suicide

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I attempted suicide in the past...

It's funny how Asperger's is a mix between total joy and total despair...

Even this week I was feeling depressed...

Everybody gets over depression... even me...

Stop feeling so hopeless and look around, many Aspie males do not have relationships or a girlfriend until way late in life, and its not because they do not want one, yes it hurts, but do you have any idea how many male Aspies would give just about anything just for but a moment of that time just to know what its like, to know what its like to not be alone seemingly forever? esp when we focus so much on things that it really hurts deeply with us, what does not kill you makes you stronger, remember that.... I know being bi-polar does not help, the ups and downs and the confusion, my ex-wife was a rapid bi-polar and I lived with her for almost 15 years, you just have to keep on the meds, or if you want to go natural you can try skullcap or saint johns wart, what may also help is meditation, much of the problems with the highs and the lows is the conflict in the way of thinking and feeling, try to smooth the thoughts out so they regulate/agree even with your highs and lows, i know its not a easy thing to do. I know bi-polar is an hyper-focus of emotions in its self and being Aspie even makes that more so, but think of it this way, you find something that you like there is nothing you cant accomplish, and your true and honest feelings are not shallow but honestly deep. hehe.

I used to be a heavily manic depressive and felt like suicide much of my life, what held me back though was in my youth i meditated and focused on the thought of death and confronted it as much as a 9 year old could at the time, I had a vision, a vision of oblivion, and found that in my self that most anything would be better then oblivion....
other things that helped me (but I wouldn't advise it) is I focused on something that took ALL my concentration and interest, for me it was explosives (thats why I got damn good at it, didn't want to lose a finger or hand) it kept my depression at bay for a good long while, other times I took to the road, having to survive and face life was enough of a challenge for me to snap me out of some of my worst times, but also gave me many more worst of times to deal with.........

But what I found helped me the most was simply MEDS, when I got on meds for a few short year's it gave my head time to clear enough to realize a few things and different ways of feeling and thinking about life and my self, to focus more on the good things and positive thinking and what direction I really needed to take my life, my life is not the grandest but at least now I have some kind of direction, once I had hit this point in my life I started finding the relationships I needed and eventually the girl that was right for me. no this does not mean I don't get depressed any more, far from it, My depression is medical imbalances, but I got them under control much of the time any more with meditation and if needed medications.

You cant depend on others to hold you up, hell, I been told to just crawl off and die before and good riddance, it pissed me off enough to realize a few things, one of them being their no better then I am and I have just as much rights to life as they did, good or bad. in other words tell your self your worth it, as if you are your own child you are raising, and go for it, make your life right.

you see, every thing and person and time has a season, whats the hurry to die? there is always tomarrow....

your young yet, give it time, focus more on what YOU want your life to be, as in a job, a home, the kind of things YOU want out of life, never mind the partner you want someday, for you see, when you build what you want and the right girl comes along, she will like what she sees in you and your tastes, and she will come to you.... give it time, build your nest egg, grab control of YOUR mind, don't let it control you, be at peace and be happy.

as for that girl, if she is not wanting you then perhaps she was not the right one for you after all, don't worry on it, build your life into who and what you are and want to be, just go for it. give it a try.

Good news: One poped up!
Bad news: Its a post about suicide.

Well, most importantly, tell your pdoc! If you have lots of breakthrough episodes, it might be time to play with your medications. And if you are in the middle of playing with them, its always good to ask what to use as a backup in case something happens.

There's a book: New Harbinger is the publisher. Big white oversized thing. title is something like "dealing with depression and mania" I think it has a really good section on coming up with contingency plans. Where do you go for support? Who do you talk to? If you're feeling suicidal, who do you tell? What if it isn't full-blown? Planning made me feel much more secure. If I couldn't control my moods, I could at least control what hospital I went to.

AS, etc. as the problem: Maybe, maybe not. Tell us more?

Offend someone that you asked for support/mentioned suicide? If so, then they really don't understand. And probably aren't bothering to read this.

Anyone wanting more information can join the chatroom and talk to me.

