Anyone have trouble writing occasionally?

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Tuttle
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12 Dec 2011, 2:25 am

Verdandi wrote:

Can't elaborate much: Have had many meltdowns due to missing buses. Occasional shutdowns because of missing buses. Either way, hate it.

Did you ever qualify for SSI?

It might be getting to the point where you should stop fighting this shutdown.

Not yet - I don't qualify because of having a trust fund in my name from my grandparents. That means I have too much money. So I need to spend it before I have any possibility of qualifying (and my parents have been not supportive of me spending it).

However, I've had more people after that tell me that I should go through the process including spending the money when they've looked to help me find a job. They don't know how to work around my sensory issues on top of the social/communication issues.

swbluto
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12 Dec 2011, 2:48 am

Nope, writing "shutdowns" don't happen to me but it is very often the case that I don't feel like I have anything significant to contribute, so it's practically like a "shutdown" in a way. But, I could still forcibly join words together in an attempt to construct legible sentences, though they may not be sensible nor very relevant to the context. This is one reason why English classes seem so impossible for me - it's not that I can't write (Although I wonder sometimes), but I can't seem to write about anything that the teacher considers "relevant" or "meaningful". (It might be an NT meaningfulness versus AS meaningfulness thing or possibly an NT meaningfulness versus Schiz meaningfulness thing or something.)

I wonder if this is more symptomatic of autism or schizophrenia... hmm...

Also, "shutting down in the middle of walking", nope. Never happens. However, sometimes I decide I might want to go somewhere else or take a different path and the decision-making seems to be unusually slow and so I stayed stopped for a bit o' time. It might just be indecisiveness, but it really feels like my semantic processing speed is a bit slow (How quickly "meaning" is processed in making a decision.) because once all the puzzle pieces are in place, I execute it like *that*. It's getting the puzzle pieces together that seems slow.

Verdandi
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12 Dec 2011, 4:30 am

Tuttle wrote:

It might be getting to the point where you should stop fighting this shutdown.

I went to bed after I wrote that, shutdown for over an hour, slept for the rest. Wasn't too long. Wasn't my most spectacular decision to hold out when I did, but it could have been a lot worse.

Quote:

Not yet - I don't qualify because of having a trust fund in my name from my grandparents. That means I have too much money. So I need to spend it before I have any possibility of qualifying (and my parents have been not supportive of me spending it).

However, I've had more people after that tell me that I should go through the process including spending the money when they've looked to help me find a job. They don't know how to work around my sensory issues on top of the social/communication issues.

Ah, yes, the "how much money do you have" limit, which is ridiculous and should not exist. You should not be forced to be broke and own nothing of consequence in order to receive assistance, but that's how the system is set up.

What does "go through the process including spending the money when they've looked to help find me a job" mean?

swbluto wrote:

Did you ever read Tuttle's post about shutdowns related to subjects? Inability to talk about one thing to the point of even appearing shut down?

Another thing too is that catatonia happens with autism and schizophrenia, which can be related to / similar to shutdowns, as well as a lot of other things.

Quote:

Also, "shutting down in the middle of walking", nope. Never happens. However, sometimes I decide I might want to go somewhere else or take a different path and the decision-making seems to be unusually slow and so I stayed stopped for a bit o' time. It might just be indecisiveness, but it really feels like my semantic processing speed is a bit slow (How quickly "meaning" is processed in making a decision.) because once all the puzzle pieces are in place, I execute it like *that*. It's getting the puzzle pieces together that seems slow.

Makes sense.

pensieve
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12 Dec 2011, 5:27 am

Verdandi wrote:

Also, I'm trying to resist a shutdown right now, which is (as always) doomed to failure. Why do I always try to resist? Does anyone else?

I'm not at the point where it's going to happen no matter what, and clearly I can still write coherently, but talking is a chore. It's more like having tunnel vision focused on the computer and feeling like every part of my body is responding/moving more slowly and that I really really should just go to bed. I usually don't post quite this much when it's happening, but I took some ritalin to see if it would stave things off. Answer: No, it would not.

I cannot resist a shut down. Never try. The shutdown usually happens before I notice it.
I can resist a meltdown but it eventually turns into a shutdown.

Then I have breakdowns which are quick meltdowns turned into long shutdowns. And there's too many conflicting thoughts in my head.
If I'm so busy that I don't have a chance to rest that's when I breakdown.

My sensory overload can cause me to shutdown but it's so frequent I tend to just think of it as post-sensory overload and usually refer to it as sensory overload.

