AS girls and the "tomboy" sterotype

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I am pretty sure I will dress the same way I do now when I am 60. I mean lets face it my band t-shirts and cut off shorts or guy pants are not going away ever.

I wouldnt really consider myself a tomboy. I like my fair share of girly stuff, I have a lot of feminine based interests. I just dont relate emotionally to women that well and I can imitate male behavior more easily and I get along with guys more easily. I'm not nearly as girly as most women, I do like shopping but I go in and out of stores very quickly. You'll never find me in a store for more then 1/2 hr when Im by myself. I do like fashion and makeup(somewhat), but I dont bother with it unless I have a reason to dress up. Putting on makeup is uncomfortable especially mascara. I like hanging with other girls to cook with, to shop with, to do crafts with, etc. But my personality really doesnt mesh with other females very well. But interestwise, I find I mesh with the guys over electronics, science, being physically fit and healthy.

I feel like that at times too. Thats the reason why I tend to get along with effeminate males the best. I used to have jokes with my friends where I was like a gay guy.

@MagicMeerkat: I kind of get where you're coming from.

I've never considered myself a tomboy, because I never had the interest in sports other tomboys I've seen around seemed to have.

I've never felt particualrly girly though and I don't like many parts about being a girl:

I don't like girly clothes, especially anything that is pink, I am far more comfortable in jeans, a T-shirt, and flipflops (even in the winter). I dislike makeup. Makeup just feels way too heavy and itchy on my face for some reason, especially the liquid stuff. I'm having a difficult time with relationships now and figuring out what I'm "attracted" to; my parents are also homophobic and I worry that this is going to create issues in the future. I also don't like wearing bras, but because of how big my breast are, I don't have a choice: it makes my back hurt if I don't wear one. I hate wearing pads, I HATE having a period, I never want to have children, high heel shoes are totally evil, and I wish there weren't so many gender stereotypes associated with being female in society. At the same time, I've never wanted to be male though.

"socialy accepted form of slavery"

You're discription of marriage is brilliant. Marriage as it is currently is exactly that.

No, it's not.

Marriage as it currently is, is whatever the people who are married make of it.

I am married.

We are very independent from each other, but at the same love and support each other in doing what we want and need (which is not always the same as what we want!) to do, and also enjoy spending time together. I do happen to do most of the cooking because I enjoy pottering around in the kitchen by myself. My husband happens to pay most of the bills because he works full time and I can only manage to work part-time. Other than that, I don't think we have any stereotyped roles. It is very very far from slavery, it is an equal partnership. When I can't speak, we communicate by email; and, sexually (or otherwise) he never ever even tries to force me to do something I wouldn't want to do.

My husband is not a wife beater and neither would he ever consider beating a child. He is a gentle, kind, loving, generous man. There are plenty of them around, honestly. I am very sorry that your life experience so far has led you to believe otherwise.

I'm not saying that everyone should get married. Of course not - but I don't think anyone should rule it out completely either. Before I met my husband I was adamant I would never get married, but after 8 years together it felt like the natural thing to do. Next year we celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary.



Heh, my husband would love that (I don't go out drinking with him because I don't drink alcohol and also do badly in those kinds of environments, but he often tells me he wishes I would). But you can't have him - sorry, I rather like him and also he's probably a touch too old for you and also a bit too far away . He is not a unique specimen: I know many other guys that would love that too. From everything you write Sweetleaf, I personally think you are an amazing & exceptional person and I am sure that one day, if you want it, you will find the right long term partner for you - and they'll be very lucky to have you (and probably won't be able to believe they are so lucky that you chose to be with them). Actually, you probably won't "find" the right partner ... that sounds like effort in searching, searching, searching and I don't think that is ever really successful ... but you'll probably come together somehow when you least expect it.



WTF?!?!? How thoroughly stupid. Where in the world do people get their ideas. I am a woman with an inch of hair on my head and have never had a problem getting a job because of it ... why in the world would short hair stop you getting a job. Just ... bizarre.

