Do aspies want friends or not?

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I actually tend not to worry too much about close friendships much..

I am happy to network for professional reasons, and I tend to seek out communities/friends for special interests (like I hang out with car people in person for car-based events... but I do not talk to those people unless it is about cars)

Online however fills most of my need for friends... I am fine with the barrier that thousands of miles provide when interacting with others and find that my bods with internet people are pretty strong...

However in all of those cases (work, special interests, and online friends) I rarely even talk to them outside of the common medium that connects us...

For example, its possible that some day I'll consider someone here on this forum a very close friend, but I doubt that I'll ever communicate with any of you on IM programs, or other forums, etc... much less so: RL for that matter!

The lack of empathy thing, it means social empathy. If you see someone get hurt, just like most people, you may want to help. I've heard aspies may be more likely to help since they don't see the reason why you would politely ignore someone in distress.

Social empathy means things like asking how someone's weekend was, telling them how yours was. Saying hello each day you meet them. When they say something you inquire in the correct way. Little things like that. Aspies don't seem to get this whole small talk business though, and that is the lack of social empathy.

Some people on the spectrum are actually more extroverted than I am as an NT so there's no rule about introversion, necessarily.

The thing is though, so many Aspies live in their own world. That's the same issue I have, it isn't like I don't enjoy people sometimes but I really have to come out of "my world" to engage with them and for me being in my world is just normal. It's how I learn, how I focus, I don't do as well in school when I come out of my world to socialize. It's hard to shift the focus and go back into my natural mode.

Some people are able to be in their own world and socialize at the same time, I think I've done this in the past but I'm not so good at it now.

Has this topic been researched? I'd be interested in reading the studies if you've got some links. tia.

Personally, I certainly wouldn't mind some friends, but I've thrown in the towel on trying to have any. It just seems like a wasted effort.

Plus at this point in my life I suspect there's an element of "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" going on. I've lived like I live for so long now I'm not sure I could easily hop off one path and onto another.

Meaning if -- for some bizarre reason -- somebody tried to make friends with me, w/the overtures coming from them, I'm honestly not sure how I would respond. There's probably a very good chance inertia would beat out my interest in having friends, and I'd not do much to make starting or maintaining a friendship worth their while. 'Course this all purely hypothetical. Hasn't happened, and I wouldn't bet it ever will.

Of course I want friends. People I can trust and talk to, enjoy being around. I just don't happen to really have any. I have "friends" who I do like more than most but don't really connect with them. They are just there so I don't get too long or singled out as too weird. I've never had somebody who I would call friend because to me friend means more than to most NTs. The closest I have now lives halfway across the world.

My need for soicial contacts has never been high. I am happiest when I am on my own because people scare the living daylights out of me. I don't always understand why people are doing the the things they do and how I am supposed to react to it all. The name 'Wrong planet' is very well chosen because that's how I feel most of the time, like I have landed on an unknown and very alien planet.

Last edited by pokerface on 09 Mar 2012, 10:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

This all depends on the individual.

I like having friends..trouble is I end up getting ostracized by most people...to the extent I am afraid of that happening even with current friends even though there is no reason they'd do that.

Why do you get ostracized? You seem like nice person and I find you picture very endearing.

Not to be a jerk about it, but people don't seem to need a reason to turn their back on someone. That's not what you wanted to hear, but I've learned that people are so unpredictable and irrational, even the strongest of friendships can suddenly fizzle.

Not sure entirely.....I just seem to piss people off and get taken advantage of a lot and I guess some people wish I would just shut up and pretend to be happy even if I'm feeling quite miserable or go away.

Correction: I want people I enjoy being around to be my friends, not the occasional "Hey, how's it goin'? Good. Bye".

It gets old after awhile.

True, humans can be quite irrational creatures.

Could someone please clarify what this 'own world' concept is? And how is it different from NT? Thanks

Nts? I guess they live in their own world if you mean they are often self-obsessed.

Otherwise most seem to have an easy time engaging with the outside world, even the self-obsessed ones, really.

For me it means I have so much going on inside that when people talk to me I have to try so hard to detach from what's going on in my head that I don't understand people most of the time.

It's almost like living inside of a tv show o_O

Another thing is that it's so sad that NT's think we don't have empathy while they are the ones who are scared of everyone that's a little different from them. And what's even sadder is that the average NT converts that fear into agression, bullying and shunning.

So who are the ones with a lack of empathy here. NT's or people with autism?