defensive anyone?

Post Reply New Topic

I've found it seems most common that someone thinks I'm being defensive when they use their 'typical person body language dictionary' on me. Often, I'll be upset or frustrated with myself, or be trying to understand something and it seems like the other person is not listening to anything I'm saying, and my upsettedness is interpreted as though it's in relation to the content of the conversation instead of the context or how I feel about the situation. Other times, if it's a hard subject like at a therapy appointment, I'll cross my arms because I need some more confidence to get through the subject (and I recognize it's an important subject to discuss), and for typicals, this means 'I don't wanna talk about it' no matter how much I try to argue the truth. Then the rest of the session and next session is spent talking about my arm-crossing.

Past that, and it sounds like others know this feeling, I've been accused of stuff throughout my life, instances in which I needed to defend myself. It seems like the very act of being accused makes it so that you have to conversationally 'defend' your point of view... So I guess I don't understand the problem with being 'defensive.' After years of trying all different approaches possible (that's my problem, my approach apparently) it seems more like saying 'you're defensive' is just a conversational whip, and doesn't actually mean what it implies.

It seriously looks like I'm being defensive about being defensive I couldn't really care less, I'm just sayin' stuff! lol

i am pretty instantly defensive pretty much all the time

life experience saw me being accused of most anything that ever went wrong

because i would always stop and think about whether i was actually the cause of some situation instead of immediately saying F you people would then assume i was the cause of the problem

or my ex-wife or family members would use it to win arguments because i would stop and consider their words

i am instantly defensive and accused of being defensive all the time

it sucks

i am working on trying to ignore the constant BS that spews out of most people

one of my former bosses gave me some advice, he said:

"the fastest way for someone to get s**t off themselves is to scrape it off and smear it on you. everyone does it all the time. don't accept it, fight back instantly"

i am trying to work with a) ignoring people, b) telling them to get stuffed

Yes, I get perceived as being defensive, but most of the time, that's not my intention.

"Defensive" or "argumentative" is how I appear to others when I am trying to understand what is expected of me.

An example:
At work (it seems that this is where I have the most problems), when I am told to do something a certain way, I ask a lot of questions to clarify the instructions and to be sure I understand. This is misinterpreted as being argumentative.

I've been accused of being "defensive" on the internet, but never in a face-to-face interaction. I think I'm generally too slow to react to things to be considered defensive. I've been told more often that I'm "agreeable."

I get accused of being "defensive", but only by bullies.

They don't like people who defend themselves.

IMHO, it can be a pretty manipulative thing to accuse someone of being defensive.

How the hell are you supposed to defend yourself from that accusation?

I've gotten accused of bullying too for self defense. I just ignore that claim. If anyone accuses you of being defensive for defending yourself, ignore the claim. Technically isn't defending yourself being defensive? Isn't that what self defense means? That's what the dictionary definition says. It implies it.

Only if I feel I'm being unfairly targeted or accused. Or suspected of lying ( I guess maybe I should share some of my AS thoughts with my superior's at work.).
Happened yesterday. Someone said I hit their car with a shopping cart. Nonsense, they almost ran ME over!

Sincerely,
Matt

If someone says you are being defensive, it can only be because they know they are being offensive.

I must admit, I do have to pay attention to overcome my automatic "I didn't do it and it's not my fault!" response.

I'm to old to care.

Considering that I blocked someone on Facebook yesterday after a short fight with them I would say yes, I can be overly defensive.

I did the same thing in a aspie group on there. Someone posts a thread about aspie men relationship difficulties and I post about my aspie ex and I get told I was doing aspie men bashing and that she doesn't like reading about relationship problems because there are two sides to the story. But the thread was about aspie men and relationship issues right and she posted in it and then replied to my post when I made a post. Anyway I felt she was signaling me out so I blocked her so I wouldn't bother her with my posts again and have t hear from her again.