NTs and Pressure

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Not entirely. What you describe may in fact be what they *think* they're trying to convey. It may even be what they think, in part. However, there is also an implication there that if I say I can't do something, I'm either lying or not capable of determining my capabilities. It's insulting. And it's especially insulting when it's coupled with high estimations of my honesty and my intelligence, because obviously they don't mean that given the way they have finished that very same sentence or paragraph. When a campaign of harassment is added into that, it becomes downright unethical, in my view. It makes any difficulties I might have worse, because I know that people in my life have no real understanding of the situation or of me as a person and don't really wish to -- they'd prefer to stick their heads in the sand and force me to conform to impossible standards (for me) because it makes *them* more comfortable to believe I can. It just adds to my frustration and stress with more frustration and stress, it's like kicking a man with two broken legs while he's down and taunting him because they find it fun to kick and taunt; then justifying it by saying it's for the person's own good, so he'll get up (Even though he has two broken legs and is going to need crutches or whatnot). They may be lying to themselves, but they're not nearly as capable of fooling me as they are of fooling themselves, if that's the case.

One may wonder where the taunting comes in, but here is the thing: I am more aware than anyone of what I will not have in life that is available to almost everyone else. I don't need to be reminded of it, I know it and live with it on a daily basis. It brings me great pain. So, obviously, when people bring it up constantly and additionally claim it's my own fault, that adds to my pain, and is serving no productive purpose. It's another form of taunting, they just don't always necessarily know they're doing it, or believe they're doing it even if it's pointed out, but the effect is exactly the same. I give those people a chance to get it out of their system and patiently explain why I won't be willing to put up with it long-term and exactly what effect it has on me, but if they continue I have to tell them that I may be forced severe the friendship or whathaveyou if they persist indefinitely, and then I eventually do have to do that in a lot of cases. The only reason for me to put up with a torent of unending abuse is where people are absolutely necessary to deal with for my continued well-being and I'll do so only in those very limited circumstances, and then only for the minimum time allotment necessary. Yes, it's a little isolating, but the alternative is to be driven insane (Literally, I think I'd suffer a breakdown if I let dozens of people barrage me indefinitely).

People don't have to agree with my assessment of myself or even the assessment of professionals, and they are free to state their opinions, but at some point they have to be willing to say "Well, I've spoken my piece, and now I'm going to let it drop and not keep bringing it up.". If they can't handle that, after a fair warning, then they should find a new friend or focus on a different family member. I think that's a reasonable stance for me to take. It accepts and acknowledges that people have the right to their opinion, and even to express it to me once or twice, while at the same time acknowledging that I have the right not to be harassed and be made miserable on a continuing basis.

You can recognize someone's intelligence, but at the same time think that they're doing something stupid. At first glance, that sounds contradictory, but let me explain it....

I had a friend as an undergrad who was very intelligent. She was well-read, a good debater, and possessed of a fine intellect. I'm still friends with her, and was maid of honor at her wedding when she finally got together with a decent man and they married.

The men she dated before she got together with her future husband, though... I don't think it's possible for a woman to have made stupider choices. For example, one of them ended up raping her, and was also later discovered to have a collection of child pornography. Another ex of hers killed someone a few years later... the body was left in the trunk of a car, as nearly as anyone can figure it was the result of a drug deal gone horribly wrong. The ex is currently on death row for murder.

It wasn't as if there was no indication of the lack of quality in these men beforehand... they were outright sociopathic, and it was plainly obvious. I wondered if somehow her "people sense" was broken, but then realized... no, every single guy she's attracted to is a dangerous sociopath, and she ignores the decent ones... she can sense the depth of depravity in these guys just fine, and it draws her!

I often wondered if I was going to find her dead one morning.

In spite of her intelligence, she had a lot of emotional "issues" and was extremely self-destructive back then, hence her choice of men. Just because someone is intelligent doesn't mean all their choices are reflective of that intelligence... emotional baggage can sometimes get in the way.



My own curiosity compels me to ask... what are they wanting you to do, exactly?



I sense that in your case, daily nagging would be largely counterproductive... you strike me as the sort of person who only becomes more determined not to do something the more you are nagged to do it. Hehe.

