I HATE being misunderstood!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

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There are outward signs, but they're reliably misinterpreted.

It's not that I am intentionally relying on my mum to do things for me. I mean, if I had to go up the doctors on my own or go to the bank on my own, I would do it - with great difficulty and lots of plucked up courage and pessimistic thoughts swimming through my head the whole time - but I can do it. It's just the social anxiety that makes it so hard, and that sometimes I need support, not just my mum, but anyone. Even if I had to do all the talking, I still would do it better if there was somebody with me, just in case I do or say something stupid (which is usually what happens), and I could then have back up.

Not only do I hate being misunderstood, I suspect that perhaps one reason I've been so angry all my life is the constant misunderstandings, the repeated frustration of saying something clearly and succinctly and having it ignored or minimized by NTs.

I self-diagnosed about 9 months ago at age 45, so I am still in the very early stages of figuring out how everything fits.

Recently I was at a psychiatry clinic, and a nurse preparing to take my vital signs asked me how I was. I told her I was "highly anxious." When she was finished, this nurse remarked that my blood pressure was a little high, "but you said you were a little bit anxious." I corrected her, reminding her that I had said I was "highly anxious," not "a little bit anxious." Maybe I'm missing something here, but I honestly can't imagine a slightly anxious person saying they were "highly anxious," especially in a psychiatry clinic.

Over the next several days I kept thinking about the above incident, and also about the dozens of therapists, counselors, and psychiatrists over the years who had failed to diagnose depression and generalized anxiety (I had to self-diagnose both, then tell the professionals), while sticking me with a lot of diagnoses that were patently wrong. Other people usually find a therapist or shrink they like with just one or two tries, but I had a long string of them who hadn't done squat for me, and several had greatly harmed me. So I had to assume there was something about me that was a problem, but I couldn't guess what for all these years.

Finally getting to the point: could it be that my affect, my tone of voice and body language, does not match the words I speak when I am trying to communicate extreme distress to a mental professional? Could it be that an NT, hearing words of extreme distress but seeing a calm, clinical demeanor would automatically discard or minimize the words? I mean, could an NT mental health professional unconsciously downgrade my words to match the level of my affect?

I would greatly appreciate any input about this.

It's quite possible. I don't have much experience with that kind of situation, but a lot of times I have gone to a doctor with physical issues, they are dismissive of me based on my appearance. I don't think it's just my body language or demeanor though. I have been told more than doctor that I was okay because my "color" looked good. Now, I won't go to a doctor at all unless I'm in really severe pain. So they downgraded my level of pain based on my peachy complexion.

I think they make all kinds of assumptions about people based on appearance, and it could be due to a combination of things...your attractiveness, the way you are dressed, your ethnicity, and who knows what else.



This is the type of misunderstanding that happens to me a lot, and it drives me nuts. In my own experience I think this is more of a verbal misunderstanding, because it happens to me just as often, or more, in writing as it does in a face-to-face interaction. I am not so sure it is an NT thing either. It's really strange when it happens in writing, because I could point back to what I wrote and say for instance, "see here, I used the word 'highly'," but typically the other person will still dismiss it and use their own interpretation.

But looking at this in the context of your experiences with mental health professionals, I would guess this is not purely a verbal misunderstanding. There is something else going on. I could imagine the opposite situation - a person saying they feel just a "little bit" anxious - and if they have a quavering voice, shaking hands, and widened eyes they would likely be taken more seriously.

Also consider this - a lot of health professionals don't take self-reporting very seriously at all. They look for things they can see and measure - physical symptoms and behavior. They don't listen to a patient's words so much, because they consider it to be your own subjective interpretation of your experience.

Hmm, the Psych thing sounds familiar. When I go to ANY KIND of doctor visit, I put on my "Clinical Face". The one that got me this once: "Do you always display such a flat effect?"
Nope. Just in doctor offices/labs/ERs. LOL

Sincerely,
Matt

Oh yes, I can't stand it when people don't understand me. And whenever I try to explain myself, my word choice apparently is either too complicated or doesn't really mkae sense to the ears of an NT. If they keep asking me to translate something for them, especially during one of my extremely long rants, I get so mad because I've already explained what I needed to explain so even a young child could understand, but it's somehow not getting through the NT's head. I don't feel breaking it down for the person, so I get REALLY mad!

I've had people telling me that as far back as grade school, even the school counselors were telling me that.

I don't say that. They don't lack it much in relation to each other, but they sure as hell lack it for Autistics.

Thank you so much for the feedback, dianthus. You've made a lot of very good points and given me new perspectives to consider.

I haven't had these sorts of misunderstandings in writing, or at least I haven't noticed them. The internet has been a huge boon to me, particularly a certain social site. I express myself far better in writing than in person, and I am far better at understanding the written word than the spoken. It took several years for this to develop, but I now have the first true emotional support network I've ever had. It's a small one, just two good friends on that social site, but still, it's huge for me. And both are NTs, although it turns out one of them cares for an autistic teenager.

Matt62, I also have my "Clinical Face", and more generally my "Out In Public Face". Thing is, I was so ficked up that day that I was bawling through the first of my two appointments, and in the second appointment I suddenly lost it and just yelled, and yelled again. Then I ran for my car and sat in there just yelliing and yelling until my voice was gone. I was just purging tons of pent-up frustration and rage, most of it nothing to do with the appointments I had that day.

So I have to wonder, was I still wearing my Clinical Face with that nurse, when I was less than half an hour from a complete meltdown? I guess maybe I was.