Do you ever doubt you have AS?

Post Reply New Topic

I don't have all of the typical traits of Asperger's, but there is no doubt in my mind that I'm somewhere on the spectrum. The exact word it's labeled with is irrelevant.

I often doubt my AS but then I do something 10 minutes later that removes all doubt.

All the time, I'm not diagnosed so ...

I just keep getting hit over the head with all this stuff around here though, it never stops, sometimes stuff I didn't even realize I was doing wrong or was a problem. How's that for irony, learning how society operates in ways that weren't even on my radar, from people just as clueless as me, when I've been around people who understood it perfectly well for almost 40 years

I occasionally have anxiety that I'm manufacturing all of my difficulties and there's really nothing diagnosable about me.

But it's harder and harder for that particular thought to take hold because I know more about myself.

Me too Miss Kitty.

I don't give a %^&& about anything so no never have any doubts.

That and I am very well liked by animals so much so again and again animals that are 'aggressive" to strangers I have them eating out of the palm of my hands.

Are all animals aspie or just cats ?

Yes. When I first heard of AS I thought "I'm just introverted and geeky" and sometimes I still have doubts about that. There is no single trait that I can point to and say "this definitely makes me an Aspie". But the combination of all of them, along with my childhood memories, is enough to convince me that for all practical intents and purposes it's very likely I have AS.

At least it's not just me.

I have good days and bad days. On a bad day even a first year psych student could see the common ASD signs in my behavior. On a good day my daily difficulties don't seem to be any hindrance at all.

I've had a lot of doubts of my AS status even well before my diagnosis. I think I have too many combinations of problems that aren't seen in Aspergers. My IQ isn't high, even though I was tested with a higher verbal than performance IQ. I don't do well often on standardized tests either. My reading comprehension has been low. I babble incoherently sometimes, and can't phrase things well. My memory isn't really that great either. Sometimes there are only some aspects of things I can remember long term. I think I can't organize different parts of memories in order to recall them together. I often need to see things again to be reminded of what I recognize seeing before. I basically screw up all kinds of things, even simple ones.

I had heard of Aspergers and started to think I had it, at a time in my life right after I had unsuccessfully attempted to interact with others more and have friends. I wonder if that clouded my thinking. But even early on, I felt I haven't been like many of the aspies I heard of. I often wonder if a lot of my flat affect, monotone voice, and reclusive behavior, is due to my choice to avoid others, as I haven't wanted to get too involved with them or for them to know me, as I don't think it would work out and as I loathe my impairments getting involved in all aspects of my life. I mean like, when I'm alone, sometimes I talk to myself, saying all kinds of stuff, and I don't think I seem all that different from the ordinary person during those times, and I seem to myself at least very expressive. I even observe conversations and kinda imagine what kind of stuff I would say if I was in them. I tend to talk a lot in chat rooms, running my mouth, although I get confused in there, unable to keep up with so many chatters. I still have a lot of sensory anomalies though. But mine are further toward sensory seeking behaviors, although there are still a handful of sensations I detest.

Yeah, I'm like you in this regard. I learned about AS when I was in college. Actually, I can tell you exactly where I was when I first learned about it: Spring 2006--I was sitting in the corner of a classroom for a class I wasn't paying much attention to. I was able to identify with a lot of the traits then, but I kind of dismissed it.

A few things in the last couple years made me re-think this, though:
-One particular instance of sensory overload made me think, "I wonder if this is what it's like to be Autistic."
-My boss told me that a coworker had wondered if I was a little Autistic.
-I caught myself rocking while reading up on a special interest one night a couple months ago.

I don't have every trait associated with AS, but AS is the first thing I've seen that accounts for so many of my traits and personality quirks.

aussiebloke,

I'm the opposite to you there. Most animals try to attack me.

I guess I give off some odd body language or something.

Well, I DID try for a time to live like I didn't have AS at all and drop the label. However, as my psychology professor pointed out, AS is a part of me just as much as the glasses I wear on my face. I really didn't grasp that analogy until now, two years after I have graduated from college.

It makes no sense to even think that with all of the empirical observations and evidence I have at my disposal, especially those made by other people, and yet my brain loves running off with worst case scenarios, and not having any real disabilities that explain why I fail at everything is a worst case scenario for me, I guess. Knowing I have explanations for everything is one of my bulwarks against clinical depression, and it's often inadequate without undermining it.

