Not knowing how to react when opening a gift
ThatKidInTheCorner
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: 31 Mar 2012
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 32
Location: CANDYLAND.
I hate it. When giving gifts there is all of the stress of trying to find something worth giving and half the time ending up buying a 'default' gifts such as chocolate as you haven't got a clue what they would like. With receiving there is the fakery of trying to appear pleased when you receive something that you have no interest in. 'Thank you for this nice chocolate and sweet assortment' (great - I need to visit the dentist again).
I'm not very good at faking it so Christmas can be interesting. Generally the family get-together is pretty small with about 5 of us. I'm fairly obviously not that interested in presents and my nephew (who has AS) very obviously wants to get back to his computer...
_________________
I stopped fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now.
rabbitears
Veteran
Joined: 18 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,398
Location: In a box of chocolate milk mix.
I don't like being put under pressure at times like Christmas and my birthday. It's like I have to meet expectations all the time, and it makes me nervous, and I'm always worrying about my reactions.
_________________
Parasaurolophus, Plesiosaurs, Dinosaurs, Pterosaurs, Music, Tuna, Chocolate milk, Oreos, Blue things
Parasaurolophuscolobus. Parasaurcolobus. Colobusaurolophus.
....And Nunchucks are my friends.
Yes, I have a bit of a problem with opening gifts. People who know me are always worried that I wont like the gift they give me because I don't react the same way that most people do. I usually open it and exaggerate my reaction. I say something like, "Oh wow" "I really wanted this" or "This is just what I needed" and I give a fast smile and say thanks, maybe give the person a hug if I'm in a really good mood. I go through this process whether I like the gift or not. I don't take compliments about myself that easily either, I usually don't know what to say.
This is why i just ask for money
a simple "thanks" is enough appreciation and i can go shopping alone to buy what i really want.
I also hate when people sing happy birthday to me.it hurt my ears and was always akward, like do you sit there and smile? Do u sing along? When i was little i wouldnt let any one sing it to me and i would have a meltdown if they did. I still dont let ppl sing it to me,but i dont have meltdowns about it if they do.
_________________
--
I am a 14 year old girl.
I have synesthesia.
aspie quiz results: 172/200
I am suspected to have aspergers, but I'm not diagnosed.
Remember that gifts are a form of social communication--a ritual meant to strengthen social bonds.
When someone gives you a gift, it's because they're following that ritual, to strengthen the connection between you. So, the communication you are receiving is something along the lines of, "I feel connected to you," in some way. It could be a matter of being in the same social group (a family, a class, a team at work), romance, or friendship; or it could be a way of strengthening social connections during a time of transition (a wedding, a funeral, a move, or a new family member).
So what you're thanking them for isn't truly the object, but their attempt to confirm that you and they are connected. You can sincerely thank people even for something you don't want and won't use, because the fact that they got you the gift is the real communication--not their creativity or extravagance in getting the gift itself. (Sometimes the gift can communicate something, too. For example, if someone gives you the video game you've been wanting, the message is "I want you to enjoy this thing." Or, if my mom gives me a package of granola bars, her message is, "I want to take care of you." Things like that.) But you can say, "Thank you, this is so nice of you," without feeling like you are lying, even when you don't like the gift, because you can still appreciate the message behind the gift.
In other words: "It's the thought that counts."
_________________
Reports from a Resident Alien:
http://chaoticidealism.livejournal.com
Autism Memorial:
http://autism-memorial.livejournal.com
When someone gives you a gift, it's because they're following that ritual, to strengthen the connection between you. So, the communication you are receiving is something along the lines of, "I feel connected to you," in some way. It could be a matter of being in the same social group (a family, a class, a team at work), romance, or friendship; or it could be a way of strengthening social connections during a time of transition (a wedding, a funeral, a move, or a new family member).
So what you're thanking them for isn't truly the object, but their attempt to confirm that you and they are connected. You can sincerely thank people even for something you don't want and won't use, because the fact that they got you the gift is the real communication--not their creativity or extravagance in getting the gift itself. (Sometimes the gift can communicate something, too. For example, if someone gives you the video game you've been wanting, the message is "I want you to enjoy this thing." Or, if my mom gives me a package of granola bars, her message is, "I want to take care of you." Things like that.) But you can say, "Thank you, this is so nice of you," without feeling like you are lying, even when you don't like the gift, because you can still appreciate the message behind the gift.
In other words: "It's the thought that counts."
I understand all this, in fact, it's the whole problem. When I was a young kid, I could just get excited over the gift, as kids do. That part of what the OP describes, his experience as a child, I don't relate to.
It's his experience as an adult, that I relate to. I have a difficult time with being personally acknowledged or acknowledging others personally. At least, in a verbal way. I express that sort of thing in other ways if given the choice, just doing things I know they'll appreciate or what have you. And then feel embarrassed when they acknowledge it!
Oh well. We do our best. C'est la vie. I'm not too worried about it because most people who get to know me don't seem to have too much trouble understanding.
