Shut-down, brain-freeze, Crash?

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I've been told its my responsibility, I know that, but I was constantly told I could control it, that in that moment, I could just take a breath and it would go away, its obvious most don't understand what it feels like when you feel so much, or it hurts so much that control itself is long gone.

I'm usually very calm, very logical, I love to think things through in many ways, I am very open minded of differing opinions to my own..

In the state of a meltdown, I end up smashing my fists against my head, as if the physical pain will stop me losing it, I've also been known to bang my head against the wall, and scratch my fingers so hard across my face that it bleeds..

I definately believe its not a limit of emotion, more an excess beyond our control or comprehension, it can not be controlled, but the cause itself can be found and changed or removed.

I think it serves a wonderful purpose in the end, such passion must be able to be released in other ways.

If I get overwhelmed by too much going on around me I can't function. I used to use the excuse of slipping away to have a smoke. I don't advise the smoking part.
If I can't be alone for a while, I have to fight the urge to curl up in a ball.

The form it takes with me really depends on a number of factors. Either way, though, if you’ll excuse me for sounding insane, it doesn’t feel like me. It’s like another me. Like some evil twin inside me that sometimes has a normal rein - me normally. Sometimes the cage is locked and I hide the key - shutdown.
Sometimes the twin manages to break free of its cage - meltdown.
‘Time out card’ and all that - the problem is, its not really me that has control of my body or it doesn’t feel like it - its the twin.
That’s the best I can explain.

I have these moods also where my whole being shuts down, I want to be alone in the dark with the tv on and staring through the screen. If it happens during a time of bad things happening in my life, I will feel helplessly depressed, and remember all the bad times and failure, and have thoughts of suicide. I've managed not too have this mood lately. This last week when I was in a "shut down" I didn't even think that much either and didn't have any depression. I had a real bad cycle for a couple of years, and through trying really hard to see everything positively I have slowly diminished my depression and hope to never go through a cycle like that again. Peace out.

David

I tend to associate melt downs with some sort of outburst, whether it be emotional or physical. Shut downs involve not being able to take in any more information and completely zoning out, only to a greater sense.

Since melt downs generally involve an outburst (which has the potential to turn violent, depending on the person and situation), I have used mental discipline and training to control and subdue melt downs and they become shut downs instead. Even when I am having a difficult time thinking logically and rationally, I am still able to reason with myself that a violent emotional outburst isn't going to do anyone good, including (and especially) myself.

If I am on the verge of a melt down, I clench my hands into fists as tight as I can make them, sit down somewhere and close my eyes. Eventually I come to the stage where that is no longer necessary and I can usually convince myself to calm down enough to voluntarily zone out to the point where only a loud explosion near me or someone physically shaking me (and pretty hard) or something of the like would be able to snap me out of it.

It is something that takes quite a bit of practice and quite a bit of mental discipline, but this technique can be advantageous because shut downs are milder and "more socially acceptable" than a violent melt down would be. I hope this makes sense and I hope this helps.

A complete meltdown doesn't happen to me very often.

Usually it's just a minor peak of irritability.

I understand what you mean when it feels like another person, "a twin" as you said.

For me I realised after many years of losing people over the rage and explosions, I realised there must be something inside me that I'm denying, or overusing.

For me finding the cause was VERY important because my breakdowns leave me so full of rage I can't control myself, I hate scaring myself and the one I love.

I found that trying to "stop" myself, or trying to ignore my focus, or trying to behave normally, all lead me to breakdown.

The scariest aspect for me is that even a minute before it, I don't know its coming, and once it takes over, there is zero control... This made it all important for me to find out why..

Though I'm not there yet, its REALLY good to know that others go through the same, I was convinced I was just an angry a**hole yet was so confused because the last thing I want to do is hurt people...

The rage in a meltdown, its like a wild animal been restrained, it feels like my sensitivity overloaded, it feels like the anger I've held at being misunderstood all my life comes out in one big explosion..

I vow now and here, I will never hurt someone again, no matter what it takes..

When I read the word "Meltdown" on this site, I finally understood something that has happened to me again and again through a long working life (I'm over 60 now).
I am very intelligent, and am very good at working out efficient systems for everything from how to load the dishwasher to how to anlyze a business or a product to write Policies and Procedures or User Guides. (I'm a technical writer.)

But if people ignore my thoroughly logical solutions or fight against them, I feel the pressure building up and it often ends in tears and yelling. This is pretty much how I have terminated any number of jobs , including a recent very short attempt to relieve the President of my Chorale, for which I lasted about 3 months. I figure it has a lot to do with my lack of people skills, understanding office politics, etc. I do not understand how to get my ideas across, and then I feel backed in a corner when I can't.

I am trying to limit my jobs to short contracts with specific deliverables, preferably done from home.