"You can recognize someone's intelligence, but at the same time think that they're doing something stupid"


I love this..

In fact its very often the case, for example I tend to be able to debate topics with calm and sensibility, but then other times I'm a crying, whinging baby.

We all have varying degrees of asynchronous development.

Ah yes, the "I love you BUT"

We're trained to hand out criticism alongside compliments. It's unacceptable to say "What did you do to your hair?" We are trained to say nothing. If asked, we are supposed to say, "Yes, I see you tried a new style. How do you like it?"

Criticism is BAD, anything unkind MUST be balanced by something kind. Right or wrong, that's what we've been taught.

My 10-y-o Aspie gets the "I love you BUT" from me when I want him to learn. It hurts to see him being the weird kid. So, I try to teach him that certain behaviors are just not acceptable out there or at certain times.

It's great that he's interested in "The Lord of the Rings" and wants to play act some of the books. But, pretending to ride down the middle of the street with banners and swords waving while riding with the Rohiriim AND delivering papers to customers is just not how it's done. I love him, but he needs to learn to deliver the papers here on Earth and then, when finished, he can ride into Middle Earth when we're finished.

I don't mean to harrass him, I just want him to learn so he can one day live independently and learn some of the social code that will help him become successful. I know how intelligent he is, but he can't just walk into the store and interrupt his dad and a customer with his new-found knowledge. He's got to learn to wait until dad has completed the transaction with the customer.

On the "can't do something" - we've also been taught there's no such word as "can't." It's the pioneer spirit and all that - of course we can do it! We just have to try harder. Again, right or wrong, but the word "can't" equals failure.

Your parents may be mean and manipulative, but they don't want you to fail. They don't want to give up on you and they don't want you to give up on yourself.

We've been trained with many conflicting social codes. I never questioned them until my son started experiencing something like what you're describing. I can see how hard it is for him now, but I've been trained in this way for too many years so I have to keep stopping and thinking about how to help him learn.

Sometimes it's almost like talking to someone who speaks a completely different language. I'm trying to learn his language while also teaching him ours.

I suppose that's true, but oftentimes in the cases I'm alluding to, I have come to a conclusion about an objective subject over the course of years. I'll elaborate a bit below.



It's oftentimes a wide variety of things, ranging from small to major. There's a basic worldview differential there, not just between autistic and non-autistic, which is and in itself significant, but also on basic subjects like the extent to which diversity can be of value, the right of self-determination, and so forth. Basically, I'm a liberal Democrat and they're very old-line Roman Catholics -- not the friendly Jesuits down the street, more like inquisition era -- who seem to almost believe George W. Bush is the second coming of Christ. Not that I mind people disagreeing with me politically or religiously, I have some very conservative religious friends, for example, but it can create conflict when someone's values inform their worldview and lead them to false conclusions about me, which they then try to shove down my throat and force me to accept.

One specific things that irritates me most is this: I'm disabled several times over. I have various physical problems (Which I won't go into in detail, so as not to turn this post into a novella. ), one of them almost killed me when I was eighteen, in fact, though that's not nearly as bad now. In addition, I recently was diagnosed as autistic. Then, on top of it, I have some neurological issues stemming from an extended fever I had at age eighteen relating to inability to process and retain memory to the extent most folks can. On top of that, one can throw in a lot of minor issues and some stuff that's yet to be diagnosed that's being looked into. It's obvious that I can't really work. I've had at least one professional tell me that even were I to take a large group of medications, I'll probably *never* be able to sustain employment.

However, my parents refuse to accept that or even shut up about how I should do, this, or that, or the other and how I could obviously work full-time if I "tried". It stems from two very basic (albeit probably subconcious) values they hold, which are that anyone can be productive if they try and that the measure of human value is directly tied to productivity. Literally, I think if they met a quadroplegic deaf-mute, they'd want him to chop wood by holding an axe in his teeth.