I doubt it off and on. I do have traits so I never doubt about having them. Most of my aspie issues are in social skills. I also think differently and process things differently. I have been told I think in concrete terms and anything abstract I have difficulties with. I have read posts on here and I see what things are abstract and I think I don't have that problem so I must not be concrete but then at the autism group, someone asked an abstract question about a ball and I had difficulty coming up with an answer. In fact other aspies were able to answer it so that doesn't mean we can't think in abstract terms at all. It's just harder for us is all. I can think in abstract ways too. Doesn't make me not concrete.

I also have anxiety and OCD tenancies so it's hard to tell if what I am doing is AS or the anxiety or OCD. Since the autism definition seems to be changing, I may not be on the spectrum anymore and that would mean I never was. Maybe my OCD makes me have routines and rituals. I do get upset with last minute change and once we plan something spontaneous, I set my mind to it and once it's set, it's hard to undo the change because I then get upset. I then feel we have to do it because it's been planned and I had my mind set to it and I can only be flexible once when a plan happens. Too much change in my routine gives me stress and I want little of it to happen at a time than all at once.

I know the social communication disorder won't explain all my symptoms but I wonder if my anxiety and OCD is mimicing the other autism symptoms. I also wonder if people with OCD get obsessed with topics and want to read about it and spend time with it and they tend to know a lot about it after reading about it?

Back when I was diagnosed, my mother was told anxiety and OCD is part of the autism spectrum. The obsessions and routines which be the OCD and the anxiety the symptoms cause or that the anxiety causes the symptoms making the condition worse. I remember reading online that aspie symptoms get worse when the person with it gets stressed out so I knew then it wasn't wrong when I was told I have more AS when under stress. My husband also has to direct me away from my interests to get me to do something else. I can usually direct myself away from them but sometimes they get so bad he has to do it for me. But yet when it comes to work, I can get myself away and get ready for work and leave.

I was never a typical aspie nor textbook but I do have some typical traits that be so textbook AS and I can think of some moments from my childhood that would be typical AS. Plus I don't have many sensory issues and I have no idea if me touching things or smelling things is OCD or sensory seeking. I was never a little professor and I had friends in my childhood and seeked out friends and I have always talked about other things even though I would still get stuck on things in my head. I was told that was OCD so basically I have had OCD my whole life young as age two and doctors said then it was autism. I still can't tell the different no matter what people say about it. Plus I never had the same obsessions from my childhood like typical aspies. Theirs seem to stay the same. I have an aspie friend who has tons of special interests and obsessions and they are all from his childhood, I dunno if he gets any new ones but the new ones I hear from him are from his childhood and he just decided to share it with me by telling me he is watching youtube videos on highways. He also gets trapped in his routines too and also would like to do something else but it's hard and I was told here that is OCD, not autism. Maybe he has OCD too. He was never told he had it when he was diagnosed. I still had social issues even though I did have friends. I never had a restricted routine in my childhood because as a kid I did what was on my mind. I didn't get up at the same time and do the exact same thing every morning. I just did what I wanted. But I did do restricted play with my toys.

My husband is convinced I am on the spectrum and says he can tell. Even the new DSM won't change it for him. But he isn't a professional so how does he know every single thing I do is autism?

I tried to get myself retested five years ago but I got talked out of it. It was stressful when I went through it the first time.


Plus I have learned on my own without needing a professional to teach me social skills but I was late in learning. I learned through reading and watching TV. Maybe as a kid I was taught some from a teacher but I don't remember. I did have therapy to help with my coordination and sensory issues and my mother said I outgrew dyspraxia and sensory processing disorder. Sometimes I even wonder if I am still on the spectrum.

Sometimes I think I am just introverted and shy and just someone with strong obsessions and who gets anxiety for no reason and maybe just have social anxiety. Not because I have AS. But it all gets blamed on it. Sometimes I wonder if I am just stupid. I try not to think about it and worry about it like I did last time.

You're probably like me. I spent many years trying to convince myself I'm "normal" by doing thing that were unnatural and uncomfortable. I finally just gave up and accepted myself for who I am, but I still fall back into that old pattern of thinking sometimes. When that happens I think about all the research I've done and remember the chaos that was my life of trying to fit in. It's like an alcoholic who hasn't had a drink in years and suddenly gets the idea, "maybe I'm not an alcoholic, 1 drink won't hurt".

I don't know how accurate online tests are, but they all tell me I'm probably on the spectrum, that I've got some mild form of PDD or that I've got Asperger's. Also, I know someone who's a forensic psychologist. She gets to assess children, adolescents and young adults for all kinds of things (including Autism and Asperger's). I told her that I think I might have AS. She said that she had noticed things in me (not making real eye contact, repetitive behaviour, taking jokes literally, some anxiety etc) since the first time she met me. So apparently there's something there.



This.