My boss told me to look at him when we are talking

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sagan
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24 Jul 2011, 8:28 pm

Jory wrote:

SammichEater wrote:

I usually look at the mouth, chin, or neck, maybe even the chest if I'm really uncomfortable. Most people can't notice a difference anyway, as long as you are looking in their general direction.

I tend to lower my gaze toward the chest, which is awkward with women because I'm always afraid they're going to think I'm looking at their tits. Which I am, I guess, but I'm really just staring off into space. Now I try to force myself to look at their shoulder or something.

Hm that happens to me too, which is so much more awkward since I'm a girl. I get the oddest looks.

Jory
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24 Jul 2011, 8:30 pm

sagan wrote:

Hm that happens to me too, which is so much more awkward since I'm a girl. I get the oddest looks.

Aren't girls always checking out each others' tits anyway?

Spazzergasm
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24 Jul 2011, 8:32 pm

Jory wrote:

sagan wrote:

Hm that happens to me too, which is so much more awkward since I'm a girl. I get the oddest looks.

Aren't girls always checking out each others' tits anyway?

Yes, but discreetly and from afar.

sagan
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24 Jul 2011, 8:33 pm

Some nice friendly competition? Im not sure. I sure do not, not on purpose anyways.

Chronos
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24 Jul 2011, 8:46 pm

oceandrop wrote:

It was a performance review meeting and I was looking down so I could focus better on what he was saying. He leaned across the desk and asked if there was anything down there I was looking at, I replied no, and he told me to look at him when we are talking then gestured with two fingers towards his eyes and then towards mine.

I was pondering whether I should tell him about my AS but the discussion moved on and I let it slide.

Hrrmph.

Explain to him that it's easier for you to understand people when you aren't looking at them, and you didn't mean to appear disrespectful or as if you weren't listening. Tell him it's a hearing issue or auditory processing problem if you don't want to tell him you have AS.

MountainLaurel
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24 Jul 2011, 9:28 pm

Chronos just posted what I was going to write.

Negolin
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24 Jul 2011, 9:42 pm

the alternate method is good, or just tell him you have a disability.

John_Browning
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24 Jul 2011, 10:18 pm

oceandrop wrote:

Look a little past him, look at another part of his face near his eyes, look at him but let your eyes go out of focus so that everything is a blur. Don't look past him because he might notice that and think you are paying attention to something else. It sounds like your job might be getting on thin ice, so now is a really bad time to make any medical disclosures because it will seem like a copout. It sounds like you are swimming with sharks in your workplace and any sign of weakness will be like blood in the water and they will try to take advantage of you until you quit or get fired.

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Ravenclawgurl
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24 Jul 2011, 10:43 pm

Spazzergasm wrote:

Trust me... They will notice if you're looking at their mouth or chest. These (especially to women) are indications that you are interested.

how is looking at someones mouth a sign one is interested i dont get it? (and im female)

chrissyrun
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24 Jul 2011, 10:45 pm

I had a sign language teacher who constantly told me to look her in the eyes.

Though it annoyed me to no extent, it actually helped with some of my eye contact issues for some time.

Buck-oh
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24 Jul 2011, 11:04 pm

oceandrop wrote:

Tell him how much his presence dominates the room, and you can no more stare into his eyes than you can stare into the sun.

If that doesn't work, tell him you had an erotic dream about him last night and that the dream was pretty intense, so it may take a few days before you can comfortably make eye contact with him. Then I guarantee you and your boss will both be looking down during the remainder of the performance review.

Seriously, though, it's one thing to complain that a lack of eye contact makes someone mildly uncomfortable, it's quite another to berate an employee for not making eye contact. Your boss was pretty rude, and his demands made the conversation more uncomfortable. If someone demanded I look at them, I'd stare at them until they requested I stop. Someone staring at someone with a fixed gaze is a LOT more uncomfortable than talking to someone who's looking at their shoes.

Spazzergasm
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24 Jul 2011, 11:39 pm

Ravenclawgurl wrote:

Spazzergasm wrote:

Trust me... They will notice if you're looking at their mouth or chest. These (especially to women) are indications that you are interested.

how is looking at someones mouth a sign one is interested i dont get it? (and im female)

They may think you want to kiss them, or find the idea of kissing them pleasant.

John_Browning
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25 Jul 2011, 1:46 am

Sometimes I alternate between looking someone in the eye and looking past them.

Tadpole
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25 Jul 2011, 2:46 am

Tell him it is none of his buisness where you look. All that matters is how you do your job.

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26 Jul 2011, 8:42 pm

I tried looking while sneakily avoiding the eyes (by blurring my vision while doing so), but this didn't make it any easier to concentrate :/

Christopherwillson
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17 Sep 2011, 2:05 pm

No one can force you to look into their eyes, it's something they have to deserve.. they can't demand you to do so..

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