It's made worse by the fact that the disabilities I have are "invisible", which is to say I am not crippled or missing an arm or something like that. And I tend to grit my teeth through pain and don't do that "Owww, holy s**t, all of my joints hurt, I'm dyyyyinnng" and clutch things constantly act that some people like to do. I try to be stoic and only show pain when it is absolutely impossible not to, while avoiding overexerting myself in the presence of others when I can manage. You know, typical male behavior. So, I look normal. I can even do a lot of normal things. But I can't work full-time. The best I could ever do post-health problems was part-time employment that was 15 hours a week and barely paid anything at all, with a lot of special accomodations that were only made because I got the job through family connections (I had to give up that job after 3 years to move, not that $90 a week did me much good anyhow!).

I'm intelligent enough that I think after more than five years of searching for possibilities and trying different things, I understand the situation fairly well. And, obviously, it's not that I don't want to work. I've almost been homeless several times, I've been in a lot of situations I didn't like and that were (to say the very least) suboptimal. Worst of all, my greatest dream and passion in life is finding a spouse and I know full well that my lack of employment has and probably will be a major barrier to that, perhaps an impassable one (Even by itself, setting aside some other difficulties involved in my search). So, if I could find work I would. It's not that I'm lazy or don't want to, I can't, and I have professionals who agree with that assessment. I don't think there are many people in life who want to be pursuing disability payments that they'd barely survive on and to be scorned by certain people and not being able to find spouses, and so forth, it's just something you do if you have no other choice.

I lost most of the few friends I had very quickly when all this hit. Fortunately, I have a core group or 2-3 today, but there is definitely a prejudice against the disabled in this country that I experienced first hand. I lost some longtime friends and acquaintances who just decided it was their mission in life to batter me with polemetics about my supposed ability to work. Opinions are fine, continual harassment is not. There's definitely a line there that shouldn't be crossed.

The real thing that annoys me is that when people imply that I'm lying about something. I have actually been professionally told that I'm "probably incapable of lying" intentionally/directly. The most I can do, and then only if I try really hard, is to not say information (And I still usually blurt out information I shouldn't) or exagerate very, very slightly. When people think back on it, no one can point to a single instance of me lying. Yet my parents often say that I'm trying to scam people or put some sort of a scheme together because I'm so smart and can put things over on people. Hello, I CAN'T LIE and they can't remember me ever lying. So, really, they're just being jerks.

But the employment thing isn't the only issue. It's constant about a wide variety of issues with some people. So I have to limit who I talk to where I can.



See, you can tell that after reading a few posts. It's pretty bloody obvious. So, why is it that some folks who have known me for years sometimes can't pick up on it?

How bad are your memory problems? You seem intelligent and articulate... would I be correct in assuming that the memory problems you mentioned involve the formation of new memories, rather than the recall of old memories (like when you learned language skills)?

What severity are we talking about, here? If it's not too bad, have you been to college or considered going? It is evident that your verbal IQ is pretty high... even with slight memory problems, it might be an option for you. It would also have several useful side-effects... it would get you away from your parents and their nagging, you would look like you were "doing something with your life", and you might even qualify yourself for a sedentary, sit-on-your-ass type job which would be much easier on you physically. In any case, it'd certainly beat staring at the same four walls every day.



Because they see you as a confirmation or denial of their own worth. It's unfair, but there it is.

I watch World Cup Soccer, and I'm very loyal to Team England, thankyou.

Both my short and long term memories are both in the 1st percentile (i.e. lower than 99% of the population). My visual memory is actually in the 0.1st percentile or below. My problems do seem to most involve mostly newer memories (i.e. since the fever) rather than old, though I can't remember if it was explictly stated that that's the case. I didn't include any mention of it in my notes either way. I still am waiting for the formal written evaluation to arrive in the mail. My psychologist, who was not the one who did the formal testing, tells me that these are likely among the worst results the gentleman who did the testing has ever seen when I shared them with her.



I don't want to get on your case specifically here, but that very question is illustrative of the general reaction I get. People seem to assume it's likely, or at least possible, that, not only have I not thought of extremely obvious possible solutions on my own, but also that no one has has presented extremely obvious possible solutions to me over the course of the over 5-6 years I've had many of these issues (With the physical ones being evident immediately and the non-physical being diagnosed more recently).

