Any Other Aspies Shy?

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I was VERY shy when I was young. I remember my parents sometimes having a hard time getting me to join a group of kids or talk to people I didn't know. I'm still pretty much the same way. I find it very hard to start a conversation with random people.

People don't even know I am shy when I am outgoing and talking. But then my social issues show. I don't think my mother is fully aware of how hard it is for me to do things and calling people on the phone. She makes it sound so easy. I also don't know what to say and how long it would take.

I'm extremely shy, I think I appear more insecure and nervous than I actually am in most situations though. I can't remember the last time I actually contributed to a group conversation. I've noticed I tend to be a bit more shy when I'm around people I feel inferior to, while there are certain ones I can easily open up to.

I guess my shyness came from "afraid of being made fun of if I say something stupid", and turned into "I don't have a clue on what to say, so I'll just keep my mouth quiet".

I really relate to this. But give me an opening for my favourite topics and you'll have trouble stopping me. However, it will be a one on one or very small gathering of like-minded individuals where I would open up. I have to feel very comfortable in their presence. I'm unlikely to talk about my favourite topics if I feel there would be contrary opinions about to be voiced - unless I can plan for every possible objection. This grows exponentially as more people are involved so it rules out large groups.

Exactly how I feel it.

I'm very shy. I only like to express my feelings or opinions to people who I know a lot and whom I am comfortable with. When I'm at a social event, I'm always mute, or nearly mute if I'm lucky. I am no good at starting up a conversation with people I don't know very well, I often let them do all the talking and I just say ''yes'' or ''no'' and agree to everything they say and just keep on this ultra positive attitude all the time.

I don't blame it all on AS though, I also blame my Social Phobia. It's like, I'm afraid to be heard, if you know what I mean. I'm afraid to hear my own voice when in a group. Ironically, I prefer to be in a noisier environment like a busy pub when socialising, because that way I won't hear my voice so much, but when in a quiet room, like a canteen at work, I can hear the dreaded monotone of my voice being heard more, and the more I can hear my voice only, the more I get nervous and go even more monotonous.

OK, I'm not the sort of Aspie to always speak in monotone, I can have tone in my voice, but if I'm feeling really shy or rather uncomfortable with someone, I find all the ''colour'' goes out of my voice and I sound like some sort of a robot (which is why I get odd looks from disrespectfully critical tossers in public when I'm talking if I am feeling uncomfortable or nervous of the person I'm with). Don't know about anybody else here but I find I get an ache in my throat when talking in monotone for too long. I think it's because talking in a monotone voice isn't natural for me so I must clench up all my muscles in the back of my neck, making my voice sound monotonous. Jesus, so shameful!

Most of the time, source of shyness is danger of embarrassment. Being bullied in the past is also important imho.

I've managed to overcome my shyness. With a price.

When you are about to speak with someone relatively or completely ''stranger'' to you, think about this: Who are they to judge you? What is the importance of their opinion? Most NT people are dull, ignorant and arrogant due to their own weaknesses. They can judge anyone, if ''they can''. This is the way for them to cover their ''wounds''. It doesn't matter. Their opinions are not important, facts are important.

Of course, one should be aware of the feeling caused by this approach.

There's no shame in something you have no control over. Embarrassment perhaps, but not shame.

all the time

While I appreciate your sentiments, I think we need to be mindful not to make sweeping derogatory statements about any particular group of people, lest they make similar statements lumping all people with Aspergers / Autism together as having the same traits. We don't want to start an "us versus them" situation. There are individual differences within any group.

I think the first sentence could have more accurately said: "Some people are dull, ignorant and arrogant due to their own weaknesses", because I'm sure it doesn't just apply to NTs. I readily admit I, for one, have weaknesses and flaws that I can't blame on my Aspergers.

I'm very shy when it comes to girls that is why I never talk to them unless they have a question to ask me that is the only time i do talk to them. I always talk to guys instead of girls.