why do i feel the aspie existence to very sad, dark, and emp

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That also sounds like depression. I felt that way when I was first diagnosed with depression.

Are you sure you do not also have depression....I do feel like that, however I think its more related to my PTSD and Depression than the AS itself. Though I will admit having AS does not help those things because it just seems to make me feel even more isolated.

That's a croc.

Full of what I wonder - Undigested perceptions perhaps?

Oh, those questions are easy:
What's it all about? It's about whatever you decide it's about.

Why am I here? No particular reason. Life is a messy accident.

Today I'm alive and tomorrow I'll be dead; what does any of it matter? It doesn't matter at all, unless it matters to you.

Only trouble is, I've known those things for years but I still feel sad, dark and empty sometimes. Perhaps a more useful question is "why the sad feelings?" In my case, I've lost a couple of close friends recently, and I've discovered one or two things about myself that I don't like, and somebody online was a bit of an a**hole to me.

I don't think I'll ever know if I'm clinically depressed or not. It seems rather like AS, in that it only seems to count if it's seriously messing with your life, i.e. it's an arbitrary matter. For me, the way out is purely practical. It's always difficult, because it takes time for me to recognise my feelings and what's causing them, and I'm usually not all that sure exactly what I feel, but sometimes I can isolate the cause of the malaise, and then the required solution is normally obvious. For me, I've decided that it's unwise to chase up those lost friends, so mostly it's a matter of waiting for time to heal me a bit, and just remembering that it's understandable that I'll feel bad for a while (there's nothing worse than feeling lousy and not knowing why), and doing a bit more social outreach when I feel ready.

Isn't that why we have special interests?
To cheer up the sad (distraction)
Put light in the darkness (insomnia)
And fill up the empty (Compensation)
?
I usually feel lousy when I'm between creative pursuits or have satisfied (completely or temporarily) my little interests or projects or researches.

Probably because there is something very unliveable about being autistic, even when you've found satisfcation - it didn't come as easilly to you as it does for other, it's not fair, and quite frankly I wouldn't wish this difference on anybody.

{My italics}-?!

Pretty much, yes. In as far as anybody can ever really know anything for sure. It seems axiomatic to me - what other answers could there be, that would make sense? Another way of putting it is that those questions are usually rhetorical anyway, if asked while depressed.....saying in effect that there is no reason or purpose to life. So what I'm saying is, if you think your life is meaningless, then all you have to do is to pick a meaning of your own and run with it....problem solved.

But of course, if you insist that you must seek the meaning of life out there somewhere, then that way is probably just as valid, for you.

I meant to say that no1 can know for certain that life has no pre-set meaning, that there is no God, no life after death, etc.. - A topic for the PPR forum I guess_. I don't seek meaning 'out there', but I'm open to whatever insight I may gain.

Well, I don't want to get into a debate about religion, afterlife and all that. Perhaps I should have said "understood" instead of "known." Nobody can be certain of anything but I think most of us have to live in the assumptive world to some extent, or we'd never get anything done. I just get so tired of pussyfooting around with mealy-mouthed stuff about feeling reasonably safe to assume this or that, and I don't always get enough time to be ultra-precise, so like most people, I approximate to the truth on occasion.

As for insight, with my method you don't need it. You can make the meaning of life anything you want to, because it's your life, and your meaning. It's not a matter of objectively discovering whose life it is, whose choice it is, or what it means. It's a matter of making a claim on your life, and on the choice of meaning it has, so it's more a matter of will (and possibly confidence) than looking for anything out there. At least, I think that's how it works.

I guess that last bit depends on your temperament - I personally can't make meaning without some kind of understanding to pull everything together. Another potential problem is being unable to find a 'me' to decide with, or to find one's decision predetermined by factors ('animal drives' etc.) that one may wrongly have felt one was above.

Ive been tripped up by my animal self a few times . Possibly it's just a result of trying to go it alone too much......maybe we need friends to warn us when we're getting above ourselves. Maybe my answer to life, the universe and all that needs broadening, to include it being whatever one's friends want it to be as well as what the individual wants it to be.

This sounds like more depressive talk to me. The power of positive thought is said to work.

Well with depression as severe as mine that does not work, but it certainly works for some people...I think someone has to have some confidence for it to work though.