*Applause for Yellowbanana*

I am a tomboy, and I hate feminine clothes that are always too tight, too short and too scratchy. My mom blew up at me for my clothing. I explained that its my sensory issues, but she kept raging on. My grandmother even called me a freak, but in Chinese of course(by the way the Chinese for freak or monster is 怪物, pronounced as Guai wu )
I also act like a boy. As you can imagine, this made my mom even more angry!
I would never get married or have kids or even get a bf. Thats because I haven't really figured out my sexual orientation yet, and have no desire to know.
And, I don't play with toys, I play with books.

Given how feminized much of society is becoming among most people our age the idea that many AS girls describe such repulsion or non-connection to femininity is quite surprising. I don't feel particularly masculine despite my gender, although I do like the ability to grow facial hair. Maybe its the discrete co-dependence where this girly stuff arises from which seems to be the most repulsive factor, or maybe it's a reaction against the culture of your peers?

In any case I have met AS girls who really like makeup and all those stereotypical girl things. I have even met feminine AS guys.
But hey, I actually kind of like the 'tomboy' thing. It feels as if I am not pressured to show off to critical eyes, not that I don't ignore that feeling anyway.

I was a tomboy, but a lot of my friends were too, and they were NTs.

I was -- and still am -- quite a tomboy. I grew up with two older sisters, which SHOULD have had an influence on my femininity, but my closer companion was my twin brother. In fact, sometimes we think we were a bit switched with the genders...

We played video games together, got into the shounen anime together, etc. Admittedly, I collected a few doll items for about a 6 or 7 month period when I was about 8, but even then, I knew that this was only a front because my mother complained that I was too boyish. I hated that my brother could do 'boy' things and I couldn't. I used to wear his underwear and I used to wear his shirts, and I used to stand up to pee at times. The worst was that my father wanted him to assume the 'male' role, so my brother had so many privileges that I wanted. To me, being a girl meant that I couldn't do certain things. It also meant that, religiously, I was REQUIRED to wear dresses and skirts ever since I could remember. I hated them, and I especially hate that one 'tulle/sheer' layer. Stockings made me itch, the tulle/sheer layer made me itch, and I felt all around disgusting.

Even to this day, because of certain choices in life, I'm required to wear skirts and dresses in certain events, but when I'm away from those events, the bra comes off, the pants come on. I still would rather hang out with a group of people and play cards or video games than chat and talk about makeup and shopping, or about what so-and-so was wearing last Tuesday night...

That depends on your definition of "femininity."



I don't identify with it; therefore, I reject it. The reasons I don't identify with it are numerous, but they don't have anything to do with any attempt on my part to be "different" from my peers.

The problem I have with identifying as a "tomboy" is that at least when and where I was growing up, it didn't have as much to do with not being feminine as it had to do with enjoying things stereotypically enjoyed by males primarily sports and cars. Neither sports nor cars interest me, they seem as meaningless as going to the mall to hang out and high heels.

Give me math, science, books, and computers. I will actively not identify as feminine, but I don't want to identify as masculine either given the stereotypes of masculine. I'm more just a mathematician.

When I was little I wanted so badly to be a boy too. It just seemed more comfortable especially with the clothes. Tshirts soft cotton. girl clothes had itchy lace and weird cut necklines that make me feel crooked. Since I've grown into an adult and can choose things for myself I actually like being a girl but I am also a tomboy. I like being both. I too get crushes sometimes but that is about it. I do not want a boyfriend. I like boys as my friends though I like boys better because they talk less and just do. Also if I make them mad they will come right out and say or show it. Girls are so much more complicated, holding grudges and acting one way than another. Ugghh. Sometimes boys like me and want me to be their girlfriend and that gets tricky. I don't know what to tell them.

I've always been a tomboy - will never grow out of it. Was always playing computer games, riding my bike around, climbing trees etc. Had an interest in cars - still do, but now I can buy my own. I also ride motorbikes - both road and dirt bikes. Still like playing xbox, ps3 and wii. Work in IT.

Hate make up, bras, periods, romance and kissing. I am engaged to a very supportive guy, who embraces my tomboy side and we get along extemely well.

I was never interested in boys until I got to 21, and figured it was the thing to do. I think my parents were worried that I was gay for a while.......