The "aspie stare" - solutions?

Post Reply New Topic

When people are talking to you - look in their general direction. Try to hit occassional eye contact.

When you are talking to them, look somewhere else. This is quite easy with customers because you can direct their attention to a project, paperwork - something else. In personal conversations, looking at your own hands or off into the distance kind of makes you look thoughtful - or wistful - or 'add your favorite NT interpretation here'.

As long as you look at them when YOU talk - you're good. Not breaking eye contact ever is like being stared down by a hungry wolf - or tiger. It makes them nervous. Follow that analogy through to whatever ends you like...

I do something similar to this. I also talk with my hands a lot, so i end up catching their eye attention to my hands n not my face,this gives me the ability to give nessessary eye conatct at them without making it feel like staring or being caught in their gaze. Also instead of eye contact looking at other peoples faces, just lips etc work, they dont end up feeling that i am staring at them as such. When i say talking with hands i mean like those greeks and italians do when theyre talking.

I've been told that I stare awkwardly at people sometimes. I'm probably overcompensating for my aversion to eye-contact and also I don't emote as much so I guess people feel like I'm too intensely focusing on them.

I just tend not to make eye contact.....if it's super noticeable than I even avoid eye contact with people I know. I hate when people tell me they can see that I've been through a lot when they look in my eyes..........it's like I've got a couple black depressing pits of absolute nothingness for eyeballs so I prefer not to make people suffer that. Though in general eye contact is not something I am very comfortable with but the fact that I am worried of what people will see or feel when I make eye contact also plays a role in why I don't.

Other then that, I don't see what else to do....i just sometimes wish it was not so easy for me to freak people out.

I have the same problem. I hate when that happens. People get startled or creeped out by it. Although occasionally, some people really enjoy the intense eye contact. I tend to look people right in the middle of their eyes, and sometimes I don't blink enough. I like noticing their pupils, and overall-- eyes are interesting. You probably already know about making eye contact and then looking away. There's also looking between the eyebrows.

One thing to remember is to smile and nod often. You cannot lose with a smile... People tend to relax if you give off a certain agreeableness in your demeanor. Sometimes I won't barely hear a word someone said, but I can still appear to be listening. Most NT's aren't really paying much attention either, half the time. Try to relax, ask them questions about themselves. Walk with the other person if at all possible. It helps with the flow of conversation. Most people just want someone to listen to them. It's really been the easiest way with helping people relax around me.

Use your hands when you speak, and open hand gestures give the impression of openness. Study body language and watch other people interacting. Those are just some ideas.

I would like to add a different perspective. My whole family has autism, including my husband with aspergers. I think you guys are focusing on the wrong issue. Don't think about what you are looking at or what the other person might do or think/not do or think. While you are thinking all these things you have forgotten to listen. Listening and responding is the most important part of a conversation. If you can manage that, no one cares much where you look. Neurotypical people might think it different if you stare or don't look at them at all even, but it is a passing thought, they don't dwell on it. They think you are rude and cold if you don't listen or don't answer. My husband does this. The stare then takes on a whoe new meaning. I call it "crickets". It's like I am talking to myself. I don't care where he looks as long as he responds and engages in the conversation, but you can't do that if all these other thoughts are going through your head.

Something to think about (but not while you are meant to be listening!)

I don't know what to do. I usually just force blinking twice a minute so my eyes don't begin to burn, and maybe people will feel more comfortable when they realise they are not actually talking to a fish.

It doesn't really bother me as much as mixing up my words or trying to be clever by using math, then realising I have no idea what I'm talking about and vow never to use math again, but then I always do. Or at least, stick to the metric system.