Autistic Adults Hidden in Plain Sight, 1% -- LA Times

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I don't really understand why that was inappropriate -- I'd think it was a diagnostic question to find out how her socialization was progressing. I do understand why it made her uncomfortable to admit that she didn't have any, but when I was thirteen I'd have said that I had all the friends I wanted, or plenty, because I'd have counted every kid in the upper four grades of my two-room country school (about 40, roughly, in both rooms)(at least half of them my cousins) and probably some in the lower four grades. I didn't play softball with them at recess, because I didn't _like_ softball: if a ball came flying in my direction, I wouldn't catch it (couldn't), and I'd probably get a bruise unless I managed to dodge it. One of the teachers we had figured out that making me "stay in at recess" was not a punishment, it was what I wanted to do anyway. She made me go out and join the softball game, where I'd be put out in the outfield by the other kids, who _knew_ about me and balls, and with any luck I might not need to catch one. But anyway, I had all the kids to play with that I wanted-- I'd mostly rather read a book. It wasn't until I got into high school that I started wanting attention from boys, and my mother was happy that I didn't get any: she was afraid I'd become what she called "boy-crazy". And for attention from girls, I still had all my cousins (my boy-cousins were off chasing girls, or playing sports).

The psychologist was clumsy and clunky.

The psychologist tried to do too much all at once.

It's like a salesperson overselling, maybe even like a sleazy salesperson.

Or another analogy, it's like a beginning poker player early in the tournament clumsily going all in pre-flop. If it doesn't work out, kind of hard to recover from that point. It's the clumsy all-at-once step. And instead of graciously recovering, or simply allowing a medium mistake stay a medium mistake, it sounds like this mistake was compounded with several other mistakes.

I am not a great fan of so-called mental health professionals. Straight up. Although some can be helpful and respectful, a lot are not. I think sometimes the agenda becomes the therapist being "right" or being "smart" and not about having a respectful back-and-forth conversation with the client. Other people here at WP have had positive experiences with mental health professionals, and more power to them. (And it doesn't help that it originated from the medical model where we focus and obsess on what's wrong, rather than focusing on strengths and building from there and being matter-of-fact about any deficiencies.)

It can also be damaging. Looking back, one of the hinge points of my life was when we had just moved in third grade and my Dad said "go out and make some friends." I had been wanting to help with the move and I think my Dad just wanted me out of the way. Well, I excelled at school, received praised, excelled at tap dancing, received praise, etc, was kind of viewed as the hero of the family, not a good dynamic either (instead of the approach, people have strengths, people are different and it's all good). So, I went out and tried to "excel" at making friends. It was clumsy and overdone and I took 'failures' personally. Of course, making friends is very much the zen approach of allowing it to happen, not trying to force it to happen, and very much operates on it's time frame.

At different times, I was good at organizing activities, in elementary school, tag games and picnics. In high school, trips to the movies and the beach, and bike trips. What I'm not good at, nor particularly interested in, is "hanging out."

Now, I do kind of see what's Sibyl is saying, or what I take from what she is saying. That of being happy with acquaintances. And it's not a contest. It happens on it's own terms.

Since your daughter has strong verbal intelligence, maybe theatrical groups or visiting political groups? With the added benefit that if a person gets things going outside of school not all their social eggs are in the one school basket so to speak.

Last edited by AardvarkGoodSwimmer on 18 Dec 2011, 3:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

the bell-shaped curve and more than 1% would be nearly aspie or 'bridge people'? I think so. In fact, I would be open to the idea that more than one percent of people are directly on the autism spectrum.

And one of my hopes is that autism can be viewed, if I may use a loaded term . . . as a 'normal' human variant. Just like some people are gay, some are people straight, and it's not particularly a big deal.

I think I didn't express myself very well in that last post. I was just ranting. My complaint with therapists is that no client can be helped unless rapport is established first, and no one seems to be able to that with my daughter because she shuts down with normal questioning and small talk. I can't see what's so hard about asking an AS client about their special interest just to help them feel comfortable. This is pacing and leading, and is a standard therapeutic technique. Start where the client is at, and then slowly move to the topic at hand.

Believe it or not, things did end up working out OK with that Kaiser psychologist I was talking about. I spent the first half hour letting her know every time she was breaking rapport, and my daughter helped by handing her a piece of writing to read. By the end of the session my daughter liked her, and was willing to go back. So it's a question of whether or not the psychologist can remember how to communicate with my daughter from session to session. In the past others have managed to establish rapport with guidance from us, only to totally break it the next session and ultimately loose her trust.

