Outspoken Aspergian: Is it possible?

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I spent most of my life being an outspoken Aspie (although I was only diagnosed as an adult).

I grew up on a pretty poor council estate in a rough part of England. I had to learn how to fight and defend myself from a young age.

I was basically an alpha male Aspie. I had no idea how to solve conflicts so would do it through intimidation and using my fists. I would disagree with my teacher's and engage in 'one sided verbosity' with anyone who I thought would listen -- and I assumed everyone was 100% interested in what I had to say 100% of the time. I sincerely believed I was always right and I would debate anybody who disagreed into submission.

It was only in my late teens/twenties that I started to learn some diplomacy and humility and consideration for others, and with that I gradually became much more gentle, timid, reserved, etc. Though if it's something I'm really interested I can still become very passionate and outspoken.

So yeah, Aspie's can be extremely outspoken. Being dominant is a very easy approach to living with AS, because you force others to adjust to you rather than the other way round -- as soon as you stop doing that you realize how different you are and how difficult it is to be like them. That's when Pandora's box opens. Most of my social problems would disappear if I would go back to being my old dominant self, but it's too late for that -- my eyes have opened and I realize now that the world is a richer place when others are valued and have an equal place.

...and by contrast, I'm pretty much the opposite of oceandrop in that my natural tendencies and behaviours as a young child earned me the sort attention from my peers (as opposed to adults) that I loathed, so I grew up with a nice big helping of social anxiety and stress of trying to avoid that behaviour (though probably making myself appear just as weird, except through social awkwardness instead), along with being generally delayed in social development. I'm now realising that in the adult world there is generally much less need for schoolyard defences and so I am giving myself more permission to be myself, which is a relief. I'll always be an introvert, though.

Because it's such a common comorbidity, it's the social anxiety disorder traits--not the Asperger's traits--that are the most immediately apparent. The social anxiety tends to "cover up" the Asperger's. In situations where the anxiety decreases--familiar situations, good friends--the actual AS traits are more obvious.

It's hardly anybody that has Asperger's alone, and nothing else. It's always Asperger's-plus-something else. Sure, you can talk about what an NT would see if they talked to a person with Asperger's and only Asperger's; but that hardly ever happens. It's AS+ADHD, AS+Depression, AS+OCD, AS+Tourette's, AS+anxiety... And some of those are just more obvious than the AS. Social anxiety disorder and related disorders are quite obvious and contribute more than AS to the overall impression you make.

Last edited by Callista on 08 Sep 2011, 2:48 am, edited 1 time in total.

While it may be true that this is true for most people, I have never knowingly interacted with someone who associates introversion with anxiety. It's always been 'gets energy from solitude rather than from people' or sometimes 'prefers small groups over large groups'.

Outspoke aspies can definitely exist. They're not the stereotype, as the stereotype is both a socially anxious and introverted aspie, but both introverted and extroverted aspies exist, as well as those of us both with and without social anxiety.

Introversion/extroversion is more the amount or preferred amount of social activity. You could be an introvert who is noisy, not anxious, even cocky around other people when they are around other people, but isn't around other people that much. In fact I have a friend I know who is just like that. You could also be spending all your time socializing and still be quiet, anxious, etc. I rather be the former than the latter. It sounds like the former is more in control everytime they socialize while the latter would be easily-controlled because it's obvious they aren't socially confident but desperately require social attention.

Personally I find it's easier for me and more psychologically healthy(otherwise I start thinking in circles trying to analyze what exactly it means) to just think of my desires and preferences and personality characteristics as what they actually are in their essence instead of as words. I'm certainly not thinking "What is my introvert/extravert quota and should I introvert/extravert right now?" when I make everyday decisions about what to do, and I doubt anybody does even in a subconscious way, each choice is assessed by its own merits introvert/extravert just indicates on average whether this choice involves people or not, that doesn't mean "people" is a direct part of the consideration process, a person may make their choices based on something related to it or inversely related. I consider myself socially neutral. I know some very fun people, even some people I wouldn't mind spending a very long time with, but there's plenty of activities that don't involve people that are just as interesting. I like people, but it's not because they are people. If I woke up and everyone in the world was gone I'd be upset and miss some of the people I know at first but I'd quickly get over it and start enjoying all the fun stuff I'd be able to do with nobody around(I've actually fantasized about this scenario). I actually used to think I really badly needed people then I allowed myself to break the taboos(why did I ever choose to adopt them?(and looking back I remember the thought processes)) about things that are supposedly supposed to be social activities(drinking) and allowed myself to do them even if I was alone(but still with caution and moderation).

"Given the colloquial"-I can see what you mean. If someone is noisy people aren't going to think "introvert" even if by technical definitions the person would be one. But why not be concerned with the inner life. That's what actually matters.

I'm actually awful quiet, anxiety, not very outspoken but I can tell that I'd ultimately only be truly happy being calm and more outspoken. I actually get more anxious whenever people bring up my stress or anxiety, because I'm afraid that their expectations will influence me to keep being anxious, because that's what social science says happens when someone sees you a certain way and expresses it to you. But I'm starting to shake that fear, because I've discovered that since my brain doesn't filter anything out, this essentially means I do not have an unconscious mind(the inaccessible part of the psyche), just a conscious and a subconscious that it moves around in so if I just make a mental note not to internalize their observation that's helping.

"Anxiety" is not of colloquial use in my language, but almost all people that I know equate "introversion" with "shyness" (there are many times where I have to explain "I am not shy, I am disconnected").