Do you feel bad when you realize you might have offended?

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Yes I feel terrible about hurting people's feelings. I have to really resent somebody chronically before I can be indifferent to upsetting them. As for people I value, I worry about the slightest risk of making them feel unloved. I think it comes from a poor understanding of their state of mind (hardly surprising) and poor confidence in my social skills. I don't know what they're feeling about me, I know my social skills have some shortcomings, so naturally I get nervous about the results of my social interactions. There's a lot at stake - whether or not I'm going to be lonely depends on how well I do socially. Accidentally pissing off my friends isn't going to help at all.

There could be upbringing issues in the mix as well as autism. Mum used to express her disappointment at the social ineptitude of Dad, myselfand my sister very clearly.....there was a lot of judgement handed out for being thoughtless or uncaring. I suppose it taught me that no matter how hard I tired, I would fail to please people emotionally, and that it was still somehow all my fault for not giving a damn.

I think most of us are well acquainted with this issue. When you see, by observation, that all people around you manage to socialize better than you, and you know you aren't unintelligent, it's inevitable that sooner or later you're beginning to think you miss stuff because you don't try hard enough, or you are simply lazy and uncaring. Then you try to make up for your shortcomings by showing a better attitude towards anyone. The thing is, you have to realize not everyone deserves it. You must learn how to distinguish them. Hard lesson, very hard...

Recognising when the other person crosses the line and it's OK to push back even if it does hurt them, I find almost impossible. I'm forever astonished that not everybody is perfect. I used to think it was a matter of deciding where I draw my own lines, and then taking the responsibility to police them myself, but without knowing how my lines compare with society's lines, it's hard to draw much with any confidence.

I will think about what I said, and if I realise what I said was unreasonable, or could reasonably hurt someone, I feel bad. if feeling hurt could only be an unreasonable reaction, no.

I don't normally accidentally offend people. It's odd things is what I tend to come out with. Offensive things are easier to prevent. Well, usually I don't think of offensive things anyway, but sometimes I do.

But the other day I told my friend that I really hated her cousin, but I had forgot that she was her cousin for that precise moment. But I only said it because her cousin is a very horrible girl who always giggles at me every time I walk past, and I've been told that if I ever stood up for myself to her, I would get a punch in the face by her. That's how she works - she takes the piss out of people, but if they retaliate she would fight, and I mean fight. And so that is why I really hate her and couldn't help saying.

I do feel bad if I have hurt someone unintentionally and will normally approach them directly and try to sort it out by apologising and trying to explain why I said whatever I said as it's usually a misunderstanding anyway. Sometimes though if they completely refuse to accept any kind of apology or explanation I can get quite annoyed and leave them to it in the end.

If someone is not hurt, but merely offended, I am less concerned, unless it is someone I am really close to. I don't set out to be offensive, but there are bound to be people who have different opinions from mine, so we will offend each other from time to time. We just have to get over it I think.

This.

This.

Sad but not sorry. I don't do things with the intention of hurting people so if it happens it's usually unintentional. I do worry about it though.

Assuming it's unintentional:

I used to feel really bad about it, but it seems kind of inevitable and happens frequently and it was wearing on me so I don't feel bad about it anymore. I will try to clarify or apologize if they feel offended, though.

Oh Jesus, there have been instances when I unintentionally offend and piss people off by saying certain things, no matter how harmless it may seem to be. When people criticize me for unintentionally offending them, I feel confused, angry, and hurt. I mean I don't know what the f*** I should say and avoid saying in every damn social conversation. I know not to say racial and homosexual slurs and derogatory terms, not to insult people based on their physical characteristics, and not to ask if girls are pregnant. But those socially-perfect NT people have to take every harmless phrase and question that I say and ask very f***ing seriously.

I do feel bad when I unintentionally offend someone. If I've unknowingly said something offensive I generally want to know about it so I can avoid saying it again. At heart I really want to be a nice person, I guess...