the pill

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I would never take a "cure". If someone showed up on my doorstep demaning I take their cure, I'd pop a cap in their ass.

Just think of the side effects.
Is it a one time dose that immediately fixes you or something you take everyday a few times a day and overtime you begin to see results? The longer you take something the worse the side effects will be.

It's also completely impossible for a pill to change that much about you. SSRI's do an alright job to take away the reluctance of change and obsessive interests, not to mention anxiety and depression - but they wear off.

As much as I hate my sensory issues, meltdowns, ADHD symptoms, temporal lobe epilepsy, oppositional behaviour, inertia, being unemployed and living at home still and social awkwardness - I do like my curiosity and having many hours of freedom to do as I wish, especially when it comes to my creative writing obsession.

Actually it does a bit more than lessen anxiety and depression. It makes you less obsessive so special interests virtually disappear. It makes you more able to cope with change. It takes away stress so stimming hardly happens.
Now maybe I just have a special brain that anti-depressents work differently on but my symptoms had eased so much I didn't feel the need to come back here or call myself autistic. That's kind of the way I am. Nevermind this 'autism for life' mentally most people have. If I don't experience enough symptoms then I ain't got it no more.
Before you say 'then you probably never really had autism to begin with' - come on, it's me.

The anti-depressants don't fix everything though. I don't remember having much curiosity because I don't remember much about when I was on them. So, they took away my curiosity and creativity as well as obsessions which I did not like once I came off them. It took about 6 months for all that to return. They actually made my sensory issues worse permanently. And as for social skills, well, Ritalin helped more in that department then they ever did. I still had to drink alcohol (most foolishly) while taking the my medication to have anything to say. Or maybe I just liked the high.

No. I don't think curing autism would make me any better of a person. Even if I struggle because of it, life is a content struggle anyways.

I'd take a half dose, that way I only halfway bridge the difference.

No, no; I know that. It is through the dramatic reduction of anxiety that I have more psychological capacity to commit to conversation, and need perform less anxiety-reducing activities (such as pursuing special interests and the like). Sorry about the lack of definition as to what the drug itself does, it is more of an indirect effect.

Blimey, I've never known so many people who love such a cruel condition. I wonder why I'm an Aspie who absolutely loathes having AS?

I'm not saying NTs have a better life than me. I'm just saying that they have more chance to do more things with other people, and being able to get along with my peers, and going to parties. Let's face it - all NTs at least give parties a try when they're in their 20s. I think my auntie is borderline Aspie, but even she tarted herself up when she was 21 and went out to pubs and had different boyfriends. But someone like me with true AS is just not built for all that. It's no good me going to a party, feeling shy and disorientated by all the noise and people, and feeling bored and just wanting to go home. (I don't like drinking alcohol either). But I just wish I was someone who didn't feel like that when doing normal stuff most 21-year-olds do.

It's just so hard to live in a world that's built by NTs and for NTs.

But I don't want to go to parties and pubs. Even if I wasn't an aspie I'd be an academic-minded introvert. I don't see the point in doing normal 21-year-old stuff. I'd rather be happy than try to force myself to fit in. Fitting in isn't necessarily a positive thing to me.

I really don't understand why you want to go to a party in the first place. It's the "normal" thing to do, but since when was normal the most enjoyable or best thing to do.

I just feel I am missing out. I know not all 21-year-olds go out to clubs and pubs, but the majority do. I've been looking through Facebook on some of my cousin's Facebook pictures, and they all have pictures of them at a party, with those purple and blue lights in the background and looking like a social place to have fun, and a wave of envy came over me. I've been to a party before and I didn't like it, but that's only because of my social phobia/social difficulties and the fact that I couldn't hear myself talk or think because of the music, and everyone around me were getting rowdy and too much for me. But if I didn't have sensitive ears, or social phobia, I would go to parties every week-end. Instead, I sit in my room on my computer writing stories about me being a sociable person, going out to clubs right now.

Ode to be NT.

No way, not a chance. I would never want to be weak to being guilted into doing things and think that feelings are more important than facts.
I've made so many people cry from telling them the truth, but it was for their own good and they benefit from it.
People look up to me and ask me for my advice all the time because of it.
I would never want to lose those great qualities.

That's where the difference lies - you're envious of people doing normal things. I view things like parties of a waste of time as well as something I can't enjoy. You'd find it easier to be normal, because then you'd fit in with the world better. I have no interest in being normal, because fitting in isn't what's important to me.

I wonder whether you're one of the extroverted aspies.

I would totally take it. I take meds now for my bipolar and anxiety. I take meds when I have a headache. Id take meds to cure my autism for sure. Although I am not sure I really have it. I have a diagnosis and I disagree. I think my problems are all psychiatric myself. Id take meds to make me lose weight. Love modern medicine!

Anyone seen 'Harrison Bergeron'? In the world of that fim, everyone has to be the same. People are given headsets to prevent them thinking as individuals. If I took that pill, I'm sure I'd suddenly feel like I was wearing one of those. I like being an individual, even if I sometimes seem strange. Yes, I have sensory issues which can be annoying and I only have one close friend and a few acquaintances. But, I'm happy with that. I'm pretty certain my paintings wouldn't be the same if I was NT, in fact I doubt that I would have ever painted at all as they would have been so ordinary. It also enables me to be more accepting of my daughter, although in a world with pills to eliminate AS, she would be offered one as well. That would be unthinkable. For her, I would like to reduce the chance of her being bullied, improve her concentration skills, make her a little more accommodating to other people and a few other things. Other than that, she's quite brilliant.

Yes, that's the word I've been trying to look for.