What would you say to an aspie in denial?

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I doubt I would do anything. I am not really all that great with coming up with words of wisdom anyway.

"Did you fall off the barge, Pharaoh?"

There is a list somewhere online with all the famous and very functional aspie and auties...I will try to find it for you

Here it is the lists of people with aspergers. Most of these people were/are not broken and are functional members of society, however a few bad guys are in the first list

http://www.ask.com/wiki/List_of_people_ ... _disorders

Those suspected of aspergers before 1975:

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_famous_p ... s_Syndrome

Hopefully that will give him a sense of pride...if not..time will heal.

Jojo

Absolutely nothing. It's not my place to diagnose someone or tell them how they should and shouldn't feel.

I would say: "O.K., if you feel it's the better choice, then don't tell anybody you have it but you can believe me that regardless of how hard you can try, you will never become normal, like everyone else so don't delude yourself that one day you will be like the normal. In other words, don't think that you'll somehow grow out of this because it will never happen".

Speaking from the perspective of an NT.
My aspie husband diagnosed 6 months ago is in denial. We have 2 NT children. Unless my husband acknowledges and researches his condition, I am afraid that we are destined for the divorce court.
Years of miscommunication and built up resentment have caused considerable damage. The only way past this is for both of us to recognise the differences and work out strategies for dealing with them.

If your friend is in or considering an intimate relationship with an NT, I would recommend he/she address the issue sooner rather than later. Many, many, many relationships fall apart because of the aspie/NT differences that are either not recognised or not acknowledged. With the intervention that is now available for early age diagnosis, hopefully these issues will be understood and dealt with a lot earlier than me and my husband (who is in his mid 40's)

He should be careful. He might get eaten by denial crocodiles.

No offense, but I generally find those lists to be rather...lacking in research.

How's your friend doing? Is he still in denial? I've got an ex who's in denial about her son's ASD and, possibly, her own. It was okay for me to have an ASD diagnosis. Unfortunately, my insurance won't pay for me to see a psychologist and I can't afford $6,500+ out of pocket to get an official eval and diagnosis. Instead, I got an eval by a LMHC who found ASD traits but didn't think I meet diagnostic criteria. I think I do. The testing instruments used are designed for male children, not 60 year old women like me. And, I've got EDS/HSD and the MTHFR gene mutation, both of which correlate. Plus, I do a lot of the same things my ex's son does. But, as my ex's son says re: his mother's denial: "There'll never be enough data." Google "anosognosia AND Asperger's" and you'll find a really great blog post by an ASD father concerned about his ASD daughter's denial. It's excellent and provides a lot of great insight. Support didn't help her. Instead, letting her experience her ASD without any supports, due to her denial, eventually was painful enough for her to logically decide it was better to accept her diagnosis and get the services and supports she needs. That's a scary and emotionally painful journey to take but it's what worked. I wish your friend well and hope he/she's doing better.

I was told by a professional about eight years ago that I had aspergers and I outright rejected the diagnosis as the psychologist presented it a way that was almost as an accusation and a mark of shame "you can't do this and you can't do that, you're very odd, did you know that?" I didn't accept it until earlier this year, when I was ready to hear it and it was delivered in a more respectful way.

As a closeted Aspie myself, I know how your friend feels and I can perhaps offer some advice on what to say and what not to say:-

- Don't keep bringing up the A-word. Whenever someone verbally says "Asperger's syndrome" to me I cringe. I don't want to keep hearing it

- Make him feel normal. Usually when an Aspie is ashamed of their diagnosis, it's because they're ashamed of not being normal. Try not to associate everything he says and does with being on the spectrum and instead just see them as his individual personality traits

- Don't give him a list of all the successful Aspie scientists and technicians who are intelligent and rich. That does not always make us ashamed Aspies feel better. Remember, autism is a wide spectrum and so not all of us are super intelligent

- Don't go telling everyone else that your friend has Asperger's, as us closeted Aspies prefer to keep it to ourselves

- Ask him if he has any co-morbids. Sometimes us ashamed Aspies feel less ashamed of our co-morbids and tend to be more open about them, especially if they can be common in NTs, such as anxiety disorder

- Don't force him to accept his diagnosis. He will accept it when ready. In the meantime, just treat him like he doesn't have a diagnosis

- Don't keep bringing the word "empathy" up. For some of us ashamed Aspies, the words "lack of empathy" freaks us out. Just remember that us Aspies don't generally have empathy deficits, and if we do lack empathy in a situation it doesn't mean we lack empathy as a whole person, because even NTs lack empathy in some situations


I can't think of any more. Hope this helps.

Necro alert!

I hope that you are aware that every post on this thread that is above this one by you, is eight years old.

I don't think that the OP, nor anyone else on the original thread, except Fnord, is still an active member of WP.

It might well be a still relevant topic (in a general way), but I just want to make sure you know not to expect a response from the person you are addressing.

His friend is Cleopatra, Queen of the Nile, who was bitten on the breast by an aspie!

Pay thousands for an official diagnosis that does not change the fact you are an anti-social, extreme introvert who prefers being on your own because people do not like you.

This is why I hate old threads being bumped.

Yeah folks see that list of "related topics" at the bottom of the page, and they get delighted to see a topic they like. So they click it and dive into the new second thread oblivious to the fact that the gosh darn DATE on the second thread is from when William McKinley was president (that's when personal computers were gas powered), and they start to give advice to the OP about his gf even though both the OP and his Gf may have drowned on the Titanic a century ago.

Then you point out that fact to the person, and then cop an attitude toward you, and say "WELL...its STILL a relevant topic".

The lesson is (a)be aware of the DATES on those 'related topics' that the Wrongplanet computer serves up to you. But (B) it IS indeed ok to revive a long dead thread if the topic is perennially relevant. And this topic arguably is that. But if you do that please acknowledge that that is what you are doing in your post (state that you know that this is an old thread, but you are reviving it anyway because you are interested in the topic). And (c) don't start asking the original-original poster how her friend is doing.