For example, with college, what makes people just assume that wasn't one of the first things I thought of? It was, and virtually everyone I've talked to or met has raised the possibility at some point. If I say I've explored all the possibilities and can't sustain employment, I have and I can't. It amazes me that people constantly seem to assume both points are untrue. Again, not getting on your case specifically here, just humanity in general.

With college specifically, several things are evident: -

-With my physical health, I'd need a part-time schedule and wouldn't graduate for many years.

-I may well be incapable of passing subjects in many areas. Despite my aptitude and intelligence in some areas, I have virtually none in others. I got through an entire year of Spanish in high school and only learned one word, which I'm told I mispronounced. I should have learned more through shear osmosis. I am very good at specific areas like history, political science, sociology, and the like. Outside of that range I vary between medicre and unbelieveably inept in terms of formal academic studies.

People find that sort of variance hard to believe, but it's true, and I'd imagine has a lot to do with where I am on the autistic spectrum, probably amongst other things. People have observed talking to me that if I talk about a subject I have a special aptitude for, it's like speaking to a well-educated genius and then when I go to an area I am not, it is like speaking to an idiot. My brain literally feels like it has slowed down and I'm slogging through mud in a lot of areas and I just can't reach for even very simple concepts. You probably won't see it on this forum because I avoid posting about things I can't handle well (In fact, sometimes I read threads or hear things and it looks or sounds like the adult characters in a Peanut strip to me. I have absolutely no idea what they're talking about.). Imagine being half genius and half imbisile and you essentially have me -- as one might imagine, it's incredible frustrating.

- Counterintuitive as it might be, looking at posts like this one (Which by the way has taken me almost two hours, I think. I actually don't remember exactly when I started.), I struggle with lengthy papers. I can get to between 4-8 pages fairly easily and nothing beyond that. I'm not quite sure why. Might be an attention issue. If I were a history major, I'd need to write a senior paper of several hundred pages, in all likelihood.

- I hate, hate, HATE (I can't emphasize that enough) school. Always have, always will. I do not do well with authority figures dealing out arbitrary assignments and grades, or being stuck somewhere where I am supposed to learn about things I don't give a damn about. I struggled throughout my high level education, dropped out of high school at 16, etc. I attended college for a while and stubbornly took almost only history courses. Anyhow, right now there is probably some frontal lobe damage is the speculation, which would be what is impairing my memory, and I am told there are some signs it may be making me more irritated with people than I used to be as well. Trust me, college would not be a good idea, even if that were the only issue.

-After those many years of study, there is no full-time job I would be capable of doing physically and neurologically (Don't recommend jobs please, I have gone through looking into practically everything), meaning a degree would be about as valuable to me as a flyer for a fast food chain. Actually, the flyer would probably have coupons on it, so I'd say that would be more valuable, come to think of it.

I could list another 25 reasons, but I won't. I'm kind of sick of providing everyone a list. Honestly, deep in my heart of hearts, I'm actually, despite some of my harsh rhetoric at times, a nice guy who wants to be patient with people and teach them as slowly as they need so that they can come into understanding, and who wants to understand their point of view. So I almost always do try to explain instead of just telling people it's none of their business or I don't owe them an explanation or something, but I probably shouldn't take that tact for my own well-being. It's something I struggle with. I want to explain, but it's emotionally distressing for me to repeat the same detailed explanations and engage in the same conversation with everyone I ever have contact with.

I've had this conversation 75 zillion times with different people, who then try to pick apart a reason or two as if it is the only reason or I hadn't thought it through and then use it to claim I should go to college or whatever. Usually what they're really picking apart is just the way I phrased something or that I forgot to include more evidence, which really doesn't mean that they're wrong -- it's not a debating competition, folks, it's about my life and the actual circumstances themselves. Plus, because I don't want to have all of these difficulties, I usually subconciously downplay them and it comes off sounding like I am more okay than I am.



That is true. It is 148 (My non-verbal evidences an incredibly large gap versus my verbal, though, so much so that it in and of itself would be evidence of neurological damage). Although, ironically, I can't seem to often actually persuade anyone of anything.



