Contradictions In the Aspie Personality

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I want to be true to myself, but I also worry about what others think of me and want them to like me.

I get irritated when people talk down to me like I have an intellectual disability, but I also get irritated when people tell me that I need to act my age.

I feel bad if I enjoy something that's popular (namely being afraid that I'll be accused of jumping on a bandwagon, or that I'll never become as good of a fan as others before me), but I also get upset when something I enjoy gets criticized or I think it is underrated and I feel like no one else is as passionate about it as I am.

I can't stand cold but I like my cold apartment

I can't stand summer heat but I like heat when it's cold outside

I take things literal but I don't take other things literal

I use blankets to stay warm but I won't use the heater or turn it up

I once used a blanket but wouldn't close the window

I like being alone but then sometimes I wish I had someone to do things with

I like being with my family but I keep doing my own thing around them and have no desire to socialize unless it's something I like talking about

I like doing spontaneous things but when it comes at the spur of the moment, it's usually too much for me to do it

I want to make schedules in my head to keep me in line but I won't do it, it feels too much for me to even plan

I don't like my apartment being disheveled but yet I won't do something about it until eventually

I wasn't fit for a relationship but I still wanted one but yet I didn't want one

I want to move on but yet I can't because of my obsessive thoughts going through my head

I have my obsessions but yet I won't spend time with them because I am too distracted by forums I go to

I want to get off the computer and do other things but I yet I won't get off it.

I don't want to stay up until 4ish in the morning but I won't go to sleep sooner because I am too absorbed in what I am doing

I had an easier time making friends as a child but now I don't know how nor know what to do with them

I was able to talk to other grown ups as a kid, any grown up, but now it's hard for me too

I want to talk about my obsessions but I can't and I feel too uneasy

I also don't feel sad when people die in real life (I don't think I ever had) but yet I feel sad when movie characters die and I have cried during movies too

I like to go swimming but I won't go swimming

I am very concrete as I have been told but yet I seem to think in abstract concepts other ASDs seem to have troubles with but yet I struggled in school because the work was too abstract for me

I can't stand the sound of snoring but I can go to sleep with music on or TV but yet I like sound of my baby's snoring

I don't like to be touched unless I want to be such as I don't like to be hugged or cuddled but yet I do when I am cold and want to be warm

I have a hard time with writing reports but yet I can write stories

I hate animal killing but I eat meat and fish and hotdogs

I take things literal but I get annoyed when others do

Some pain really bothers me but some doesn't bother me

Sometimes my clothes feel uncomfortable on me and they are cotton but yet other times they feel fine on me

I hated tight clothing as a kid but I liked wearing stretch pants

I hate other peoples messes but I don't mind my own

I hate talking on the phone but yet I didn't mind talking to my parents on the phone nor to my last ex and I sometimes let my own online friends call me



Lot of people find me confusing and I used to confuse my shrink all the time because I say one thing and then another. One of them was I wanted to be more mature by working on my social skills and then I wouldn't make the effort to do it. He then figured out part of me wants it and part of me doesn't. I have been called out on my "BS" and I have gotten accused of contradictions online because they can't seem to read my posts right or I can't seem to communicate right. I don't see any contradictions and they do. I used to think my shrink was an idiot for a while and then it took me until I was in my 20's to realize I am just a confusing person but because he was a shrink, it was his job to figure out how people think so he figured part of me wants this and part of me doesn't. I just swear everyone is so black and white and I mean NTs. If you read between the lines, you are capable of doing that then. Duh but that doesn't mean I won't have troubles with it. It can't be sometimes or learned?

League Girl, I really like your list I can associate with almost all of those. Yeah, in general, "normal" people seem very confused by us. I just got called out on the internet yesterday by someone who told me "You make no sense." I also can relate to wanting to do something, but not wanting to make the effort. Relationships are basically this way for me, so I've never had one.

Ehmm..

I have dreadfully sensitive skin (sometimes clothing is so itchy to me that it hurts), but I actually kind of enjoy the feeling of having a skinned knee.

I hate having cold feet but I hate wearing socks.

I'm a neat freak and a slight germaphobe, but I don't mind my dogs licking my mouth.