Aspergers/High Functioning Autism and Paranoia, A LOT of it

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I think also sometimes it's extremely hard for someone to accept that most the time the simpliest explanation is the true one. For some there just HAS to be something more to it and they go through every other possibility.... the negative ones... because they focus more on the negative anyway.

I know from my own personal experience that I may, on quite a regular basis, have a restless discomfort in my head caused by paranoia. For example, someone close to me may say something or do something so simple and I'll battle with my rational and irrational sides. I do this because people close to me before have really screwed my trust up, perhaps on many occasions. I try so, so hard to think that not everyone is like the person who hurt me because it's true. I could even really trust someone and KNOW they're not like that individual, but still go through little paranoid thoughts. Normally I have to sit down, think through it, conclude I'm crazy to think it and move on.

I think you're also more prone to be paranoid if you've had suspicions before about something or someone and they've been proven right. You start to trust your paranoia as actually being credible. This will make you assign these negative aspects to other people or things.

Overall, from my experience at least, it really doesn't help if you're the over-thinking sort of person. A compulsive thinker, if you like. I think people need to accept sometimes something IS what it appears and there's nothing more to it. Nothing malicious and deceiving hiding from you.

Well I just smoked some weed so I'm paranoid out of my mind right now...usually I'm pretty cool but I am very suspicious of others most of the time. I usually assume the worst of people because of my treatment by them over the years. And being black makes me even more paranoid because then I assume white people are racist, and I question everyone's "true" intentions. I hate it because I have a hard time making friends and being normal in social situations. It's really sad when I see NT friends just socializing with others like it's nothing special while I'm struggling to carry on a conversation. There are times when I can hold them but only if I'm super duper happy about something. So yeah, it f*****g sucks. All I really want now is meds to make me feel somewhat better about everything. Lord knows I would give up being as smart as I am any day just to be able to hang with people and be apart of the group...whatever drugs they have I will willingly take.

I am quite a bit on the paranoid side, and it does suck......I hate thinking people must have an issue with me when they probably don't it tends to make me take things personally and get way carried away with it. uhh so annoying, but whatever. I just try not to let it get to me too much otherwise I'd be afraid to even go anywhere there might be any other people.

I get truly paranoid a lot, but I think it also comes from anxiety too. I worry that people are out to get me. Also, I always think that I'm not meant to have friends, that God put me on this Earth to live in solitary, and that having friends is just not meant to be. I think this because nearly every friend I've ever had, something has comes along to ruin the friendship, and no, it's not always because of my crappy social skills (for once I'm not blaming myself for it), I'm now convinced that it's fate. Either my friend moves far away and I lose touch, or some meddling busybody comes along to ruin the friendship (not intentionally but not unintentionally, if you know what I mean), or they get a full-time job or have kids or get married and just automatically loses touch with me after a while (happens to a lot of people but seems to happen to me a lot because I'm just unlucky). Then when I do have a good friend, fate gets angry and has to think of a way to stop the friendship.

It does worry me. Right now I'm friendly with my bus-driver, and we often have a quick chat while he's having a fag, and I always sit down while he's driving, except for when there's no seats left and I got to stand up, but it's quite normal to be tempted to talk to someone you have a crush on when you're standing near. But each time we have a few words, I always start worrying that somebody might report him for speaking to a young girl, although there is no harm in it. I know they might have good intentions of doing it, but personally I don't want them to. The other passengers don't know him, there could be a million reasons why he talks to me, and there is no sexual body language or anything else that might offend other people, and I just wish people stopped interferring and just minded their own business, unless something bad DOES come of it. That makes me feel very paranoid.

Along with tons of other things.

I constantly feel watched, judged, and talked about.

Also, at my volunteer job, when the manager gets me to do a different task in a different part of the shop, I always worry that people there might not like me any more and so might not want me to be working with them so they become sly with me and put me somewhere else. Or I worry that I might be useless in one department so they put me somewhere else to see if I could do that better. But I have to keep telling myself that it's nothing personal, there is just other work that needs to be done so they kindly ask me to do it, probably because I'm a good, self-sufficiant worker. That probably sounds more realistic.

Also, I always think people are playing about with my mind, or just mucking me about and not considering my feelings. I know this happens a lot to gullible people. Like I remember once at school a girl who wasn't that friendly with me suddenly wanted to come to my house for dinner after school one day. I was happy to have a friend want to spend time with me, so I arranged it with my mum and she cooked a nice dinner. But the next day, this girl fell out with me over something stupid, and didn't speak to me for about a week, then we made up again. But even to this day I still wonder if she just wanted to come to my house just so she could judge me on the things I had, just so she could laugh about me to other people in school.

But (I think I'm the only Aspie who thinks this), but I find people are weird. I don't mean it in a nasty way and I don't mean it personally either, but even my mum says people act weird to her sometimes, and she's NT. Sometimes you think people are your friends and then they're not. Or you find you're doing all the running and the arranging when you do meet friends. Or people just turn for no reason, and you spend the rest of your life wondering what the hell you've done or said. I just find a lot of people come and go. People add you on Facebook and send a few friendly messages and you reply back a few times, then they don't ever acknowledge you on Facebook any more, and you feel too awkward to message them again. Or people start building up a good friendship with you then they leave or move far away and you don't ever see them again. Or you get new neighbours move into the neighbourhood and they don't ever speak to you, even when you say hello (happens a lot to a lot of people these days). My mum believes that you shouldn't get too overfriendly with neighbours these days, just do the odd small talk and not tell them all your personal business. I find people are too competitive these days. People like me, my mum, and a few others in our family can't always be arsed with compitition. They say compitition can tear people apart.
So I'm not surprised that Aspies have it worse with paranoia.

