The thing about the control freakishness of autism is that an itter bitter can make the difference between easy no-stress high-functioning on a task and can't-move can't-talk non-functioning on the same task. I don't think that this is similar to the high anxiety of OCD, nor are the rituals like OCD rituals. It's more like if I just do it my way, then everything is just fine, nothing to see here, and it gets done fast, but if outside interference prevents me from doing it my way, then I may not be able to do it at all, then my brain may actually shut down, like from a sensory overload, then I may not be able to do the simplest things for the rest of the day. So I think that it's ok to just do things your own way, as long as you don't force others to do things your way. It is possible to make compromises though. When I was little, I was so "insistent on sameness" that I followed my mother when she cleaned the house to return every single object to its designated location. Nothing was to be out of place. Now, I let others do whatever they want in the rest of the house, but I keep everything in the same place in my own room, and others are not to change my arrangements. In a relationship, I imagine that having your own room in which to be a total control freak might help you feel like you have an ordered all-your-own world to escape to and also help let go of control having to do with others.
In this case, the control is not about exerting power or dominance over other people, but feeling functional yourself, especially in relation to physical objects and tasks, not people.
07 Mar 2012, 3:16 pm
