed completely unable to understand me. I tried several different ways to explain that yes, P's friend was bullying me and I resented the fact that yet again (I've had 20+ years of this, remember) none of the guys stood up for me. Just like always. He then called me a professional victim.

I could give defences and explanations which would resolve all of this, but basically - my BF thinks I am a long-term victim? Really? After 2 years together and 20+ years of friendship, he thinks I am a victim, rather than someone who chooses not to fight back because I'm afraid of what my anger might do.

I'm actually offended! And I can usually see the other side of everything!
(I'm also worried that my temper is going to get away with me and I'm going to dump him for this, so I am keeping very, very quiet. But I had to vent somewhere - sorry folks )

That sounds like quite an unpleasant situation.

I'm afraid I don't have much else to say as relationships are, er, not my area of expertise.

One thing that does strike me is that from the sound of it you are the only female in the group and also considerably younger than the other members. (Please correct me if I'm wrong.) It is hard for me to imagine that those two things don't have a rather significant effect on group dynamics and how you are treated/perceived by the other members. That you began a romantic relationship with one of the members after many years of membership must further complicate things.

I certainly don't blame you for being angry/offended, though. Being called a professional victim is offensive. I think most people would react very negatively to such a statement. (I certainly would.)