Are some people being coddled too much?

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I am pretty sure and my husband would probably agree that I coddle my son but on the other hand I probably coddle my daughter a little too, I think it's my nature. It's a fine line, I feel like I would rather coddle him and let him know that I am on his side than to let him struggle and feel overwhelmed to a point that he suffers anxiety and depression (w.hich he is prone to) - it's a tough call, perhaps as he gets older I will loosen the reigns a little - doubtful though..

I can't organize myself to brush my teeth, and I need my mother to do it all for me. All I have is "Asperger's" officially (OCD too, but that's nothing to do with it). There's a zillion more things that I can't do.

So f**k you and anyone else who thinks that's being coddled.

I think people have a tendency to try and find ways to explain their relative level of functioning in terms of personal merit (their own or sometimes someone else's). By explaining things in terms of "coddling," it's easy to rationalize being able to function in certain ways as due to "doing something right" as opposed to "that's how you're constituted."

I find people love to do this with upbringing and intellect, and I question the accuracy of such assumptions overall as I tested with a genius IQ and I was not coddled as a child, but I tend to have severe problems in multiple areas of life - which is to say either my experiences are not consistent with what others describe, or that for some reason I am unable to interpret my life experiences in such a manner as to see the benefits these bring me strictly in the context of my impairments. I can definitely see benefits in other ways, but I don't see how they mitigate my problems.

Or maybe it's a kind of distancing tactic, sort of like "There but for the grace of God go I." Or maybe really do find such things beneficial and make them more functional. I don't know, I only know my own experiences.

I guess you missed this:

For the majority of children with an early diagnosis it's not so much that they're actively coddled, I think, but that they're unintentionally encouraged to accept their many challenges as rigid life-long limits to their abilities combined with the expectations that because autistic people supposedly improve very little throughout their lives, they won't have more meaningful skills in 10-15 years than the skills that they have now.

This prominent assumption that autistic people including people with "mild" AS cannot and will not improve much throughout the years and that others and I who do "improve" (meaning, not becoming less autistic but learning to do things and figuring out how to get suitable support to join in on life) are special exceptions is puzzling me. Autistic people learn too - if they get the chance to.

I bet this idea about autistic people in general is just like that ancient and ridiculous assumption from some 25 years ago that people with Down's syndrome almost all can't learn simple academics and that they will not learn a good number of self-help skills but will 24/7 care in an institution until they die.

No surprise there, comparing the support of people with Down's syndrome and/or intellectual disability nowadays (which is still not enough and often ends in adulthood similar as support for autistic people does too) with the lack of basic support and understanding years ago, it makes sense that back then, people figured that people with Down's syndrome can hardly learn to do anything - however learn to do things when you're not taught about them in a way that suits you, your intelligence, abilities and learning style?

It might be the same with ASDs now. Because, really, in those past 4 years all the autistic kids I met and heard about improved so much.

Sure, for some kids that improvement is that they react and join in on a simple rhythmic game (because apparently, I'm not the only one who think rhythmic games are awesome) upon that someone has finally figured out how to communicate with them on this very basic level, but in my opinion that is still such a huge improvement over before when there was no reaction therapists and parents understood and when nobody had the knowledge necessary to try to communicate with the autistic person in a way that suits them and works with their autistic impairments.

Well my mom was over-protective, but uhh she wasn't exactly easy on me verbally....I mean she's part of why I was always so anxious because I was constantly worrying about what she would think if I did anything slightly against a rule or anything like that. I mean it annoyed my cousins and siblings, because I was always the one saying 'well what if she finds out.' 'what if we get caught.' 'come on we can't do that.' but yeah I don't think it was healthy. No one should worry that excessively about that, and luckily Ive been able to get much better with that. But even at the age of 22 I'm still afraid to talk to her about a lot of things I think she would get mad about.

And yeah she made a lot of criticizms, and said plenty of hurtful things wether it was her intention or not...and I don't even know if she even remembers any of this, because now she tries to act understanding and stuff.

OliveOilMom,

I don't see anything about "coddled" in the OP.

"Coddle" itself is something that can affect anyone; attributing cognitive impairments with "coddling" is erroneous, which I see in the original post.

Crossing the road can be hard for people with ASDs (downright dangerous too in some cases)
Taking care of one's hygiene is another thing that's hard for those with an ASD (see: Attwood for example)

"Coddling" is: hey mummy, I want to ride a bike. Mummy doesn't let her child ride one because she fears he or she will hurt themselves, even though all of the child's peers ride bikes.

I think there are some people that think I'm coddled because I live at home and don't work. Some of them tell my mother that she should "make" me get a job and if I don't she should kick me out. I'm just lucky that my mother doesn't listen to these people.

Ugh, my mother was like this. Never let me outside unsupervised for even a second because I would run off or get kidnapped or something, never let me online for more than a few minutes because bad people would hurt me and I wouldnt realize, wouldnt let me cut my food because I might slip and cut myself... That was probably a major contributing factor to a lot of my messedupness... When I moved in with my dad he tried to be like this, but fortunately I was more successful in stopping that, so it didnt go on for long.