Well, firstly, I don't live with my parents. I do have to rely on them a bit financially, but I basically jumped ship and left across the country last year when I had an opportunity and was nearly homeless several times. I truly would prefer living in a gutter to living with them, if it came down to it, and have essentially made that choice several times over, even though it has never actually come to the gutter. I was pursuaded my a relative to rely on them now because he cut a deal for me that allows an idependent living environment and I was once again an inch away from being homeless at the time. Still, it was a close call. I almost didn't agree to it.

Secondly, they and their nagging can go to hell. I learned long ago that one can't escape those people and their incessant nagging no matter what I do, so long as they're in my life in some capacity. And, you know what? I'm an adult and shouldn't have to deal with it anyway. Life is not a game of "Please the insane parents so they'll stop engaging in the harassment that they shouldn't be engaging in in the first place.". Responding to anything that try to bother me about is like rewarding a small child for throwing a tantrum, it's just going to result in them using the tactic even more about a wider variety of issues in the long-run.

Before you make some sort of negative judgement about me because of this, remember that you don't know them and you haven't specifically known them from my vantage point. I'll give you just one small example. I've always been kind of overweight and every day growing up my mother would comment about how I needed to lose weight and make derogatory remarks. At 17 or 18 before my health problems, I went on a diet to lose weight. My mother promptly started offering me ice cream 24/7 and pushing it in my face when I'd decline vigorously and telling me weight loss was unhealthy, harassing me to stop dieting and gain weight. I've been mostly non-religious and took a lot of crap about that, but dear God, when I explored joining a few different branches of Christianity for a while instead of being an atheist, somehow that was actually worse because it wasn't their particular sect. Added to that, they, and my mother in particular, are chronic liars who believe they have the moral high ground to support their lies (Which is the worst kind of liar.). They're jackasses. And if it makes me a jackass in the eyes of some to not like them much, just because there is a biological tie, so be it.

I'm just wondering at the accuracy of the test on your long-term memory. Proper spelling, grammar, sentence structure, and so on are something most people learn as children, and this resides within the long-term memory... as does most vocabulary, for the same reason.

If you can remember these things so well as to write in this way, I can't help but question whether your long-term memory is truly as damaged as they considered it to be.



As an undergrad, I remember this one girl who could not speak clearly and zipped around in a motorized wheelchair. I had no classes with her... she was a few years behind me in progression and had a different major, to boot. However, through the social grapevine, I knew a few people who did attend class with her. She used a tape recorder to record the lectures instead of taking notes. I haven't the foggiest notion how she completed her papers or assignments, but she somehow did. There was obviously serious impairment there, and it was clear that she'd been for some time... her leg muscles had that atrophied, wasted look which is common in those who have not walked for years.

When I was reading over your statement, I could not help but picture that girl, and wondered if you were even more impaired than she was.



When you talked about getting $90 for working 15 hours a week, I assumed due to the pay scale that this was some sort of manual labor job. Was it? I can see where you'd have serious issues with such a line of employment, given your condition. (Even if you were perfectly fine physically, let's be honest... manual labor jobs suck just in general.) But what specifically would prevent you from doing a sedentary "sit on your ass and shuffle paper or type" sort of job?



Hmm. Are you capable of learning new words in your own language though, or did word acquisition stop completely? You have me curious now.



Oh come on, you can't skid around it on two wheels like that! What other academic topics are difficult for you, other than foreign language studies?



The senior history majors do indeed b***h about this, heh. I think it's more 50-100, not 200+ though.

Is it attentional problems, or is it a very slow typing speed in your case? When I started as a freshman in college, I was typing perhaps 20 WPM, looking at the keys. By the time I graduated with a BA, I was typing 100 WPM and not looking at the keys anymore. It's not something I'm naturally good at, it was developed through sheer dint of use. lol



Being a full-time college student and living on campus is much different than what you may have experienced in your prior education, though. Yes, you need to show up for class, study for exams, and do the assignments... but the vast majority of your time is your own, to do with as you see fit. The only real stipulation on your free time is this... if it's illegal, don't get caught.

The general ed requirements are a pain in the ass.... I didn't like it, and I've yet to meet anyone who did. If you want the degree though, you just have to take them and deal with it. Everyone has to.



