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Why add more meanings onto what I say?

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bumble
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29 Mar 2012, 12:40 am

dizzywater wrote:
TechnoDog wrote:
Would help if you gave an example



But my attempts to be tactful don't work. Like I say "I don't think its a good idea to put the ice out in a bowl, it just melts, I think its better to leave it in the freezer". This was after her repeatedly doing this for several days meaning no-one else could get ice for their drinks.

She was moody after that for a week before telling me what a b***h I was, how I always think I'm right, always making her look stupid and of course the ice melts, did I not think she knew that already? So I was only trying to embarrass her. In actual fact I was only trying to have ice in my drink, but she won't believe that. She won't believe that I didn't know why she was upset that week either.

I could bore you with other examples but won't cos I'm too fed up about her and couldn't be bothered.

My tactic is minimizing speaking to her now, does any other (more friendly) tactic work? Or is it just inevitable unless I explain everything for half an hour so she doesn't get the wrong idea. I am trying not to cut people out of my life, but sometimes they are impossible!

I still think she's bonkers.


If she knows the ice will melt why does she leave it out? Does she not care if anyone else has ice in their drink?



dizzywater
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29 Mar 2012, 5:09 pm

^^ I know, ice melts, hardly rocket science, but she did stop doing it :wink:



Last edited by dizzywater on 29 Mar 2012, 5:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

dizzywater
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29 Mar 2012, 5:13 pm

Jtuk wrote:
I suspect what's going on, is that you don't talk to her much and when you do it's pointing out her mistakes (such as the ice).


Thanks for all the comments, both funny and enlightening, I highlighted the above quote because I think for me this hits the nail right on the head (ouch).

That is most likely exactly what I do, I hadn't thought of it in that context, but I have thought of it in work when I feel I can't ask for something because it would be too isolated if I haven't spoken for an hour before it, people take it as very sharp.

I speak when I've something to say, not just for the sake of saying something (I actually sometimes forget other people are about if I'm doing something). And when I do have something to say I don't say something other than what I mean!

I feel better to know i'm not the only one who finds the misunderstanding of this frustrating.

If i don't speak for an hour that doesn't mean i am upset, but i can see if she assumes this, then it colours what I do say next (for her anyway). I just thought she knew me better than that.

Can't text her cos that would give her cancer, like i said the delusional bonkers option isn't out of the question.



GivePeaceAChance
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14 Feb 2014, 4:53 pm

TechnoDog wrote:
Would help if you gave an example like:-

Q "Does my bum look big in this".

( Technodog starts running, any answer is the wrong answer, or spontaneously becomes blind & deaf. )

A "No, your bum does not look big in it". 8O
A "Yes, if it was any bigger, it would have its own gravitational field". 8O


men never get this one right

womyn are not asking is my rear end big? You want your girlfriend to make you look good, she is used as your arm candy, mirrors don't work for us after a lifetime of shaming and being messed up by the media. SO we need outside opinion - are the clothes looking right, is the fit right does it mess up, does my panty line show, there is a who list of questions here that says is this setup going to embarrass either you or me if I go out in it?

most of the codes that are spoken in are due to societies programmed behaviors.


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KingdomOfRats
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14 Feb 2014, 5:39 pm

funnily enough [well its funny in a unbelievable way], have always had this problem and recently had a major row with sister [all one sided] because she took something innocent and non offensive had wrote about the niece of mine to mean something completely offensive....wtf,why woud do that when she is the beloved niece of mine?
we had a major fall out and was suicidal over the absolute vicious crap she posted on fb,have never seen her behave like this,told her the effect of her behavior and she apologised,but we havent spoken since-thats a few weeks ago,am afraid to say anything to her because of the low mood have suffered since and have also customised the facebook feed so she doesnt see new posts on the timeline of mine, at least if nothing is to her satisfaction she cant rage.
am certain she has post natal depression,the whole family have thought that, no excuse though for the viciousness she posted with.


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yellowtamarin
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14 Feb 2014, 8:12 pm

EXPECIALLY wrote:
I don't have a lot of social trouble with men, it's always other women.

I've actually had trouble with a man I was dating. He was so used to having to "interpret" what women say that he just couldn't take what I said at face value. He frequently misunderstood what I meant, because he'd think up what I must really mean, rather than just listening to the words I was saying.

So even people who appreciate straight-forward speech (generally, men) can have trouble dealing with it (from women).