Good article on bullies and how to avoid

Post Reply New Topic

Yeah, actually the first plan in a real and dangerous confrontation should be to quickly decide on a way out and to run away without getting a scratch and if not possible, deflect the first few blows and then run away.

If running away proves to be truly impossible and one is at risk at being significantly harmed, then one might defend themselves by returning the attack with the least injuring (but most effective) technique.

That isn't beating the other(s) up usually but deflecting blows and restraining them to the ground or restraining them in another firm and (often) painful position (some common techniques of restraining a person can mean that too much violent resistance on their part may earn them a moderate injury) that should stop their violence, calm them down/scare them and (at best) keep them in place until the cops arrive.

Basically, if you beat them to a pulp like a madman who seeks out violence and enjoys it there'll most likely be charges against you later.

Yep. I did both judo and atemijitsu when I was younger, and they have both proved very useful in a fair few situations.




Utter, utter nonsense. The fact is that most folks have no knowledge of martial arts, so you have something of an element of surprise. In my experience on more than one occasion a swiftly executed judo throw has stopped an escalating situation in it's tracks, without causing a huge amount of injury. It's difficult to remain keyed up and ready to fight if the small person you thought was easy picking has just dumped on your backside in the middle of the street.

To be honest, that article struck me as the brayings of someone who WANTS to be a tough guy, and so has made up a persona. I've heard similar bragging in the odd bar, and the person doing the talking had never been in so much as a playground scuffle.

If you want to survive bullies, learn some self defense to give yourself a bit of confidence. It's that air of confidence that will make them leave you alone. Walk with your shoulders back and your head held high and you'll seldom have any bother.

Thanks, I read the article, and the rest of the website. Some of what people have posted can be read about in greater detail on other pages of the site.

Last edited by Orr on 29 Jan 2012, 1:12 pm, edited 2 times in total.

So ... because you disagree with him, he must be an idiot, right?



I used to hear claims like yours a lot ... from bullies ...

Pretty much, yeah. When I say "I refuse to back down," that statement is often misinterpreted. It's not as if I walk into a place crowded with people exuding an air of "I dare you!" I never do anything or say anything that IMHO ought to be interpreted as a challenge to anyone. Still, on rare occasions in the past, people have tried to victimize me for no reason at all. It is then, and only then, that I will not back down. AFTER I've been provoked.

does anybody here know anything about "defendo"? that was a technique that bill underwood taught senior citizens/folks with limited mobility, which he demonstrated in front of johnny carson on the tonight show a few times. i've mentioned it to martial artists [people with some kind of belt] and i always got a expression back. it was a streamlined form of other martial arts, and purportedly could be taught in less than 5 sessions [with "homework" between and after each session] and relies on muscle memory. that would be the thing for me to learn, if there were anybody close to me that knew it and could teach it.

Alright, I thought I'd try to take another look at this article. I realize my first post was a little harsh so I apologize if I offended the OP.

I definitely agree with his idea that walking away is in 99% of the cases the right decision.

However, how many Aspies actually get themselves into these kinds of positions in the first place. I have severe social anxiety and this kind of situation just never seems to pop up to me. I never have had the urge to punch anyone out... okay maybe once or twice in my entire life, practically never.

And besides, while his advice of ignoring is correct, he seems to be blaming the victim in some cases - like if you are getting upset by the guy, then you are weak. I may be misreading, but this is the kind of mentality in this world that I want to do away with and not promote.

You are not weak for wanting to stand up for what is right, despite the fact that playing dumb may be in your own best interest. There is a very slight but important difference.

Again, I'm not sure if I am understanding the article correctly. It is very wordy. Correct me if I am completely misinterpreting. The article was a little difficult for me to follow.

Just walking away or avoiding bullies isn't very helpful advice if the bullying is occurring in school or in a place of work where you can't just quit for whatever reason.

When I was in school I skipped a lot to avoid bullies and all that got me was several trips to family court and getting sent away a couple of times.

From the article:

> 2)These same individuals who refuse to fight (because of fear) will be
> traumatized because they were always beaten up, what would you advise
>for them?

