Are AS people simply too nice?

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FearOfMusic
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05 Aug 2011, 1:54 pm

Tequila wrote:

FearOfMusic wrote:

I am told I am a very nice person. I think it kind of has its advantages and disadvantages though. When I make some sort of social mistake my personality probably earns me a bit more forgiveness since I think I appear more naive than intentionally harmful.... maybe?

Callista wrote:

Just remember, when you are tempted to be "too nice", that letting people walk all over you doesn't benefit them, because it teaches them that walking all over people is okay.

Being too nice has its negative consequences for both me and the other person. For example, I have spent way too many hours and lost sleep helping other's debug their computer programming assignments in college when I should have been doing my own homework. If someone approaches me with a bug in a program I get so easily suckered in. I think people know this have taken advantage of that too, where they would ask for my advice on a 'simple' problem and I help... then there is another underlying problem and 4 hours I am still there and have practically done the assignment for them. Half the problem is I don't really realize when this is happening until its all over and I start thinking about my own responsibilities again. The thing is they probably don't learn anything (though I hope at least they would listen to my explanations) and I don't get my own things done.

If you have your own responsibilities you must take care of first, you have a ready-made excuse right there. Use it!

Yeah I know this. :roll:

The thing is I always think "Yeah I have 5 minutes to look at this" and 5 minutes is about all I need to forget about my own responsibilities. It is something I need to work on.

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Callista
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05 Aug 2011, 2:12 pm

Yeah. It's an odd sort of character flaw, isn't it? It's like the mother who spends so much time trying to make life perfect for her kids that she gets herself frazzled and stressed out, and can't be a proper mother to her kids in the end because she's always so stressed.

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Artros
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05 Aug 2011, 2:16 pm

I do the same thing. During statistics work groups, I often spend more time helping other people than actually doing my own assignment.

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Sweetleaf
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05 Aug 2011, 3:37 pm

sluice wrote:

Most people on the spectrum seem to be among the least offensive people I've ever communicated with. Granted I know very few A.S. in my life, but I think I can be too nice for my own good at times. Is this true for you? Do you think it is a consequence of poor social awareness and trying to make up for social mistakes?

I know much of the world views being nice as being synonymous with being weak. I know I try not being too nice for fear of being taken advantage of at places like work and school. How 'bout you?

Sometimes I feel like it....I mean I am not opposed to being nice, but I have to try and be careful not to let people take advantage of it or treat me like crap for it though that is easier said than done. But also I have veiws that would be considered socialist or 'evil'. Like I think we should have universal healthcare because I have no issue paying taxes to help people as its the right thing to do and I would hope people would do the same for me. So yeah I am not just nice because I have AS it is also a strong part of the kinds of things I belive in I guess.

Artros
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05 Aug 2011, 4:11 pm

The way Americans equalise socialism and evil has always amused me. I mean, I can understand someone who dislikes socialism, but it almost seems pathological.

sgrannel
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05 Aug 2011, 4:17 pm

Artros wrote:

The way Americans equalise socialism and evil has always amused me. I mean, I can understand someone who dislikes socialism, but it almost seems pathological.

It's a contrived thing. I have no doubt that some posters are paid to post anti-Obama messages and so on and so that's what you see in article comments.

If you tell a lie often enough, and forcefully enough, then people will believe it no matter how ridiculous it is.

Examples:
Health care is bad!
We need a flat tax!
We can't just cut our losses!

and so on.

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Artros
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05 Aug 2011, 4:21 pm

I personally think it's a carry-over from the Cold War. It's weird because socialism became pretty huge in Europe and it's basically senseless and political suicide to call someone a socialist or even a communist.

Sweetleaf
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05 Aug 2011, 5:20 pm

lol yes it is rather amusing, but yeah it's a rather common mentality for some reason, even though capitialism is quite evil.......i mean its gotten to the point where everything is about profit, grrr. but I guess this conversation is getting kind of off topic that might be my fault.

CockneyRebel
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05 Aug 2011, 6:01 pm

I'm a very nice person most of the time. There are times that I need to stand my ground on WP and in real life. I'm nice 90% of the time.

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bruinsy33
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05 Aug 2011, 9:17 pm

I think I am good natured.In the work force I occasionally get taken advantage of and end up doing more than my fair share of the work ...I don't think I give off the impression of being ''nice '', initially .I don't smile much and will not engage people until I get comfortable with them ..

Whosinabunker
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06 Aug 2011, 3:12 am

I tend to be everyone's friend, I have very few enemies, and well, very few "actual" friends. I also use almost every opportunity to help someone if I can and I can see that it will actually make a difference. I also find it really hard to just say what I'm thinking about someone if I deem it as mean. I'm also incredibly passive, and apparently that is more obvious to some others than I thought.

Joe90
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06 Aug 2011, 4:19 am

People take advantage of my good nature all the time. I think it's cruel.

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EmmaUK12
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06 Aug 2011, 5:25 am

I try to be caring & put others before myself, It's hard when no one do so in return....

kahlua
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07 Aug 2011, 5:54 am

[quote="Joe90"]I know I am too nice because I fear conflict.

/quote]

Same. But the problem with not being able to address conflict is that its often remaining unresolved, and it stresses me out.

Tequila
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07 Aug 2011, 6:00 am

Sweetleaf wrote:

Like I think we should have universal healthcare because I have no issue paying taxes to help people as its the right thing to do

With competition allowed, though? That's the problem with the UK health care system in that frequently people who are in one or more 'denormalised' groups or are on benefits get worse treatment - or are the subject of verbal abuse or worse by NHS staff - than middle-class folk. Therefore many people like the idea of opting-out of the NHS and going private. You can't do that here in the UK without paying twice.

In fact, many NHS staff dread the very thought of competition as people will then be allowed to choose their own health care. But with the UK NHS there are too many managers and consultants making too much money for the system to be changed.

Capitalism isn't evil; it's the reason we're as prosperous as we are. Nothing particularly wrong with a small welfare state that will look after the sick, disabled and elderly - fair enough. When it becomes - as it has in the UK - far too big it becomes a disease that feasts on the productive parts to survive.

peaceloveerin
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07 Aug 2011, 10:26 pm

Yes, I definitely think AS people are too nice and trustworthy...not a bad thing, though!! :wink:

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