Do you fear visitors too?

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ThinkTrees
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19 May 2012, 3:13 am

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hanyo
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19 May 2012, 3:19 am

When I was younger there was a time when if pretty much anyone came to the house I would lock myself in my room until they were gone and not come out for any reason. Actually depending on who it was or how many people there were I've even done that into my 30s.

I haven't needed to do that lately because we rarely have visitors any more.

Wobbuffet
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19 May 2012, 5:01 am

One of my mom's friends has a habit of showing up at our house unannounced and it really bothers me. I've just sat down to eat breakfast and she just appears and stays for an hour. She's a nice person, but I think it's rude that she just comes around without warning.

I also don't like it when people like electricians/builders/etc. appear without me knowing they're due.

I usually remember " I have something to do upstairs"...better known as "hiding until they're gone".

Atomsk
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19 May 2012, 5:56 am

I also hide in my room whenever any visitors come over, unless they are coming to visit me.

zombiegirl2010
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19 May 2012, 10:15 am

Atomsk wrote:

zombiegirl2010 wrote:

Mine is fear mixed with tons of anxiety...the fear is that they will stay too long, or never go home, or want to eat here. I know it is irrational, but I can't help it. They all feel like intruders!

I think about the same things, fearing they will stay too long, want to eat here, etc. One thing I think about is "How do I get them to leave when I want to have time alone?" if they're visiting me. The opposite happens when I visit people, I go "How do I get out of here when I want to leave?"

Yes, precisely! It is just as hard to know when to leave somewhere just like it is hard to end a phone call. Confusing stuff!

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zombiegirl2010
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19 May 2012, 10:17 am

vanhalenkurtz wrote:

Cannot answer phones. Visitors? Ah, life on a commune. Every month, another new batch of visitors. Visitor program. They arrive today hoping to see some hippies (female, young & naked most likely), there's me, old guy hand flapping nervously. Mainly why I am nocturnal. Everyone is asleep now. Except me. If there was a button to make visitors vanish, I would glue it down tight. Then again, that's how most people feel about me.

I don't think I could live on a commune because of all of the people!

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zombiegirl2010
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19 May 2012, 10:19 am

TechnoDog wrote:

Well some people think it's rude for someone to come round, without first phoning to check ahead of time, to make plans & you can set time & how long the meeting is going to be. Then End it at that point, for another time.

It's your life, your environment. They have to respect you & if in reason respect the things that make up who you are. If you like them to phone & ask permission before just feeling like they can come round. Really how they going to know you might of made other plans, etc.

Would the hiding be because you don't know who it is & you don't have a camera intercom? Or too busy been in the anxiety & fear stage or peaking, while trying to calm down. Maybe pick up courage to look or go to the door, if you know who it is.

I agree that is rude for people to come unannounced, but from what I've gathered...social NT's find this charming? It's odd.

About people respecting my environment...most people find me ridiculous...and do not.

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zombiegirl2010
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19 May 2012, 10:23 am

ThinkTrees wrote:

The only thing that has consistently made a difference to my anxiety & also depression is giving up gluten & casein from my diet.

I read that 36%of people on the autism spectrum have something colloquially named 'leaky gut' which in effect means that the intestinal wall is more permeable than it should be...so that the above named protein molecules end up in the bloodstream and cause havoc with the neurotransmitter systems.
Anyway, I was desperate so I tried it out, and it's been amazing, so am especially glad to have bothered to try.
It doesn't 'cure' Asperger's, but the serotonin & dopamine levels are all good now, so life is so much easier to bear.

And this is why, in terms of visitors, I am so much more resilient than I used to be, and also defiant about my right to have my own life preferences.

I wish the answer could be this simple for everyone, but I know we are all different in so many ways...but still, I recommend testing it out in case it works for anyone here.

(So just to be clear, gluten is in wheat, rye & barley, while casein is in dairy foods.)

I'd have to see tons of data proving this hypothesis. I've heard it before...isn't it usually pushed by the Autism Speaks Org?

Sounds basically like a Paleolithic diet plan, which I'm on...and have been for about a year & half, but has been for weight benefits. I lost 85lbs by cutting out carbs/gluten, etc. Anyhow, I don't have much gluten...as a natural side-effect of the Paleo diet, but I do have some dairy products.

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MONKEY
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19 May 2012, 10:34 am

I'm quite the social animal and usually look forward to visitors. When my mum's friends come over I'm always brimming with excitement, especially one of the friends that bakes things for us when she comes round! I like it when family friend's families come over together in the summer and they stay a while and I like it when my siblings have friends over to sleep.

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kx250rider
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19 May 2012, 10:38 am

I despise visitors. I don't think I'm afraid of them, but I'm afraid of the idea of anyone showing up. A doorbell ring is an invasion; as if someone grabs your pants down in public.

Charles

ghoti
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19 May 2012, 12:28 pm

btbnnyr wrote:

I never answer the door or the phone, and neither do my parents. When the phone rings, we ignore it, and when the doorbell rings, we look at each other and go, "Shhhhhhh..."

Yep, have caller ID and won't answer the phone unless I recognize the number of being someone I would want to talk to. And i don't answer the door.

It is because it is likely someone wanting to sell you something or otherwise trying to take advantage of you, and they got you under their terms. And i have been burned plenty in the past.

zombiegirl2010
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19 May 2012, 1:35 pm

kx250rider wrote:

I despise visitors. I don't think I'm afraid of them, but I'm afraid of the idea of anyone showing up. A doorbell ring is an invasion; as if someone grabs your pants down in public.

Charles

that is a very accurate analogy! :lol:

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izzeme
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19 May 2012, 2:19 pm

i have learned to tolerate visitors; i had to, since i live in a student house with a shared common room and kitchen.
having 16 housemates means there is, on average, one visitor every other day, giving me no choice other then accepting them.
however, that is only in the common rooms, i dont like even my parents or most trusted housemates in my own room, let alone visitors...

catson
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19 May 2012, 4:37 pm

We don't get many visitors thankfully, and if we do I'll try and stay out of the way and let my boyfriend do most of the talk. If he's not home I probably won't answer the door, heh

League_Girl
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19 May 2012, 6:10 pm

No I don't fear them. Sometimes I get upset because my husband never told me his mother was coming over so I didn't get the chance to hide stuff I don't want her to see. Though she knows about it but I still don't want her seeing them where they are out in the open. Plus I not like it when others stay the night because of no room anymore and I don't want my routine disrupted. maybe when we get a house things will be different because they be out of my way and it wouldn't disrupt what I do.

Verdandi
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19 May 2012, 8:07 pm

I don't like visitors, especially unannounced visitors.

Whenever someone shows up unexpectedly, who does not come over here on a regular basis, I avoid them completely. This includes relatives. The absolute worst is when people would come over to install satellite TV or test the house for various things like leaky window frames and I'd be told that they would need access to my room tomorrow, I'd panic.

I do come out when some people come over, as long as they're somewhat routine visitors, but I rarely talk to them. It can take months of visits before I interact with them.

I deal much better with visitors if I have advance warning - a lot of advance warning. Say, a week's notice.

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