"Coming Out" with your silent disability

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I've told one or two select people e.g. closer friends and family. The psychologist I am seeing is encouraging me to disclose things to make my life easier e.g. to explain why I am acting strangely and feel the need to leave early or go away and recover for a while.

10 years ago, Asperger's Syndrome was a foreign term that people scratched their heads at...now it's become something nearly equivalent to homosexuality where coming out has severe consequences. Seriously, if ever a sign that we've gone backwards as a society existed, this is it.

I haven't told everyone I know about my disability, but it's not a secret. I'm actually pretty open about it. I have nothing to be ashamed of.

I've never told anyone. I have considered telling a select few people, as it would help to explain my social difficulties, but as many others have said once people know it can have potential ramifications, and you can't exactly un-tell people once they know lol. Its an extremely personal issue for me, so it isn't exactly something I'd throw out in the open for everyone to see....although in a roundabout way I guess we all do exactly that on this forum lol.

I would rather people just think I'm a jerk, than think I'm mentally deficient... I have a higher IQ than most and it would be insufferable for the rednecks in this jerkwater town to condescend to me... that ain't PC, but there it is. That's how I feel about it.

I'm sure my friends know something's up. They've known me for years, and they've always thought of me as unusual. But it's an unusual bunch, so nobody minds. They like me, and they seem to think I'm pretty cool. Lately, because of my situation of having difficulty getting assessed properly, I've been behaving less smoothly. I've been touchier, more moody, less able to endure things I find hard to deal with, and more edgy. I'm not sure what they think, but they do seem to know something's going on. I haven't wanted to tell them anything until I got a solid diagnosis, but I may not be able to wait that long. I'm starting to need more moral support, and I think they would give it. Besides, I hate the closet in general, and I also hate not being able to explain why I'm struggling so hard to cope with life right now.

Last week, I spilled to the lady cutting my hair. I kinda couldn't help it by then. I was having an awful day, and I was feeling worse and worse as time went on. But when I told her, she was awesome! I blogged about it, so the story is there. Anyway, I found new hope from that experience.

I don't think I'll want to talk about it a lot when I come out, but I think I want my friends to know what's going on. They trust me with their stuff, and I won't be the only Aspie they know. I'd hate to think of how they'd feel if anything ever happened to me and they later found out that I'd spent my whole life never trusting them the way they had trusted me. So, in my case, I think it's a question of when and how, not if.

I mentioned this in another thread recently, so I apologize for duplication. It is certainly large in my mind right now! I am working with my therapist on a script for "coming out" at work currently. I think it will be difficult, but important for the school community. I am thinking of the kids who need an adult role model and the teachers/admin who need an adult that can speak in first person. I am already an openly add teacher, so in some ways feel as if I am just adding paprika or something to the mix. My immediate colleagues will smirk and give me a hard time, but I think the community at large will respect me. But really, it is for the kids.

It is good to read about everyone's opinions and why too.

It took me a long time before I decided to 'come out' about being on the spectrum. I don't know what reaction I expected - understanding or reasonable adjustment at work, maybe - but nothing's changed.

That's why I wish people would become educated about autism instead of acting like f**king idiots and telling us to stop using "a bulls**t condition" to excuse why we do things the way we do. Of course, the majority of people don't care what autism is, so they'll think what they will.

I had planned on never telling anyone, as I had not been diagnosed. Wouldn't do anything to help me, especially since I've "made do" for over 40 years now. I'd made comments on my suspicions for about a year now - testing the waters with some folks without really saying "I'm an Aspie". However, now that I'm actively pursuing a diagnosis, it's a different story.

My first of three appointments for diagnosis will be a few days after Christmas. When seeing my parents this weekend, I plan on telling them I'm pursuing the diagnosis, and taking all the time they need to understand Aspergers and why I need to know. I'm certain they would be angry with me for waiting to tell them, as they want to be there for me should I need emotional support. Maybe a few other friends will be told as I'm pursing diagnosis - not planning on anyone in particular.

If, and only if, I'm officially diagnosed, I won't care who knows. I'll announce it on Facebook and Twitter even, mainly to let people know why I do some things that seem strange to them. I will likely have to have a talk with my bosses as well, so they can understand I don't expect anything more from them other than some understanding.

I'm to a point in my life where I will be what I am, warts and all. If anyone doesn't understand, I'll help them - if they don't want to understand, I'll remove them from my life. I'm tired of trying to be something I'm not simply because that's what is excepted of me. But there's a smart way to do it, and I'm going to make sure to keep to that method.

I don't shout about it, but I don't keep it a secret either. If someone asks if I have Asperger's (which has happened more than you'd expect), I'll say yes. If it comes up in a conversation, I may mention I have it. I don't really get the big deal.

I'd rather not..

I don't have any particular need to come out to just anyone. I tell some people about at least the ADHD (if that's what it is) if necessary so they know to make sure things are written down for me. Otherwise, why should they know or care? If I heard someone say something that needed to be corrected that would be another story. I have no need to keep it a deep dark secret either.

Just for reference, I have a couple of invisible disabilities.

I am openly, flamboyantly autistic to everyone I meet!
It scares off the close-minded people I would not want hanging around in the first place and attracts the ones who love me for it

The only people I have told are my GF, my boss and a few co-workers. I haven't told my family, mainly because I am an athiest genius in a family of very religious people who are constantly trying to justify to themselves how I could be intelligent yet athiest, so I think they would jump all over my Aspie status and think of me more like Rain Man than an intelligent person of differing opinion than theirs.

I've told a lot of people lately, but I think that has a lot to do with the fact that most of the other things people have assumed were going on with me were just as stigmatized or even more, so I might as well be accurate. It's been nice to be able to explain my perspective to various people; I've sometimes been surprised by who has "gotten it". It's also felt good to be able to educate people and so maybe do my part to make public perception better. But I realize that it's probably not a good idea for everybody to do and I don't hold it against anybody who doesn't.

I'm really happy when somebody else is out though so I sort of encourage anybody who is feeling confident and brave to do so. I think it really does help, but it's too much to demand of everybody.