I suffer from paranoia if you want to call it that. Mainly from the government and other things which I won't get into here. I am vigilant. I keep watching out for any spies. Just remember it is because how strong the economy is. My brother I love so much. My sweet brother. I have a bird who calms me down. I love him as well. I call him my therapy bird and its because he is cute. I have been taking emergency anti anxiety pills but they work kinda sorta. They slow my heart rate down and for a few hours I don't get a panic attack from the paranoia if that is what you would like to call it. The thing is that I truly believe these things so by the definition of paranoia it means its more of a delusion rather than reality. I am a realist and so is my grandpa. We are team keeping it real. Yes we are both negative about everything but we are usually right. I seem to know everything in the world since there is imminent world peace. I learned something from my dad. There is a basketball player named "World Peace." I don't know how he got that name. I don't care about sports. I hate it when it is the top story on the news. I was just in a car accident but thankfully it was minor. I am still alive. Unless its my ghost that is typing this right now. There are reasons why the gov should be after me its because of my psychic powers. My psychic powers influence actual events that resulted in many, many deaths. I am indirectly responsible for it. It wasn't just me but I am responsible for most of it. Same with planets. I won't get into that here. Arm movement initiated. As someone I know in the past would say, "Everything's great!" but that is not true. Everything is NOT great. I am scared. At least I have 3 good friends to talk to about things. They are also crazy like me. When I am having severe paranoia I get severe panic attacks in which I can't breathe and I almost faint and also my heart rate and pulse spikes to dangerous levels. Once when I was under a lot of stress and I was seeing things and hearing things, my heart rate was 145 resting and my blood pressure was 175/100 and that is with blood pressure medicine! My so called psychosis actually has physical effects on my body. My muscles also gets incredibly tight and I can barely move around comfortably. Right now I am depressed and hopeless. So that is all from me.

This was actually a summation of me from one of my friends!:

"High-Strung, Paranoid, and vicious!"

It was half true in college. I had had a lot of bad experiences with people, been bullied, outcast etc.
It is/was the "Poor Theory of Mind" all over the place. I created some of my own worst enemies.

Sincerely,
Matthew

PS


Of course, once I poked my nose into the Roswell 1947 business & Area 51, I became accquainted with *TRUE* Paranoia! Believe me, it is OUT THERE..! !

Matt

I feel paranoid and I am pretty sure it's my autism that is the reason I am, I posted a comment on Google plus with a post warning about pro animal abuse and all that, and I commented "I am into animals of the anthromorphic kind but I don't want to get a pet in my adult life intell I am sure I am psychologically healthy" all I remember I text, I am only 16 and sorry if this is unrelated to the form but I feel like it might be, I want to know if others had a similar or same experience.

I really need psychiatry.

I really can't tell if some of you are joking ...
From my perspective, two areas of input -
1. A lot of us have been brought up to be SO conscious of "acting normal" and not doing anything weird, self regulating and watching every mannerism, gesture and phrase that by your twenties, it gets to critical mass. I have troubles with being so paranoid in a self-conscious way that I can't focus on anything else, I'm too busy over-managing myself.
2. The old adage "it's not paranoia if they're really watching you" comes to mind. When I lived with my family I was extremely paranoid about them, convinced they were going through my mail, going through my belongings, watching me and recording what I was doing, going through my garbage, tracking my toll tickets, listening to my phonecalls, following me, calling other relatives to spy on/check up on me behind my back, you get the idea. Until I realised that my mother DID all those things. Her reason for this was apparently that I am "extremely secretive and withholding" and the only way she could know anything about what was going on in my life was to resort to this kind of spying. She also knows I'm autistic and thus life was more difficult for me, and she was trying to make sure I wasn't getting myself into trouble, even though in many ways I am more capable than she is herself. Ironically this just makes me secretive/withholding AND hugely paranoid. Within the realms of plausible reason, maybe some of us have every right to be paranoid.

Myself I don't try to act normal, if I am weird and odd then I am going to act weird and odd.

I do feel it's logical for people of high ranking law to monitor your online activities and all that, I am going to stay off of Google plug for a while.

For me it is an overreaction or overcompensation for being naive and taken advantage of.

I think it's related to two things.
1) Constant misunderstandings. I mean no harm to anybody yet they get angry with me and I have no clue whatsoever as to why. People never say why. One minute you are friends, the next you are not. When this happens again and again year after year you start to get a bit edgy and expect things to go wrong just to protect yourself from getting hurt.

2) Aspies get harassed and bullied a lot more than other people. It is a very real lived experience of getting relentlessly bullied and you develop impenetrable walls that you need to maintain constantly. You are always on the lookout for the next threat that might get through those walls.