solitude

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I love to be alone. When I am in a social setting I can't wait to be alone again because that is the way I feel safest. I do need contact with others from time to time, though.

I guess how much I'd prefer to be alone depends on what it's being contrasted with.
Here's a visual representation of my personal preferences:



with a romantic partner who loves me































alone




in social situation with people I cannot understand/empathize with and/or find annoying

This is something I have always felt too, I found this in my diary from 7 years ago.. way before I new I had aspergers, in fact before I even knew what it was.


"I have a mixture of feeling isolated, along side a feeling of being overwhelmed and out of place whenever I do find myself among people, figure that one out."

I've never been bothered with my desire for solitude before a few months ago. About 4 months ago, this was me:

"I've never been lonely. I've been in a room -- I've felt suicidal. I've been depressed. I've felt awful -- awful beyond all -- but I never felt that one other person could enter that room and cure what was bothering me...or that any number of people could enter that room. In other words, loneliness is something I've never been bothered with because I've always had this terrible itch for solitude. It's being at a party, or at a stadium full of people cheering for something, that I might feel loneliness. I'll quote Ibsen, "The strongest men are the most alone." I've never thought, "Well, some beautiful blonde will come in here and give me a fuck-job, rub my balls, and I'll feel good." No, that won't help. You know the typical crowd, "Wow, it's Friday night, what are you going to do? Just sit there?" Well, yeah. Because there's nothing out there. It's stupidity. Stupid people mingling with stupid people. Let them stupidify themselves. I've never been bothered with the need to rush out into the night. I hid in bars, because I didn't want to hide in factories. That's all. Sorry for all the millions, but I've never been lonely. I like myself. I'm the best form of entertainment I have. Let's drink more wine!"-Charles Bukowski

But now, this is me:

"My defenses were so great. The cocky rock and roll hero who knows all the answers was actually a terrified guy who didn't know how to cry. Simple."-John Lennon (John Lennon in His Own Words)

It hurts when you need to cry but cannot, when you can't find the... thing to make you cry, even when your sad enough to cry.To not know, even what to feel like when crying. You know it hurts when you get a inclination of... Damn my AS for making it impossible to complete this thought... Loneliness, after so many years of happy solitude, is literally painful.

Sounds like the dream life to me.

I think I feel like this because if I had more time alone I know I could become a better person but right now imp forced to socially interact because of my financial situation. My social awkwardness gets me no were with people. It just seems like people just s**t on me because this and it’s annoying. It’s like I want to give up on people and their BS but I can’t or ill be homeless and homeless is starting to sound really good at this point.

I'll admit to sometimes having a hankering for what I imagine that might be like - sort of like wishing for a superpower - but the reality is that actually having people around is more annoyance than comfort.

I need some social contact - but a hobby club does that for me.

I think it's perfectly natural to want to be alone. ^.^

So true. I have found that I can only make a relationship work if it my absolute top priority and I work at it hard every single day. It's like spinning plates.


The moment you stop struggling they stop liking you. I have seen this with every relationship I have ever had.

Is it worth the effort? After 43 lonely years, I will do whatever it takes. But I am under no illusions.

It's possible that everyone needs some level of socialization, but I think it's pretty common for aspies to need very little. The interaction I am forced to have for work (and I work at home) is enough to make me never want to be around people. I sort of wish there was different interaction using up my resources, as I'd prefer friends over clients.

When I'm alone, I feel less irritated, I have more privacy, and I don't have to think of things to say. So yes, I enjoy being alone.

this is also why i prefer to be alone

I'm very happy being alone. I have lived on my own for close to 10 years and I love the serenity I experience when I come home.

Last edited by johnsmcjohn on 12 Aug 2011, 11:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Most of the time I prefer being alone! I don't have this need be with other people 24/7 and there are the social problems I have to consider as well. A lot of people are energized socially by other people. I know this, but am still baffled by this behavior! I'm also baffled how most people would go insane if left alone for a long period of time!

I do like to socialize with certain people but I probably spend more time alone than with a group of people. Also, the activities I like to do are introverted activities such as music, art, being with animals, etc. I'm kind of more interested in pursuing my own interests than doing them with others, although if someone else shares my interests, I have no problem interacting with them.

It depends on your definition of alone. I feel alone in a positive way when I'm with my boyfriend and only him; I feel alone in a negative way in a crowd; I feel alone in a neutral way when its just me.

I think the first one confuses people. To me, he doesn't count as a person. People are scary, he's not, he's more than a person to me. The two of us being physically in the same room, him working on what he wants to, me work on what I want to do (*cough*posting-on-wrong-planet*cough*), feels like a very positive version of solitude to me.

As a whole, I get lonely. I want social contact, but I want it controlled. Contact with him doesn't need to be controlled - we live together even. There are times I want to explicitly be doing my own things, but with him I don't need to be physically alone.

I want time with only him, I want time not dealing with people, and I want time with people. The problem is that I want time where I actually feel involved, not separate and watching them, and want to actually feel like I matter to them. These make it such that I'm often lonelier in a group than I am physically alone.

what if your soulmate were perfectly matched with you?