"I Don't Think You Are Autistic"

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05 Nov 2011, 10:48 pm

Verdandi wrote:

swbluto wrote:

You guys take those statements way too literally. Understand the intention ("They're trying to make me feel better by making me like them") and forget about the literal meaning.

What helps me is letting me explain my difficulty, rather than generalizing it into the problems everyone else has. I'm not everyone else, and it's not reassuring to me that everyone else might have the same problem

Why do you think everybody else is interested in understanding your difficulty? People are trying to make you happier and you're simply refusing to accept their gesture of goodwill, and people will think you're trying to be difficult and you're boring them with information that isn't interesting to them. I mean, yeah, if it's critical as would be with the case of bosses, it's fine, but acquaintances and people in casual social encounters could care less.

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05 Nov 2011, 10:51 pm

swbluto wrote:

Why do you think everybody else is interested in understanding your difficulty? People are trying to make you happier and you're simply refusing to accept their gesture of goodwill by doing so, and people will look at you as if you're trying to be difficult and you're boring them with information that isn't interesting to them. I mean, yeah, if it's critical as would be with the case of bosses, it's fine, but acquaintances and people in casual social encounters could care less.

In general, I just want people to have the correct information. And I don't understand how someone trying to make me feel like them would make me feel better. That doesn't make sense to me.

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Verdandi
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05 Nov 2011, 10:54 pm

swbluto wrote:

Why do you think everybody else is interested in understanding your difficulty? People are trying to make you happier and you're simply refusing to accept their gesture of goodwill by doing so, and people will look at you as if you're trying to be difficult and you're boring them with information that isn't interesting to them. I mean, yeah, if it's critical as would be with the case of bosses, it's fine, but acquaintances and people in casual social encounters could care less.

If they don't want to understand they shouldn't attempt to pretend to be supportive. It's not like I wander up to random people and spill all this stuff. I talk to friends and my therapist about it.

When I tried to function more like you're saying I was exhausted and depressed all the time. I don't see the point of putting myself through that again just because most people don't get it.

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05 Nov 2011, 10:58 pm

I speculate that emotional reassurance of this "you're A-OK" type does not work on autistics who may prefer actual acknowledgement of their problems, followed by potential solutions to their problems.

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05 Nov 2011, 11:01 pm

btbnnyr wrote:

Thank you for stating it succintly.

Tamsin
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05 Nov 2011, 11:04 pm

Have you considered informing them of Aspergers Syndrome? They obviously don't know much about Autism, so maybe if you told them more about HFA/AS and why you think you have it they might understand more. It's easier said than done, I get that, but maybe a few people might actually agree with you.

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05 Nov 2011, 11:07 pm

btbnnyr wrote:

You are SOOOOOO different from most people -- It's like you're "the polar opposite" in this situation. Most people don't care about potential solutions when they state their problems, instead they want emotional support. If you try to "fix" their problem, they will act as if you're not being emotionally supportive which is all they're seeking.

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05 Nov 2011, 11:15 pm

Tamsin wrote:

Well, it's not really the time or place to teach them. If I am going to talk about Asperger's, I want to talk about it for a very long time and in a serious setting, not while I am at a restaurant or having a drink with my friends/co-workers.

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Tamsin
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05 Nov 2011, 11:18 pm

Kiseki wrote:

Tamsin wrote:

Okay, I'm sorry, I just thought that might help.

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05 Nov 2011, 11:26 pm

I've gotten so used to NTs NOT thinking I am on the spectrum that I'm surprised if/when they pick up on it w/o my telling them I have it.

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05 Nov 2011, 11:27 pm

Peko wrote:

I've gotten so used to NTs NOT thinking I am on the spectrum that I'm surprised if/when they pick up on it w/o my telling them I have it.

Your insults seem to be pretty NT to me.

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05 Nov 2011, 11:32 pm

swbluto wrote:

Most people don't care about potential solutions when they state their problems, instead they want emotional support. If you try to "fix" their problem, they will act as if you're not being emotionally supportive which is all they're seeking.

Unfortunately, this is very true.

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05 Nov 2011, 11:33 pm

Tamsin wrote:

Okay, I'm sorry, I just thought that might help.

No problem at all

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05 Nov 2011, 11:48 pm

League_Girl wrote:

What;s interesting is even NTs get irritated when they get that crap too and it's not about autism, it's about other stuff. Even people with other mental conditions or disabilities would hate it too like 'Everyone is a little Bipolar" or "everyone is a little OCD" and telling them "everyone has that."

omg good point.

i get it happening ("really? you are so normal. i mean *i* must be an aspie too, then"), but only from NTs. aspies who have met me in person notice my aspieness distinctly, and one aspie who knew me quite well considered me fairly lower functioning. also, 2 professionals who have worked extensively with aspies could tell.

so for people in the know, i am noticeable, but for laymen or inexperienced NTs i am somewhat camouflaged.

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hyperlexian
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06 Nov 2011, 12:13 am

oh, and what i tell poeple when they say i seem normal is "thank you" because it means my camouflage is working and that i am passing as NT. i am open about my diagnosis, but i have also built a life around trying to be as functional as i can be in society. and thanking someone leaves no room for argument. the truth of how my brain functions is nothing i need to argue about.

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06 Nov 2011, 12:43 am

No, people who know me pretty well know I'm autistic and don't question it. I never bring it up, though.

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