Edit: Four spelling mistakes.

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Verdandi
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12 Dec 2011, 5:55 am

pensieve wrote:

It varies for me. At home, the noise is continuous enough to cause shutdowns, but not loud/overloading enough most of the time to cause immediate shutdowns - and especially not as bad as last year where I was shutting down constantly with little or no warning. In stores, say if I get stuck under a loudspeaker or people are just being loud, it can be a lot faster and a lot harder to see coming. I know some sensory overload effectively stops my brain then and there, and I don't know how long before I can start moving/thinking again (although it's usually a few minutes at most). So not the same kind of thing, and perhaps simply best described as sensory overload, since it tends to happen quickly. I don't recall getting stuck in a store for very long for awhile. Usually in stores if I get that severely overloaded, it's more like a meltdown and I get away as quickly as possible.

When I'm trying to hold off a full shutdown, what's happening is that my brain is shutting down anyway. I'm losing functions like speech, motor control, sensory processing, and so on, and it will eventually cause a full shutdown whether I'm trying to hold on or not.

Most of my meltdowns turn into shutdowns. I can feel the meltdowns coming and sometimes I can hold them off and shutdown and sometimes I just have the meltdown.

One shutdown I have with little warning is losing speech. It will sometimes just happen, like if someone flipped a switch. Cumulative as well as immediate overload can cause it, though.

I am actually still having a shutdown - no speech at the moment, at least. I feel like other things are not working properly too, but I can't really identify them and may simply be imagining it.

Once I'm in a full shutdown my brain goes all chaotic, with random images/thoughts flitting around, and then I lose it all and can't remember a thing that crossed my mind. This happens over and over. I also have no sense of time and emotions seem completely absent. Bodily awareness is mostly gone, as well, unless my skin itches, which gives me a point of reference.

pensieve
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12 Dec 2011, 6:51 am

I've got another type of sensory overload, has to do with smell.
I will walk up the cleaning isle of the supermarket and the smell is sickly sweet and strong and by the time I make it out of the isle I'm struggling for breath. Sometimes I hold my breath but it's still not enough.

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12 Dec 2011, 7:16 am

pensieve wrote:

Oh, I hate that. I get it from perfume, cigarette smoke, the cleaning isle, sometimes but much less often scented candle isles (my sister is like my opposite - she smokes, but scented candles get her the way cigarette smoke gets me). Once I'm out of the smell, I don't have to struggle for breath anymore, but it often gives me severe headaches - even migraines - and causes other overload experiences.

Once at a bookstore I had two women with perfume walk by me, and I was on the verge of a combination meltdown/panic attack by the time I got out of the store. I was having some crowd and lighting issues as well, however.

Teredia
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12 Dec 2011, 8:35 am

Its interesting you say this. I have read some of your other posts i remember.
I have something very similar happen its when my brain can no longer handle all the information coming into it. Like if im doing a huge assignment and i have to reference it i lose speach control and motor control. My movements and speach become ret*d and if you didnt know me any better its like i have mental retardedness.
This can last for a few minutes to a few hours and be on and off.

I have notice i can interupt it and return to normal speach by drinking a glass of water like sip (20 seconds normal speach) etc.
I can also still sing perfectly though I get a really bad headache with it.

As for writing i have trouble all the time for example i will try and give one:

"how aes yosn today i am preyyt good really i havent a probe, so this is just wierd ok? yeah thats jsust normal."

And the thing is my brain can read that word for word... its not cause im typing too fast or have forgotten where the keys are or anything i touch type perfectly its for some reason my head gets the key letter wrong from the brain to the finger.

I suppose this may have something to do with my dyslexia but idk.

I am kind of glad im not the only one who has these strange loss of speach sessions though...

Verdandi
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12 Dec 2011, 9:07 am

Teredia wrote:

I am kind of glad im not the only one who has these strange loss of speach sessions though...

Yeah, finding this was actually not unusual helped me a lot.

mar00
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12 Dec 2011, 9:56 am

I usually get this "skill loss", which can vary from the very basic to what I am supposed to be a master of. And then the next day I'm okay again. That confuses the hell out of me. I never resist though I kinda like it...I don't really know what is like, my mind and focus just drifts away and shuts down (if I cannot connect or there is something too much of). And this numbness is a bliss I'm afraid I'm getting addicted to it. Also I seem to experience a lot of derealization. But as far as I can tell it's not because of sensory issues as much as it is because of "mental sensory issues", or as I put it "too much information". Because I do tolerate almost every sound and smell and I tend to almost get high on it. Maybe I'm just nuts.

