Most people seem more literal than me

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Actually I am perfectly capable of deciphering metaphors and other turns of speech that distort the literal meaning, but I admit being much better at written speech than in spoken speech. I do remember that when I was young, I was clearly unable to tell whether people were joking with me or offending me directly. I still may exhibit this deficit though on rare occasions.

I am positive that my ability to recognise non-literal meaning stems from literature than from real-life experience. That's why I still find myself at a loss in a real conversation sometimes, if I haven't met that particular turn of speech in books so I could infer the meaning from context. Considering that I mostly read classics...well, you can imagine. I read situations involving people aged about 45 or older well while frankly avoiding conversations with younger people as I don't have a clue what they are talking about unless it is specifically about literature, science or medicine. I have the impression that most NT youngsters speak in short, emotionally-laden, mutilated phrases that don't provide enough subject information for me so as to grasp the general meaning or is simply not interesting enough for me.

When I was younger I made literal jokes all the time. I eventually realized nobody thought they were funny and stopped.

In writing, I am able to understand and use figurative language, but in speech, I always use literal language and take the language of others literally. So I am much more literal than most people. The times when I don't take speech literally are when the figurative language is so figurative that I have no idea what it could possibly be referring to.

Also, the figurative language that I use while writing fiction tends to be so odd that readers will take it literally or have to really think about the meanings to understand them. Perhaps they also don't know what I could possibly be referring to.

I find myself using metaphors quite a lot e.g. face like thunder. Actually it is easier than describing myself which would end up quite complicated. I spent several sentences trying to explain when actually someone would understand from 3 words. I have learnt a lot from experience.
There are some I struggle with e.g. it's close (the weather is muggy) and when people say how are you every time I go to tell them rather than seeing it as a greeting.
I tend to make people smile a lot e.g. it was someone's birthday and I pointed out that they were old as the people in the pub were getting younger which was literal as there were some young children and it is like the expression that you feel old when the police starting looking younger. I did wonder if I had been too insensitive in saying he was old and had to ask my husband. Sometimes when what I say is blunt it can make it funnier but I worry I have gone too far after I have said it.
I also mishear things and when I repeat that back it is quite funny e.g. I heard man with notepad as man with no pants. I know it is wrong as it is out of context and that makes it funny. My brain stops and realises it is wrong and they must have said something else.

Necro thread but have to chip in. At this moment in time I have no problems with literalism that I know of, and a brief examination of my facebook messages shows me that I tend to use them quite a bit "I just cant take Kim Jong Il seriously he looks like a warmongering tellytubby, he clearly needs a bellyrub with a glass of milk topped off with a bedtime story" extended metaphors etc.

However I remember not so long ago that I had no concept of "banter" .... at all to the point where I would bristle and rail at people I thought were "taking the piss" when they were in fact just horsing around. Then there was the time I thought that my hallmates were into incest because one of them said "incest is actually quite nice". Course they were joking but it took me a long time to understand and start using this form of humour. I overcompensate sometimes however - the other day my landlord said he'd charge me 30 for a visit to my house... assumed he was joking he wasnt and stated it. I was uneasy but didnt want to come across as clueless and so on and so forth you know the rest.