Practical. Don't put yourself into situations where you're around these a**holes. If your reaction is to do the deer in the headlights, then make sure that you aren't in places that they frequent.

From my experience, ignoring bullies does work because if I play dumb or don't give them the attention they need and keep my cool, they back off eventually. I just wish I was this strong as a child because I bet I would have been a lot happier as a kid if I learned to be tough.

But I saw something wrong with this comment:

What if this was at school? Should the child skip school and not go and have their parents get in trouble with the law? What if they can't home school? What if someone signed up for something and they saw their bully had signed up for it too? Should they leave and not do the class? How does a person predict when these situations will happen? Someone goes to the gas station, how are they going to know their bully will be there too? If everyone was psychic and could see what everyone in the world is doing, then it be easy to avoid them all outside of school. If we saw a bully in a store we want to go to, we would go to another store instead.
----

It is true that self defense doesn't always work. Some bullies want you to fight back so they can fight you. So ignoring them is the best thing you can do. This is something I had to figure out three years ago.

I also remember as a kid I would tell other kids to leave me alone and they wouldn't. I would walk away, they would follow after me. I would tell them to leave me alone and they wouldn't. So finally I would hit them. Mom always stood on my side because I had told them over and over to leave me alone and they wouldn't. She found it acceptable for us to fight back after we have tried ignoring them and have told them to leave us alone. I also used to think weak people never fight back nor defend themselves but I realize now that isn't always true. Not defending yourself does not always indicate weakness nor always make you helpless. If someone is looking for a fight, don't give it to them. That won't make you weak nor a p****. It just means you wouldn't take their BS. I taught my pesky neighbor when I was in high school that if kids call him a chicken, start bawking like one saying he is and they will get mad. Or if anyone calls him fat, he can tell them "At least I stay warmer in the winter and you have to wear more clothes to stay warm and I don't get to wear as many."

Also this guy acts like you can prevent having PTSD and you can stop yourself from having trauma. I get he is trying to help people to avoid being victims by telling us to not let them win and take over our heads by getting traumatized.

This looks like something I could have written because this man sounds like me when it comes to bullies and how we deal with them. I still feel the urge to fight back or argue with the person but I decide it's not worth the drama and I remember how stressed out I would get and how it take over my head at work. I remember being told that is letting the person win and getting to me and I am not ignoring them. So really, why put myself through this? I am also guilty of feeling mad at myself for not defending myself against a stranger in public.


I didn't see anywhere where he said people who get upset by the person is weak.

It didn't work for me. I think my lack of reaction made them keep trying in hopes of getting a reaction.

I sometimes wonder if the flat affect I had that psychologists noticed in me was something I had all along that made the bullies bother me more or if I learned it from not showing any response when I got bullied because everyone always told me to just ignore it.

Same here, if I tried ignoring them they would just try harder until I could not keep my cool any longer and got upset. Also the idea of just walking away is good if possible.......but its not very possible when you have to go to school every day and see the same jerks every single day.

No Nonsense Self Defense is actually one of the better sites out there for realistic information on defending yourself, or more importantly, avoiding the necessity to do so whenever possible. I've got a few of the site owner's books on my shelf, and his style can be a bit off-putting and cocky, but he does know what he's talking about. Like me, he's a bit of a knuckle dragging intellectual, though he's definitely led a lot more the thug life than I have.

If you read a bit more into some of what he says about bullies and confronting them, a very useful thing he gets into is confronting them on your terms and not theirs. For him, that meant fleeing if necessary from someone trying to pick a fight with a bunch of their friends backing them up, and later ambushing them when they were alone and beating them so badly that they'd never even *think* of trying anything on him again. A bit more hardcore than most people here are willing to go, I imagine, but doubtlessly effective.

Definitely read more of the site before just writing him off because he's cocky, there is tons of invaluable info there from a guy who is in fact quite well regarded within the serious self defense community. He's not so much a nuts and bolts guy trying to teach a particular style or system, but more of a martial philosopher exploring the psychology of interpersonal violence and how to short circuit it.