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12 Dec 2011, 10:53 am

Verdandi wrote:

I've mentioned before I occasionally lose speech (at least a few times a month, sometimes more often). Another thing that happens to me that's similar is that I lose writing. I can still read, and sometimes speak (but it usually happens when I can't speak as well). What I can't do is assemble words out of letters. The keyboard is simply overwhelming and confusing, and while I can think in general terms what I might want to say, what I can't do is make the translation/transition from my brain to my fingers to write it out. If I push at it, I can manage a few letters or a single world, but it takes a lot of effort.

It's another kind of shutdown that happens more rarely for me than speech shutdowns, and more often than losing the ability to read (that has only happened once this past year), and is somewhat difficult to cope with as I usually don't have any means of communication at that point.

It actually happened the other night, and I was strictly using emoticons in replies on one particular forum because words were too much work. I think symbol-based communication would probably still be usable, although I don't have anything like that installed on my computer, and it happens rarely enough I'm not sure if I need it.

I experience this to varying degrees that ranges from not being able to write more than a single word with a lot of effort to barely able to manage a sentence or so - and other times I can write extensively about the same topic. This may have something to do with ADHD as well, although it usually happens when I typically have other kinds of shutdowns (such as inability to move and speak, or just to speak, or losing all emotion, etc. - I haven't been able to identify everything that I might describe as a shutdown and I feel like I'm noticing new stuff all the time, which is not my favorite way to spend time).

When my writing does start returning, my ability to do so is limited and gradually improves. My sentences tend to be fragmentary and grammatically off, although I'm not sure how other people read it. Like so:

Quote:

Too much noise, shutdown, lost speech, even lost writing for a few hours. Fun times. Writing's sort of back, still no speech. Obviously I can move.

Which is something I wrote to someone around the time I could write again the other day.

As usual, mostly trying to process this, and wondering if others can relate.

Sorry, haven't read the thread yet. I just had to ask something...

What does it say about me that I knew exactly who the kitten in your avatar was as soon as I opened the thread? I'm actually surprised about it myself...

Teredia
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12 Dec 2011, 10:54 am

Verdandi wrote:

Teredia wrote:

I am kind of glad im not the only one who has these strange loss of speach sessions though...

Yeah, finding this was actually not unusual helped me a lot.

Its like 1.30 in the morning n im running on 3 hours sleep so this becomes quite funny to me as i have noticed i comment on your post and you have commented on mine =)

When I 1st started these strange things I was with 2 friends, and the next day i ended up in hospital having brain scans and everything... couldnt find a thing ohwell... sigh life haha.

Verdandi
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12 Dec 2011, 11:06 am

Sokar wrote:

It says that you're bloody brilliant and have excellent taste in popular media.

Teredia wrote:

When I 1st started these strange things I was with 2 friends, and the next day i ended up in hospital having brain scans and everything... couldnt find a thing ohwell... sigh life haha.

I've been thinking of seeing a neurologist for some more thorough evaluations. I doubt anything serious will come up, however.

Teredia
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12 Dec 2011, 11:08 am

Verdandi wrote:

Sokar wrote:

It says that you're bloody brilliant and have excellent taste in popular media.

Teredia wrote:

When I 1st started these strange things I was with 2 friends, and the next day i ended up in hospital having brain scans and everything... couldnt find a thing ohwell... sigh life haha.

I've been thinking of seeing a neurologist for some more thorough evaluations. I doubt anything serious will come up, however.

Stupid doctors here wouldnt send me to a neurologist because the waiting list is 12 months and I dont have private health insurance... FML....

Verdandi
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12 Dec 2011, 11:15 am

Teredia wrote:

Stupid doctors here wouldnt send me to a neurologist because the waiting list is 12 months and I dont have private health insurance... FML....

I am not sure I would be able to see one before a year is up, assuming there's one in the vicinity who takes medicaid.

Might be able to see a neuropsychologist, maybe.

Teredia
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12 Dec 2011, 11:30 am

Verdandi wrote:

Teredia wrote:

Stupid doctors here wouldnt send me to a neurologist because the waiting list is 12 months and I dont have private health insurance... FML....

I am not sure I would be able to see one before a year is up, assuming there's one in the vicinity who takes medicaid.

Might be able to see a neuropsychologist, maybe.

Id be bloody lucky to find one of those where i live, were lucky to have a neurologist.. (or a university for that matter).....

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