Adult Aspies are socially 11 years old?

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In the area of the (to me) meaningless social functions, e.g. social hierarchy, I am much younger than 11.

The answer to that question is, there is no answer. I think it's more accurate to say that people with AS have uneven socially development rather than delayed or stunted social development.

As far as TOM goes, a lifetime of conditioning gets me somewhere workable. It's like a software patch that isn't perfect and has occasional glitches but does a passing job for the most part.

I really don't know what ''socially immature'' means. Does it mean we behave like 11-year-olds when in social situations?

I do know that autism impedes emotional age (as does ADHD, for that matter), which might also have an impact.

I've often, in many ways, felt I'm more immature than my age would suggest. It's bothered me on occasion, but usually I don't really mind.

"Six can, oh so often, be expansive and out-of-bounds, contrary, violent, hard...to live with."(p. 4)
"Your typical Six-year-old is a paradoxical little person, and bipolarity is the name of the game. Whatever he does, he does the opposite just as readily. In fact, sometimes the choice of some certain object or course of action immediately triggers an overpowering need for its opposite." (p. 1, the first paragraph of the book) [Emphasis in original]
"Six's reversals are truly something to be reckoned with." (p. 2)
"I love you" rapidly changes to "I hate you." (p. 2, 6)
stubborn and can't make up mind (p. 2)
"The child is now the center of his own universe." (p. 2, 15) [Emphasis in original]
delighted by any silly thing that calls attention to himself; may do silly, show-offy things to call attention to himself when he feels neglected or shut out (pp. 71-72)
arrogant (p. 7)
self-important ("extremely aware of the importance of being Six") (p. 22)
demands rather than asks (twice on p. 6, 16)
thinks own way is always right (p. 7)
once started, will stick to a course of bad behavior or bad judgment regardless of the inevitability of being punished for it (p. 7)
asks to be flattered and praised as "good," even ("rather sadly and touchingly") following his worst behavior (p. 6)
can't accept criticism (p. 7)
feelings are hurt over very small criticisms, comments, failures (p. 6)
"He is so extremely anxious to do well, to be the best, to be loved and praised, that any failure is very hard for him." (p. 6)
wants to win every time (p. 4, 21, 45)
poor sport, can't stand to lose (p. 7, 16)
argumentative and quarrelsome (p. 21)
defiant, pert, fresh, snippy (p. 6, 17)
competitive, combative (p. 20)
belligerent, verbally and physically aggressive (p. 21)
threatens, calls names, gets physically violent (p. 21)
violent temper tantrums may require physical restraint because of striking out (p. 29)
jealous, envious (p. 7, 21)
to make sure of winning, will cheat or make up own rules (pp. 21-22, 45)
complains that others are cheating and not following the rules (p. 45)
some are very cruel to younger children (p. 22)
does not always tell the truth (p. 16)
will not admit to wrongdoing (p. 41) [Note: A technique is given for getting the facts out of kids that also works with narcissists: instead of asking if they did it, ask how they did it.]
goodness means the things explicitly required or allowed by parents or other authority figures; badness means the things explicitly disapproved of or forbidden (p. 66)
little forgiveness (p. 22)
very critical of others' conduct (p. 22)
expects friendships to be resumed immediately following tremendous complaint and conflict (p. 22)
wants to boss (p. 21)
"Many children think their father knows everything -- even what goes on at home while he is at work."(p. 16)
thinks his teacher knows the best and only right way of doing things; may not know which rules to follow when school rules differ from home rules (p. 18)
"highly undifferentiated -- everything is everywhere" (p. 7)
can't always tell the difference between "yours" and "mine," and so often steals (pp. 39-41)
"random and unconstructive expenditure of energy" (p. 31)
more interested in merely handling or using tools than in what is accomplished with them (pp. 53-54)
less interested in actual final products than in whatever he may be doing at the moment(p. 56)
"Sixes love to dress up and pretend they are somebody else...." (p. 49)

A more developed theory of mind allows you to better comprehend a social situation because you're better able to comprehend the thinking/intentions/beliefs/knowledge/etc. of the people in the social situation.

What does it mean to be socially 11?

How would I recognise the signs?

What would be the observable differences between age 11,16,21 or higher?

This ADHD notion is true. I've look up one the the many 'personality' symptoms and it is common. Is it executive related? At least partly.

I can see as one aspect ToM playing a significant role in "maturity" by way of the subsequent special interests filling the social vacuum, but why ADHD?

I don't think so. I think it's more like having the social perceptions of an 11-year old, although I don't know that this is accurate either.

I have the social perceptions of a 42-year old autistic person, myself.