Extreme empathy rather than a lack of?

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I think that this is not exactly empathy, but something called mirroring. It is considered common in autism spectrum disorders. There is a difference in empathy and mirroring, though it could be difficult to explain. I'll try though, only it is my personal opinion.
Basically, empathizing is something that involves care and compassion (that is, assessment of your feelings and acknowledging them and some decision-making, too) and in the whole it helps people understand and get along each other better.
Mirroring is when one uses (generally unconsciously) their extra-sensitive antennae to pick other people's moods and don these moods on without making a difference whether this is their emotion or somebody else's and without much connection to what is happening to the mirrorer at the moment. These could be overwhelming emotions, regardless of the fact that they are not the mirrorer's emotions, and even more overwhelming because of that.
For an example, an empathizing person would sense that the other person is upset, would acknowledge that as an emotion who belongs to the other person, and would feel the need to help them - by listening, or by doing something, or whatever, effectively workig to calm the upset person and make them feel better. But all the time the empathizer would know that this is the other person's emotion and would have other emotions of their own in response.
A mirrorer would pick up that the other person is upset and would not process that and generate their own emotional response, but, rather, pick it up as it is, not acknowledging that this is not their emotion and that it is not actually happening to them. Using the above example, the mirrorer senses that the other person is upset, and becomes upset in turn. This is really unpleasant and hard to explain, and may escalate quickly to the point that the mirrorer becomes irritable or angry at the other person. Therefore, the mirrorer is unable to offer any comfort, as they are overwhelmed with a negative emotion which largely came out of nowhere (most of it happens on an uncoscious level) but is felt as acutely as one's own emotion.

I'd actually think NTs do more mirroring than Aspies, and part of the problem with Aspies is not being able to mirror socially-appropriate reactions, and Aspies' emotional reactions are often reflections of what they're going through, which can seem inappropriate.

I second this. To me it looks like accusing aspies of mirroring is just an excuse to try to portray us as monsters.

I am not accusing anyone of mirroring. 'Accusing' is a strong word. I do not find mirroring is criminal, or illegitimate, or wrong in any way, so I don't see why a mirrorer or an empathizer would have to become defensive. I am a strong mirrorer myself.
But I can't say mirroring is productive, at least not at all times. Much like empathizing.

It's more that the way you phrased it implied 1. Autistic people do not care and lack compassion and 2. that autistic people are completely unaware that other people have emotions. Both are offensive assumptions.

Thank you, but I think that this is injecting different sense into what I posted. No, I said that mirroring includes picking up another people's emotions without processing them, not that autistic people do not have emotions at all. I think that the latter is incorrect and that it does not follow directly from anything I said.
I have not said that 'autistic people' do not care and that they lack compassion either. I only pointed out that in order to empathize you need to process the emotional information from other people and mount a response that is both adequate to the emotional need projected and distanced enough so as to keep withint your own boundaries with respect to the other person.
If my sense has not been unclear, I do apologize. I never meant to attack or offend anyone.

Like others posting above, my personal experience is similar. If someone tells me of a personal tragedy, I often do not feel an emotion at the time, although I have learned to act like I do sometimes, now that I understand this about myself, so as not to make them feel worse. But then I have the most intense feelings of empathy toward others, toward animals in any kind of distress, toward an abstraction of human suffering, toward my own self, and, like auntblabby, sometimes even toward inanimate objects, but usually when I am alone, and usually not at the time I hear about something bad from another person.

The most intense empathetic response I get causes the palms of my hands to ache in a very particular way that doesn't happen at any other time and, if it is really intense, the soles of my feet also ache with this same painful sensation. I call it "the stigmata feeling" - although I am not and have never been a Christian.

If you feel like that's what NTs react like, I can't help but think you've created an idealisation of NTs. You don't know how many times I've expected people to react 'appropriately', and they didn't do so. But an Aspie can expect people to react in a predictable way, and not be able to deal in an unpredictable situation.

Last edited by Bun on 12 Feb 2012, 11:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

Thank you. I absolutely agree with your opinion stated below, but I don't see how it connects with the above quote. And thank you again but, I think that there is too much judging going on. Is it possible that we are all steering away from the point?

Last edited by Severus on 12 Feb 2012, 10:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

I think it works well in theory, but people need to use their empathic skills in conversation more as you described, or at least not disrespect the other person. And that might be an acquired skill even for NTs, who don't seem as intuitive to me as you described. Even if I'm mistaking your intention, that paragraph had a certain tone that implied NTs are more compassionate.

You edited your post after I've already sent mine. You may go on, if you think we're steering away from the point.

I thought I already apologized for any possible hidden meanings that might have seen to have been in my original post. I assure you that it was not my intention, but then I might be not that well versed.
Anyway, I am offering an apology again, though I am not sure whether apologies are in order at the moment.

Try to read this in a neutral tone: No one asked you to apologise. We can go on now.

I think the thing on tropes.com covered this really well. It is not that we lack empathy, in fact many aspies are too empathic. What we lack is social empathy. There is a huge difference.

So yeah sometimes I get teary watching shows during a sad moment, I hate hearing people or animals in distress so much it almost *hurts*, I will help people on the street that seem to need it even if the norm is to politely ignore them. However I really have to strain and focus to listen to someone talk about what they did on the weekend and I am always surprised when I get told someone I know doesn't like me unless it was obvious.

Thank you, but I thought that was formally expected when people around show signs of being offended. So much for expecting that people act predictable. In any other manner, I think that changing other people's beliefs is nobody's business, even if one happens not to like these beliefs.

In this case, your beliefs weren't changed.