Hi Justin. I just want you to know that I've been there and made it through to the other side. I was suicidal from around age 10 through to age 27 and even tried a few times but either couldn't do it (I'm afraid of physical pain) or was rescued.
I had my first friend at age 13, my first date at 16, my first intimate friend at 25, and only found a real partner at 32. It may seem like it takes forever to find the right person, but once you do then you won't have to worry about it any more.
I also worked at minimum wage (or below) until I was 27 and that put a lot of pressure on me. Then one day I stumbled into my calling and found an employer that recognized I had a skills that were not only employable but actually quite valuable. Getting that first pay lifted a *huge* weight from my shoulder because I knew for the very first time that I wasn't going to have to live at home or in subsidized housing for the rest of my life. That was almost 13 years ago, and although my life isn't perfect it's far better than I ever thought it would be back when I was looking for an easy way out.
People used to tell me to "cheer up". It didn't work for me then and I'm not going to say it to you now. I'll say "hold on". If you can just force yourself to wake up every morning, eventually you'll find a solution.

Hey Justin,

I don't know about manic depression, but I've had depression for years now and I know it's not going away and it's something I'll have to deal with for a very long time. I've thought about suicide, but the idea honestly scares me so much that I can't get farther than "I wish I weren't here anymore." Anyway, one thing that keeps me going is to just remember there's tomorrow and if I can just make it to tomorrow I might have a good conversation with someone, meet someone new, heck, even make a good grade on a test and that'll boost me through the next rough time. It just takes the endurance to go through each day, and if there's one thing I've found I have, it's endurance.

The other thing that helped me was when, on refusing a friend's umpteenth suggestion to take medication (I'm just saying I don't like medication. I know other people have found it very good) she told me to "just go kill (myself)". It pissed me off so much that I decided to throw any thought of suicide away just so I could prove her wrong, that I could make it without meds.

Anyway, I'm thinking of you. You can see there are many of us who've been there and know what you're going through and have come out (or are working on coming out) on the other side. Please keep us updated on how you're doing.

jman - don't kill yourself yet - try all the things that all these smart people have suggested . . . I take a whole calvalcade of medications and they do help . . .

I do want to agree with whoever said that the statement 'Sucide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem' is annoying . . .
I have been bipolar all my life and have been through several bouts of very severe depression - after you go through that a few times you realize that you are NOT dealing with a temporary problem and this platitute makes me frankly angry . . .
I get VERY frustrated with that and 'tommorrow is another day' - when you have problems thinking about the next minute none of this helps . . .

Just my rant for the day . . .

I was just thinking further about what I said and, esentially, what I hear in the 'suicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem' is sort of like saying 'if you try really hard you can cure yourself of cancer' or 'the reason you take meds for diabetes is because you are too stupid to control it with diet' . . . that gives you an idea of what I hear in that statement . . .

I too view that statement with the utmost disdain. For me suicide is indeed a "permanent solution to a temporary problem" - the "temporary problem" in question being life itself...... This is where my pitiful lack of any kind of empathy comes into play yet again no doubt, but I always struggle to offer words of comfort to the suicidal, as I spend most of my time wanting to be dead - I would have ended it all long ago if not for basic cowardice...... At the end of the day though, not everyone's plight is as self-pityingly hopeless as mine, and there can easily be light at the end of the tunnel..... Sorry, I'm really not good at all at this touchy-feely kind of stuff (which is why I rarely attempt to post it), so I'll quit now.....

Justin you need to talk to your dr and get your meds sorted out- if one made you gain weight see if you can try something else. Its true that life really does suck sometimes and unfortunately the times it sucks seem to come all at once.

You can get through this and life won't always be so hard.


Just a note about St John's wort- you can't take this with some medication so its worth checking with your Dr before you do.

i used ta be like dat, but i just got over it by thinking, "I aint gonna let these bastar*s get to me, im gonna beat em at their own game."
people are as*holes, thats just the way it is. Im young, if ya told me 2 years ago that i would be doing this good, id think your nuts. i cant imagine how good ill be doing 5 years from now. Maybe ill meet a nice girl, get rich and retire young, i couldn't tell ya whats in store for me. 2 years ago, i tried to kill myself. When i got out of a 2 day coma, i got up, brushed myself off and said, "Im gonna make up for lost time. Im goin back to school, quitting my my dead end job and things are goin to get better." Thats what i did and things are good for me now. Iam leaving the people that got me down in the dust.
A

hmmm....
there are still a lot of british english terms iam aware of.(?)