Well, of course you're free to tell me to piss off if you want... it wouldn't be the first time I've heard it. It won't be the last either, I daresay. lol



I'm a graduate student in psychology. Not only that, but the odds I will ever meet you face to face are practically nil. I don't think I'm coming from the same general background as your "typical naggers".



Hmm. Your nonverbal scores are really that bad? Even with the most basic ones like this?

Look at the following five lines.

++++O
+++O+
++O++
+O+++
???

... what should the last line (the ??? one) have in it, to complete the pattern?

A. +O+++
B. O++++
C. ++++O
D. ++O++

What would your response be?



Given my own family dynamics, for me to think ill of you for telling your parents off would be blatant hypocrisy on my part. In fact, from what you have described, they are in the habit of denigrating you, in order to feel good about themselves. If anything, I would feel negatively about them in response to that, not you.

I think what the test considered to be long-term memory was ability to acquire new long-term memory. I didn't get the sense that they were testing what I recalled from, say, early childhood and so forth. I think it's mostly moving forward. That's not to say that I have the recall I should of my early years, it seems like I don't, in fact, but I don't think that's what they tested for, so I have no way of knowing exactly how bad that would be.



I think I understand where you're coming from with all this. I don't think it would come as a surprise to you that I've heard it before a million times! Yes, there are plenty of those encouraging stories of hope out there where the guy who had all of his limbs blown off in a war or the death-mute woman from whereever manage to lead happy and productive lives. But why is that we find those stories so amazing, exactly? It's because most people in those situations couldn't do what they did. Those are people who are a cut above 99% the rest of the world in terms of certain things. That doesn't mean the rest of the world can just suck it up and be them and it also doesn't mean the rest of the world is inferior because they can't. In a sense, using an analogy like that is like asking an average person why they can't work hard and dribble a basketball like Michael Jordan, who afterall was cut from his high school team way back when (True story). Not everyone has the same external or internal qualities as those people we consider extraordinary. Doesn't mean we're throw-away people or should be berated for our perceived failings.



That *was* a fairly sedentary secretarial type job. I'm not going to go into this in any great depth, because it's a painful subject and I've had the conversation too many times before (Plus, honestly, since we're not dating or anything, there is really no compelling reason I *have* to persuade you I'm not a lying SOB, other than that I simply don't like to be thought of that way since it's inaccurate.). So, I'll throw in some keywords : Physical problems, physical problems, physical problems, social problems, social problems, social problems, memory pro -- You get the point. Why not just take my word for it? What do you have to lose? Or, more to the point, what is the benefit of getting me to type the 50,000 words it'd take me to really explain these things and upsetting me so much that it ruins my week? How does it benefit either of us? I guess I just don't see where you're going with all this. You seem smart, but I mostly talk to smart people, you're not going to think of a new angle I haven't considered.



Honestly, I'm not sure.



Virtually everything outside of the core history/government/sociology and related fields gives me some degree of trouble. I can manage C level English or Biology. Higher level math (Yes, an Aspie who can't do higher level math, that makes one of me. ), chemistry, new subjects, I'd fail miserably. Actually, I think that's part of the thing. I just don't seem to learn anything I don't already know or, more specifically, anything that doesn't fit within a preestablished framework I understand. Learning about a different country in a different time period fits inside a ruberic I'm familar with, a new language or higher level math or whatever really doesn't and I can't see to create that new place to put things. I failed both Algebra and Geometry miserably the first time I took them in high school and, come to think of it, I never did pass Geometry (I just got my GED instead).



I took a typing class for a full semster in high school and did about 12 WMPs. That's not really the problem, though. I probably type more like 30-40 WMPs if I'm allowed to do my own method of rapid hunt and peck. The teacher tried to force me into the homerow method and I couldn't learn it. Sensing a pattern?



I was a full-time student (Well, 12 credits) for two semesters. Well, I had an on-set of health problems that forced me to take incompletes in the second semester. But I did it. Plus, I started community college at sixteen. I've done college. HATED it. Why is it so hard for some people to accept that certain other people can't fit into a standard mold of thinking and acting? It's called diversity. The world isn't this place of blissful conformity where everyone can be exactly the same if they only try hard enough. I know that's the subconcious message society likes to send people, but I'd like to challenge you to stretch your mind a little and consider that society has kind of a bias towards wanting people to believe that. That way society doesn't have to worry about the people who can't fit in and they can pretend it's all their fault and dismiss them -- with the people who can fit in, fitting in, and breeding a docile cookiecutter world. There are lots of problems with a society of that nature, but the biggest one is that it's based on a heartless vicious lie.