Oh, and she needs therapy from a psychologist (or someone like that) because she had some very traumatic things happen to her when she was younger, and they still haunt her.

This is actually the way people treat it around here, as we live in an extremely liberal area just north of San Francisco. They keep telling me, "We don't like to use labels around here." However, I've seen this reluctance to label translate into a failure to recognize and support serious areas of dysfunction. Unlike other human variants, some people with AS are unable to work or perform daily tasks, and are not sufficiently helped by drugs or standard therapy. So it can be very hard to get help if people see you as basically being a quirky intellectual rather than someone with a disability.

When I was 26, I saw a pychiatrist to talk about family issues and some struggles with obsessive-compulsive disorder. He talked about medication, I asked a question. I asked a follow-up question. He said "I've not going to justify my (diagnosis/prescription)" something like that, and in a huffy voice. Wow.

I later decided I didn't really do anything wrong. It was really more his issue than mine.

So, helping professionals may preach a game of working in "partnership" with their clients. But I think how they either receive regard from their colleagues or disapproval is entirely different. It's more like something like 'being in charge.'

I've seen a couple of counselors, mediocre at best. Really, the person who helped me the most was a speech therapist who informally helped me as a counselor.

Perhaps with your daughter, some kind of sports exercise coach, maybe a martial arts instructor, with the benefit of taking some of the weight of the trauma onto their shoulders, along with maybe a snippet of Asian philosophy (a little of this goes a long way).

Or a running or swimming coach, and again taking some of this burden onto their shoulders, along with there really aren't definite answers to a lot of this, not philosophically, more like partial answers, which can go some of the way and help in some circumstances, more along the line of skills.

Regarding my Dad's violence and my Mom's tricky justification, I sometimes tell myself (about someone else), 'Unlikely to take it to the top and I can handle it if they do.' That sometimes helps, nothing always helps.

I did make a post a while ago requesting people share their positive experiences with counselors. And I didn't talk all over it. I let people have their say. And maybe 30% are helpful. A lot are in the sloppy middle. And some are positively harmful.
(will post link if I can find it)

Please share good stories of counselors, etc
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt151563.html

(Okay, so maybe 35% are good.)

I'm not surprised at ALL. Kids get help because they are crashing and burning at school. After 18, you crash and burn and get sent to shrink who may not know anything about spectrum disorders.

My husband's shrink readily admits he knows nothing about Aspergers and he is in his mid 60s. I read that is the average age for practicing shrinks in the US. So there are a whole lot of psychiatrists practicing without a clue.

The Aspie might get diagnosed with OCD, PTSD, GAD, panic and anxiety attacks, schizophrenia or some other personality disorder that fits just barely.

Also factor in no money for a good doctor, (the county mental health dude doesn't care. If you aren't murdering grandmothers or biting off the heads of small mammals, you're good to roam free).

If you are over 40, mom and dad may be dead, and sibs are burnt out caring. So you have no advocate for your plight. Homeless, "weird" people just don't have that "tug at your heart stories" that other illnesses have, which makes NTs part with cash and time.

Especially if you are a single male. Madison Avenue has yet to put a good spin on your problems.

45 year old dude living in section 8 housing, with no job, no social skills, no friends and family fund raising against teary eyed mom with blonde/blue eyed 4 year old spectrum child. Guess who society will open their wallets for?

So I'm not surprised that adult Aspies fall through the social services ripped, ratty safety net.

Double post. Sorry.

Last edited by Tawaki on 19 Dec 2011, 11:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

Depending upon the methodology (used to determine ASDs), It's probably a tad bit higher than the 2.6% incidence rate reported in the South Korean study.

You have to look at it this way.

The people getting diagnosed are those that have access to resources ,those who have affiliations to groups and individuals that are aware of the condition, or simply by a chance encounter( with someone or something i.e media resources).

There exists plenty of people(in the US alone) who haven't a clue about ASDs.

IF there is an epidemic, it's an epidemic of undiagnosed cases.

TheSunAlsoRises

So, should we view Leo Kanner as that much of a good guy?

Granted, back then, few people had heard of mainstreaming, perhaps few people had even thought about mainstreaming.

But all the same, this is disappointing.