How to deal with abusive Aspergers father

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Yeah, that's a good point... *sigh* I wish it didn't happen, but it does. On the other hand, the man's a war vet, so if the PTSD comes from anywhere it's probably from being a war vet...

His autism has nothing to do with his abusiveness. I'm an autistic girl who had an NT stepfather who acted pretty much exactly like that, except that he claimed to be Christian on top of it and accused me of being a... er, promiscuous person. (I'm an asexual virgin, so this is about the most patently untrue insult that could ever be leveled against me.) Then he blamed the abuse on me being such a horrible rebellious child. (My worst rebellion consisted of things like sneaking chocolate out of the cupboard, or reading under the bedcovers with a flashlight at night.)

I'd be willing to bet that your father's been hurt by religious people in the past and is now freaking out about you investigating religion. I don't know what exactly that might have been; I do know that there are religious fundamentalists and extremists of all sorts who I'd advise you to stay well away from. It's always the fanatics and bigots who claim that God supports their unique little brand of hatred. Stay away from that crap, whatever else you do. I'm pretty religious and I've found myself more than once apologizing for what supposed Christians do. If he believes that they're all like those extremists, then he may be worried you'll come home spouting Bible verses, bashing gays, bombing abortion clinics, and generally being a nasty person.

You're fifteen years old--I remember when I was fifteen, I thought that eighteen was a long, long time away and I could never get out of my house. But I did. I survived it. You didn't mention any physical or sexual abuse and usually that's what would trigger police involvement, so you're pretty much stuck there. But it's possible to survive. I got out a year early by going to college early; I don't know if that's an option for you. My little sister got out by going to live with our aunt at the age of sixteen. There are ways to get away from abusive parents even when the law won't put them in jail for it.

As far as religion goes: Well, obviously, from my perspective, I'd encourage you to keep researching it. You don't have to go to a church to learn about God. Recently, I've been unable to go to any church at all; I'm a college student without a car, and the only church services I have access to, I recently stopped going to because they started talking about how being gay is a sin (it is NOT--Jewish ceremonial law, which is what that part of the Old Testament is, also forbade tattoos and quarantined menstruating women; it was a health code not a moral law)... I just couldn't keep going after that. God doesn't just make people gay and then decide to hate them for it.

Uhm, so, yeah, anyway, my point is, you don't have to go to church to learn about God. There's stuff on the Internet, for one thing, from online devotionals and Bibles to forums and Q&A web sites. And you probably have at least a few friends who are religious (for themselves, not because their parents drag them to church). I can't get to a church, and until I can, I'll follow God on my own. It's harder this way, without support from people who believe what I do, but church isn't a prerequisite. Sometimes you can even get really complacent and feel like going to church makes you religious, when in reality it only makes you a churchgoer. Religion is about what you believe and what you do, and what you follow when you make your decisions. There are places in the world where religious freedom is illegal, and where people have to gather in secret--or can't gather at all--if they happen to believe something the government isn't okay with. If they can manage that with the whole country bearing down on them, then I guess you can with your dad. It's not ideal, but... well, you won't be a teen forever.

I really hate it that you have to go through this. I've been there, and it's no picnic to have parents who should be protecting and nurturing you abusing you instead. What he's doing is wrong, and would be wrong whether he were for religion or against it, and would be wrong no matter what you had done. Whether this is something about his having been hurt in the past, or whether it's just his wanting to dominate as many abusive parents do, his behavior is unacceptable. Even the atheists around here are going to agree with that. To a large degree it's probably not even a religious issue: It's more of an "I want to assert my control over my child" issue. If it hadn't been religion, it would probably be something else, like your dating somebody he didn't approve of or your wanting to go to a college he didn't approve of.

You didn't do anything to deserve this. Your father's decision to abuse you is his own--autism doesn't make him do it; it's a free choice, and it's the wrong choice for him to make.

Do you have a trusted adult other than your father--a relative, a teacher?--that you can talk to about this? You shouldn't have to be alone. Ideally, getting him into some anger management classes would be a good thing; but at the very least you can have somebody to talk to. I know NTs need social support to a good degree and it'd be even worse for you to have to do this alone than it was for me as an autistic teen.

Just hang in there, okay? I survived this kind of situation. So can you.

I noticed that too. Maybe both are true?

Is this what autism does? Im so lost in all of this, I cant understand it...
Anyway, thanks for reading. Any and all advice is appreciated.

It's part of the problem. Autistic and ASD people have zero empathy and have trouble conceiving that other people have different feelings and opinions. Even as an adult, I still get rebuked for being rude an inconsiderate, despite lots of therapy and self-reflection. I still make my mother cry every now and then due to some insensitive thing I said or some important task I did or didn't do (moving out of the house and limiting contact to short, polite visits is the best thing I've done for our relationship). I regret doing this, but I do not have the intuitive knack for social grace that neurotypicals have, and I cannot self-monitor myself constantly. Your father insults you and rambles because that's all he knows - he doesn't have the awareness needed for gentle persuasion. I have this problem too (though I know to back off before throwing insulting names).