I don't want the degree, though. Didn't we cover that earlier?



I'm not going to tell you to piss off, but I am going to decline to explain some things in detail. Honestly, if it's something that's going to cause me a lot of distress, why should I? I want to satisfy your curiosity to a degree, because I'm nice like that, and I like to spread understanding, and to be understood. I'm not going to go overboard, though, because, honestly, I'm not accountable to you. No offense. Actually, in all honesty, I'm only accountable to myself, really, as are we all responsible to ourselves.

One unfortunate lesson I learned quite early in life and constantly have reinforced by my life experiences is that no matter what I say or do, a lot of people aren't going to like me and a lot of people aren't going to respect me. It doesn't matter how much I explain who I am or try to conform, I can't be quite like them, and some people aren't going to like that. Nor are some people going to accept my explanations for some things, because those explanations would turn their worldview upside down too much and no one really likes to see that happen.

Plus, biologically neurotypicals are geared to reject people like me. Seriously. Ever study the animal kingdom? If a seriously disabled wolf is born, or one that acts in a very strange manner, the pack nudges it and punishes it and tries to force it to conform whether it can or not. If it doesn't, they shun it. Sound familar? Some people can beat biology and not be like that, but it's very few people who succeed.

My psychologist treats a lot of Aspies and people with similar issues and she says she's consistantly shocked at how much rejection they universally face. At first she thought it must be an exageration, but nearly all of them tell her the same thing. 99% of the world really do naturally want us to go away and die instinctively. And it's worse for people like me with multiple disabilities. Of course, being civilized human beings, they rationalize their instinctual reaction away to an extent and just do the nudge/shun routine in a different way to where it's thinly veiled and they think they're doing it for our own good. It's be funny if it wasn't so tragic for me and for so many others. Can you imagine living a life where you faced that day to day?

I just know in my heart of hearts that human value is about more than how well you can conform or what you can contribute to society. It's something that's intrinsic to just being alive and able to think.



So you're not going to volunteer to date me in the "Find Me a Wife" thread I started in the love and romance section of the forum (Or whatever that section is called)?



98. Average range in and of themselves, but it's 50 points off my verbal IQ, which is not something that's often found naturally. It's almost certainly indicative or a problem.



I did hours and hours of those things and similar stuff. I'm not doing it again for you. Formal testing was enough, thank you. It certain cost enough. Well, not cost me, but cost the relatives who asked me to get it done and offered to pay. Really, just annoyed me. I hate taking tests. But it was necessary and I'm glad I got the results. Well, was told them, at least. The written results were supposed to come in the mail weeks ago and didn't. I'd bug someone, but these sorts of things are extremely awkward for me and take a ton of emotional energy -- sometimes I can't manage at all. I try and try and try and just can't seem to get simple stuff done at times when I have to (I really don't doubt what they said about areas of my brain just not working -- sometimes it really seems like little "switches" just won't flick -- it's really, really frustrating. And then I can often do stupid but complex things that don't make a difference in life with great ease. Drives me nuts). Maybe if I just wait long enough, they'll actually do what they said they'd do. I know, there are better chances of pigs flying. Sometimes the world really aggravates me (Okay, a lot of the time. ).



Hooray! See, that right there tells me that deep down you are probably a person I could get along with. Plus, you're obviously articulate and intelligent. We just need to work on this Republican "everyone can be productive" streak of your's. For homework, I am assigning you "An Inconvient Truth" starring Al Gore, available at a video store near you. Though, really, that has nothing to do with the subject at hand, but global warming is important, and it's a great documentary, best I've seen since "Farenheight 911" -- and probably, as a special bonus, has a significantly stronger relationship with actual facts. I liked "Farenheight 911", but there were a few stretches here and there (Though unfortunately far more of it was true than I'd have liked -- it's sad to think of what's happened in this country the last 6 years or so).