"You can't have AS, you're too charming"

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I've had the opportunity to know many Aspies who are charming. I've been told that I'm charming.

It's kind of tough because when I have brought up the possibility of AS, he just says I'm being a hyperchondriac and to stop reading about it. So I kind of feel foolish, and then I read something else and think "hey, that's me," and then I'm back to doubting again. I don't seem to fit the AS profile in some ways, but is that because I am an NT or just an Aspie that has learned to fake it.

I'd like to talk to someone about it, but my therapist thinks I'm a nut for thinking these thoughts.

My initial interest was entirely academic. I wonder if getting an accurate diagnosis is desirable or even possible.

No, because I've never mentioned AS to a doctor.

I do know that I would be told this.

Honestly, I am able to charm people easily and as much as I share with people who have a diagnosis, many of them can't do that and I'm surprised to see so many replies here from Aspies who can.

It does take some work for me, only because I have to come out of my "bubble" to pull it off, but after that I don't really trouble.

That said, it can be VERY difficult for me to come out of my bubble sometimes, but I still feel like I have an advantage over most on the spectrum and I totally relate to acting and having personas.

I don't mean to sound like an ass, I'm just saying, there's something to be said for even having the ability to charm others and function on "NT mode" even if it's artificial.

I remember my brothers ex was going to college to become a psy.. When she learned I was an aspie she said its impossible because I lack the traits. Which is odd, but I could hold myself quite confidently around her/pull off NT somewhat well.

But everyone has an opinion... perhaps the next person you meet will have a different one.

It is very aggravating and very invalidating of your experience. Just today, someone brushed off my attempts to explain to her about Asperger's syndrome too. I guess it's not worth discussing and learning about, for some people. I also have no idea how to handle this, and not totally take it personally.

Someone who would treat you that way isn't worth the effort. Some people lack curiosity and compassion. I know it doesn't help to say "don't take it personally." But the fault lies entirely with them, not with you.

My opinion, for what it's worth.

Definitely, if I want to, I can charm the pants out of anyone. Not literally, lol but I can have a whole room of people saying "omg, u r so cool!! !" etc It actually happens a lot coz I put "my mask on" when I go out, BUT I think they still think I am "different" and maybe that's part of the "charm" and also, if I do that, it is exhausting for me. It's like a great theatrical performance. Afterwards I am drained. The way that it is done, to me, is what I call "having to bring all my energy above my head". I bring my whole energy supply above my head, I smile, and I radiate something extremely strong that draws people and they are starstruck. Please don't think I am showing off, because that is not my intention. Plus, as people get to know me better, as soon as I relax and start being myself and forget about the mask, they seem to feel "cheated". They paid for their ticket, but the performance is lackluster. I call that the "poodle effect". In the beginning they go nuts about me, I am like a cute poodle to them, and then if I become my real self, they lose interest.

I've always been both a good actor & a very accomplished mimic (I drove the people in the room next to mine in my college dormitory crazy doing ALL sorts of noises, esp. things from Dr. Who! ROFLOL).
The trick here is to drop your defensive traits & the act. I'm also in the process of getting an evaluation/diagnosis. I must remember not to try & appear to be "normal" . This is something every aduldt person with AS/HFA learns if they want to try for any kind of independence. Its actually one of the traits for us on the spectrum IMHO.

Sincerely,
Matthew