Considering telling ex-wife about my new diagnosis.

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They say that divorce is worse than death, I believe that...because with death there is that finalization...there are no more chances...you get on with life, there's no other choice...it's a one way street.

In the past few months I'd say I've made friends with anger, sadness, and rejection and I hate every one of them...actually I can feel emotions pretty well...I just don't express them very easily somedays...or when I do it's at the wrong times.

There are so many things about my ex that drove me insane...he was in constant motion all the time...and some of the things he said to me... and the way he treated me at times...but there are alot of things I still miss...there are still things about him that I still love. It's like an addiction...you love it, you miss it...but if you continue on the same path though it will kill you, maybe not physically, but mentally.

I'm trying to distance myself a bit this time...I've been down the road the first time trying for friendship...it was a painful road...In my case, I'm not sure I want to travel it again.

Well, I wrote her the e-mail, poured my heart out, told her about Asperger's and included a few links.

So I'm about to find out whether this whole thing was a no-win scenario or not.

It should be very interesting.

I told my ex-husband that I have Asperger's syndrome. He didn't say much. I don't know what he really thought. When I talk to him about one or two Asperger traits, he agrees with me. But when I call it a name, he doesn't say much.

When I started taking fluoxetine, he noticed that I was much more relaxed. He actually said it because he was surprised about my patience with things I would normally explode easily. But last week he said nothing was wrong with me. Well. The worst truth has yet to be told then: his daughter has Asperger's too.

I hope it works out for you.

I can sympathise with all of you in the throes of a divorce.

I have not been officially diagnosed with AS -- the shrink refused to consider that I was anything but a "bit unusual". (When I told my daughter that I recognised that I had AS after I had read an article about it in the NY Times, her reply was an understanding "Oh -- we knew that all the time! That's OK."

Now, to get to the point. I was divorced 30 years ago after almost 25 years of marriage. (I'm not a spring chicken!) Several times a day I mentally still go over the causes of the break-up and how it could have been avoided, although realistically I suspect that it was a miracle that we managed to live together for so long. My ex-wife, by the way, is schizoid -- even with a Ph.D. Maybe the only person who could put up with me for as long as she did?? (And vice-versa. I suspect that we deserved each other.)

Anyway, I recently asked my son to pass along to her the news that I probably have AS (we live in different countries). I thought that it might at least give her some understanding of my often quirky behaviour. Her cold response: "I'm not surprised."

I don't understand why you would bother. She's an "EX". She had her chance to be part of your life and tossed it out with the garbage along with many other of her mistakes.

Are you trying to manipulate her in some way? Trying to get back together? Trying to make her reconsider? Why would she care, other than to confirm that she made the right decision? Why would you care?

I say, dig her out of your life like an absessed splinter, which is what she did to you, and get on with important things. For one thing she will not get it, just because you tell her a few things about AS, and because of that, you will be weaker in her eyes than you already are. Cut the rope and let her float away in time.

I think you should probably tell her your diagnosis just to clear up a few loose ends.

I sent her the e-mail and I have yet to hear back from her. But she's not around a computer right now since she's been travelling on this vision-quest kind of trip so she can find her place in the universe.

I'm not looking to get back with her. I'm just trying so damn hard to find a way to tell her that I appreciate all the things she did for me.

But this is our last hurrah. I have turned a corner in my life. I am not the man I used to be. I've finally turned into the wave instead of running away from it.

So I have taken DirtDawg's advice. I've cut the rope and she is floating away into her own destiny.