Meltdowns

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To be honest it has to do with are emotions and no matter if it's aspergers, ADHD, etc are emotions are really at times way more out there and harder to get control of. Is it like that for ever one? No because outside of what we have that ties use together we are all different people.

This, so, so, so this. I absolutely hate it when people watch over my shoulder, or watch me do something I'm not 100% on doing. It makes me nervous as all get-out. For example, my grandfather insisted on watching me back the golf cart out of the garage and I flipped out on him, and backed it out pretty badly compared to how I usually do.

I had an outburst over something really small the other day. Well, it was small to NTs, but a really big problem for me. My mum had told me that my cousin (who was the last left in the family without a lover) has finally got a girlfriend, and so now I am the only person out of all my 14 cousins without a lover. So I went into one. Most NTs wouldn't think nothing of it when being told that their last ''single'' cousin has found a girlfriend or boyfriend, but I just felt really angry with myself that I haven't got a boyfriend and that I'm 21 years old and haven't even had sex or even kissed anyone on the lips and that I'm not likely to either the way my boring life is going at the moment, and it just all got to me and I cried and swore and hit myself. I just didn't know what else to do.

I'm the same way. If someone is watching me I do worse than I do on my own.

Same with me too. I have Social Phobia, so I always thought it was to do with that. I avoid using the self service check-outs in supermarkets because I keep thinking somebody's watching me, and even if there isn't people watching me, I still think they are, so practically I do something wrong all the time, or slower.

Also I avoid the seats on the bus that face backwards, because then I will get someone sitting facing me, which makes me VERY unsettled and unsure where to look. Then I find myself making faces like twitching my nose or mouth or blinking a lot or something like that, whereas I know I never do this when I'm not sitting somewhere in somebody's line of vision.

I do too! I don't sit in the seats that face each other on the bus because I'm really uncomfortable with people looking at me, even unintentionally. I also have a habit, I don't know if it's a stim, of lip-synching to the music I'm constantly listening to in earphones, so if I were to sit facing another person, I would be perceived as psycho.

Mine will look like they are over something trivial, but that trivial thing is usually just the "straw that broke the camels back". It's a build up of lots of things over the long or short term that actually causes it. I'll be able to handle the stress of multiple things, and as more things pile on, it gets harder and I struggle more to keep it together. If stress keeps piling on, without relief from any of the other stress, I will lose it.

Probably the worst for me are the smaller things that have to do with my immediate surroundings, routine, or plans. If for some reason I am unable to do something that I have counted on, looked forward to, or something that I do on a regular basis to calm myself or put myself in a good mood, that is more likely to upset me than something else is. If it's something immediate, such as my heat breaks down, or my internet connection messes up for whats going to be hours or days, or even if my husband goes to bed before I do preventing me from reading in bed before sleep, I get very upset. I may or may not have a meltdown over things like that, depending on how much stress I'm dealing with at the time.

I also have issues with that. Sitting next to someone on the bus is bad enough, especially if I don't have the window seat (but if I do sit at the window, it's horribly awkward when I have to get out). But the worst case scenario is when someone sits in front of me facing me. I'd rather stand during the bus ride, even though I have a hard time keeping my balance.

I've found that reading a book can be a great help. I always take a book on a bus ride, or nowadays my Kindle. It's not easy to focus on my reading when I'm surrounded by people, but at least I have something to look at. Reading also helps me endure a crowded waiting room at my doctor's office. And when I stand in line at the supermarket checkout, I use my iPhone Kindle app to read (but then I have the irrational fear that the person in front of me might think I'm taking photos of their behind. My anxiety-riddled mind works in strange ways).

If I'm angry and people are watching me I get angrier. I don't mind so much when I absolutely over joyed or just content. I used to have performance anxiety but these days my anxiety is chemically triggered, by a chemical I put in my body.

If it's any consolation, sex is way overrated. It's awkward and clumsy and embarrassing, more than any other form of social interaction, and afterwards you wonder why you went through all that trouble.

I know that love and relationships seem very urgent and important when you're young, but at some point you realize that a friendly chat with someone (a relative, a neighbor, doesn't matter really) does so much more for your emotional wellbeing than the stress and pressure and confusion that inevitably comes with a relationship.

Besides, people in relationships aren't necessarily happy either. It is human nature to never be satisfied with what you have and always wish for the opposite. Whenever I feel depressed about my loneliness, I remind myself that there are countless married people with nagging spouses and thankless children who would be jealous of my carefree bachelor life

Just out of curiosity, what chemical is that? Is it a side effect of the meds you are taking?

Yes it's a side effect. It's manageable and not as bad these days as it was when I moved to my new city. Ritalin. White gold.

Joe, I was married, for 13 years, and I can say what CCL is saying-- now. I would not have when I was 21, but it's said that when you haven't experienced it (for girls, anyway) you don't miss it nearly as much. Millions of nuns and Victorian Old Maids have done it, down through the centuries, and the last three years of my marriage were plain Hell.